SLIDER

Video: If Rudolph Took Place Today

Video: If Rudolph Took Place Today





Silly Holiday Movies



Confession: I like holiday movies. I also enjoy made-for-TV holiday movies. Although not the Hallmark kind, where there are constantly crippled bunnies and children dying and towns without Christmas because the factory closed down. (Seriously, the holidays can be depressing enough, we don't need any more help, Hallmark Channel.) So what to watch while you're wrapping presents and keep losing track of the scissors and trying to avoid getting popcorn butter fingers on the paper? Enjoy some awesomely cheesy feel-good ABC Family original holiday movies, of course! Here are a few I enjoy:


Snowglobe
source
The fun story of a Brooklyn woman who is unsatisfied with her life - especially at Christmas. Will Angela discover her true perfect Christmas? (Spoiler: obviously. It's an ABC Family Original.)




* * * 

12 Dates of Christmas
source
Kate is still hung up on her ex and also she's kind of a bitch. Can living Christmas Eve Groundhoug Day style teach Kate anything? (Spoiler: again - it's ABC Family. Of COURSE it has a happy ending. Duh.) 




* * * 

Holiday in Handcuffs
source
Trudie is a constant disappointment to her parents. One day she snaps - but is she the only one going through a life crisis?  Despite the unfortunate casting choice of Mario Lopez (seriously, so many better choices could have been made!) - it is a fun little movie. It does drag a bit in the middle, but other than that, it's got some good laughs.




* * *

Christmas Cupid
source

(Yet another) new twist on "A Christmas Carol," Christmas Cupid follows Sloane, a girl who excels at trading up and cares only about getting ahead. So, when a client bites it, she is visited by 3 boyfriends (past, present, future) to show her that constantly putting yourself first means you just might end up alone. Yeah, it's cheesetastic. Extra cheesy. Yet still, so much ridiculous fun.




(All of these are currently available for streaming on netflix.)


Menses Survival Kit




1.) Heating pad for all my backache and cramping needs.

2.) Ice pack for the ongoing migraines and accompanying neck aches.

3.) I have come to prefer Pamprin over Midol. Both make me feel druggy, but Pamprin does a better job of actually doing its job.
(Also note: menstrual supplies are one of the few things I refuse to buy generic. I do not fuck around with that stuff. ONCE, I tried generic Pamprin to save money, and it didn't do crap.)

4.) Water. I am not a person who drinks a lot of water by nature. I don't drink much of anything by nature. I like milk. I once saw on an episode of Man vs. Wild where Bear said something about our brains need 1 Liter of water every single day just to function and technically we should have at least two Liters/day.  (It was a desert island episode, but I can't remember which one.) I can promise you that unless I am consciously thinking about it, there is no way I drink 1 Liter of water a day. Not even. All around, I believe this is a major contributor to the fact that I generally feel poorly. So I'm making an effort. I'm always making an effort. But PMS has a way of reminding me that I'm thirsty and need water.


Other needs: 
- Chocolate
- A shit-ton of sleep. I swear, I don't know why PMS is so exhausting, but for about a week, I feel like I need to sleep 23 hours/day and eat everything in sight for the other hour.
- Protein. I often crave things like bacon cheeseburgers or other red meat.
- Girly things. By that I mean - whatever the hell I am in the mood for, ok? 







Jon Arbuckle Can't Cook

Jon Arbuckle Can't Cook







I clipped this little piece from Garfield's Thanksgiving Special because it's my favorite part. Obviously I will be doing other things on Thursday, so I am posting this the day before.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Not Very Sophisticated Doodles



Hope and her perpetually blank stare.




Once Shawn asked me to bring him some "Robitussin" but it sounded like "Robotussin" and I laughed like a hyena because it was hilarious to me.

When Isabelle was a kitten new to living with me, any time I went into the bathroom for any reason, my then-roommate would holler "Your cat's crying again." And so I would go let her in and if I was using the loo, she would dance around my ankles and cry until I picked her up and held her. Comforting to a six-week old kitten with a bit of separation anxiety. Slightly odd that eight and a half years later, she still considers bathroom time "cuddle time." 




October Reads


Maybe you're less the watcher of horror movies and more of the reader type. Here's a few ideas:

1.) Scared Stiff by Annelise Ryan
author page/source
A quick and enjoyable murder mystery that opens on Halloween and moves into straight up just Autumnal setting in a few short pages. You can see my whole review here.

2.) A Catered Halloween by Isis Crawford
author site/synopsis
Another super quick and enjoyable murder mystery, this one also has a touch of ghosts. This one has a bit more humor than Scared Stiff, if you enjoy some of that in your mysteries. This one is definitely more Halloween-centric as the whole thing takes place in the weeks leading up to Halloween doing a haunted house fundraiser. So if you are looking for a book that will have lots of pumpkins and decorations and candy corn and such, this is a good, fun read. My full review is here.


3.) The Raven and the Nightingale by Joanne Dobson
author site; click picture for further info

Not a specifically Halloween read, but a murder mystery that takes place in New England during autumn and has plenty of mood-setting imagery and just enough creeps to be a bit spooky. Well-paced and intelligent, this is actually just a perfect Autumnal mystery.


Of course all books are great and it's not necessary to read certain types of books at certain times of year. (I have been known to read Christmas mysteries in the middle of summer.) However, when the desire to to turn up the spook factor a bit, I find there really is no better time of year for a good murder than when it's time to curl up with a blanket and a cup of hot cocoa.

And of course, there is a long list of classics and new classics in the horror, mystery, gothic genre to choose from, as well as plenty of history books that can be scarier than any piece of fiction.

What do you like to read to make a chill run down your spine?




My Own Chemical Warfare:





This Post Was Hard.

This Post Was Hard.

I don't know how to write this.
I've been struggling to write this post for some time now, and it just doesn't seem to come out right. So I'm just going to put it out there and (try) not to overthink the presentation. So apologies ahead of time if it's quite random.

.......................

Food comforts me.
You know how you hear smokers say "I need a cigarette!" or you sit with a smoker and their hands visibly shake as they puff while you have that conversation about whatever frustrations and anxieties they are having at that moment? Maybe you are that smoker.
And so am I.
Except...for me, it's food, and it's less immediate. I guess.
Whenever I have a stressful day at work - which is A LOT, and especially lately - I don't come home and have a beer or a glass of wine to take the edge off like most normal people. I eat food. When I'm stressed or anxious, I want to eat. No, I don't want to get home at nine o'clock at night and prepare a meal of steamed freaking veggies and baked chicken. I want to get home and have a nice plate of Chinese take-out. Or spaghetti with more garlic breadsticks than is anywhere near necessary. When I am frustrated I want to have a good cry and go out and order a bacon cheeseburger with sauteed onions and barbecue sauce.
When I wake in the morning, the first thought in my head is:
f o o d.
When I first awaken, my stomach is growling and ravenous and even before coffee, I need to eat to take the hunger pain away. I feel like I can't function without food first and foremost.
When I am in the midst of the stressful-est of days, two thoughts dominate my mind:
1.) Aaaagggghhhhh!
and
2.) I want ________.
Of course I have some patterns in my eating, but not for the sake of this post. Those patterns are for another time. This is mostly just stress and emotional eating, to which I have no real pattern. It's not like "I'm anxious, therefore I need crunch and want tortilla chips."
If only.
Sometimes I want cheesy popcorn.
Sometimes I want ice cream.
Sometimes I want homemade texas cheese fries.
Sometimes I want pizza.
Sometimes I want gooey brownies.
Sometimes I want McDonald's french fries.
Sometimes I want Chinese.
Sometimes I want a chicken sandwich.
There is no real pattern except that it's whatever happens to sound like the thing I most want in the world (food-wise) right then.
But even when I get it, I tend to not feel satisfied. I mean, I do.
But I feel like there is something wrong with me because when other people have a brownie they seem to feel sated and happy they had chocolate and like "Oh, too much of that would make me feel awful!" and I'm over here like I had a brownie and now I want another brownie.

Now - don't get me wrong: sometimes I eat healthy. When I have a healthy, nutritious breakfast, I always feel better physically. My body feels stronger and more energized, even if I do get hungrier quicker. (Dude, seriously? I try eating healthy lunches at work and my stomach is growling less than an hour later. If I eat Pop-Tarts for lunch, I'm tired and sluggish, but at least I'm not hungry.)  Anyway...yeah...I go for a few days eating healthy and my body feels better, but emotionally, I feel...lacking and out of control.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I have a problem with food. I mean, I know I do.
But I'm admitting to you guys that for me, comfort eating isn't "I had two Kit-Kats this week - gasp!" For me, comfort eating is a daily - if not every meal - thing. Food is one of the ways I cope.

There are times when I wish I was a drinker instead of an eater. It is so much more socially acceptable to be someone who goes through a bottle of wine or two a night starting with a glass after work. It is 1000 times more socially acceptable to be someone who gets drunk in order to stuff away nervousness and insecurity and frustration than it is to be someone who eats to calm down those feelings of inferiority and pressure and anxiousness.*
I would be an awesome alcoholic if that was my drug of choice. I would be the best! But alas. My love/hate/comfort/merry-go-round of self-loathing and despair and trying to start each day new and be better and failing every day and all that is involved in the whole thing...well...that began when I was a child when I learned to use food to cope and I guess I just grew up with it and it stuck so I never got too interested in drugs or heavy recreational drinking.

..........................

I think that's all I've got for now.

*I'm not saying I think alcoholism is easier or cooler or anything, I'm just saying that socially, drinking to excess is more acceptable than eating to excess.

Some of My Instagram Pics

You may or may not follow me on instagram. Here are some random pictures I've shared there.  I'm sharing these because I'm starting to get a little bit better, especially compared to when I first signed up for IG.

At the library.

A work lunch. Evol Tandoori Chicken Bowl, water.

Isabelle enjoys a morning sun and gentle breeze.

Secret Target purchase? 


Hope close up while she rests on my tummy.

Walking home from the store.

Tired while waiting for an appointment. RBF for the win.


Things Shawn Says:

Things Shawn Says:



"Do you really need another chapstick?" (Um...yes.)

"Wait. Tweezers cost HOW MUCH?"

"I thought there was something weird about the pockets." (I asked Shawn if he knew he was wearing his cotton pajama shorts backward.)

I had two slices of Pizza Hut stuffed crust the other night (never again) and I woke up in the middle of the night and spontaneously puked....all over the bed. Like, the puking is what woke me up. (Ugh...it was so nasty.) So I stripped myself down and stripped the bed and double mouth-washed and all the stuff you do after you puke and I also had to wash the stuffed monkeys Shawn and I have in our bed. Because we are grown-ups. Those of you who follow me on instagram will have seen the occasional pic of our sleeping buddies. Anyway, I was sleeping on the couch, all broken up sleep between loads of laundry to make sure everything got cleaned. When Shawn came home in the morning, he saw me on the couch with the biggest monkey, Mr. Bongos, his special monkey, and was like
"What are you doing sleeping on the couch?"
"I got sick and threw up, so I had to wash the bedding."
Suddenly very alarmed. "Is Mr. Bongos okay?"
^True story, yo.

Tonight as Shawn and I were eating dinner, we had this conversation:
"What's with all these weird blocks of cheese that didn't melt?"
.......?
He points to one. "They're everywhere. It's like one of the main parts of the dish."
(At this point you guys, I could not stop laughing because he was so serious and concerned about the amount of cheese in this dinner.)
"Honey, those are sweet potatoes."
"Oh! Well that makes sense. I thought it was funny tasting cheese."
For real, you guys. I can't make this up.


And bonus:
My brother was digging in the bathroom cupboard. I was all
"What are you looking for?"
"I need to get one of those ear sticks you buy."


(Yes, Q-tip.)



Life Currently



So, yeah. I have no good reason for not blogging more regularly and not being more up-to-date with my reading & commenting. It boils down to the fact that while my hours aren't overly long, the days are just really draining and stressful.
A little background - there are two sides to any retail operation: 
Sales and Production. 
In the case of this being a "Thrift" store, we handle production on-site, via donations, and we sort and tag and price and put things out. Obviously a place like Target or Walmart would have a much more involved production situation. 
The point is: in a nutshell, we have two major teams: 
Production and Sales. 
I'm on the sales side, but both sides are currently understaffed. People move on and get different jobs - more hours or better pay or closer to home or something more in their field. Of course, we are hiring. Summer is tourist season and super busy here in TC.
We have been doing interviews like crazy people.  
And you know what? 
Fail. 
Fail.
Fail.  
So the people we do have are running ragged. They are tired. We are tired. 
Back in the day, when I worked at "SuperMegaMart," I basically hated my job and it was a poison infecting my system every day, spreading more and more like a cancer. 
This isn't like that. 
This is just more like, several times a day I find myself thinking
Oh For Fuck's Sake! (Jimmy Carr)
Mostly this happens when people call in.
So that's it. Work has been busy and everyone who works there is tired and stressed and we're all like walking batteries running low and we get partially recharged at night and on days off, but the days are so slammed that it takes more out than we're getting back, so each day we lose two bars and each night we only gain one back. 
Am I making any freaking sense right now? 
Anyway, at the end of the day, I come home and I see Shawn and I watch TV and zone out or I read and I'm happy, just kinda burned out. If I turn on the computer, I get sucked into pinterest or cat videos or whatever time-waster and before I know it, three hours have passed and I haven't done any blogging and I'm too tired in my brain to stay awake any more and then I go to bed and then get up again for a new day. Also note: today was end of my 8-day stretch, so now I have 2 days off. Hell, yeah! :)
So anyway, that's what's happening. I don't have any grand reason for being semi-absent. Just tired and lazy at the end of the day and I'm pretty much passable for a zombie in the morning. 

A Letter to My Nephew



 My nephew graduated from high school recently and today was his open house. This is a copy of the letter I included in his card.

Jeffrey -

When I first met you, you were just this little thing they handed to me, all wrapped up in blankets to keep you warm. The first thing I said was "Where is he?" And Laurie and my mom said "Look inside." And I peeked closer and saw your tiny sleeping face.
You weighed just 3 pounds and 3 ounces. If you pick that up in a dumb bell, it doesn't seem so bad. But when you spread that out over a 20" long human - it felt like nothing. I was afraid I was going to break you just by holding you for a few minutes.

After a few weeks, you finally reached 5 pounds and were able to come home.

And over the months, you grew, and the family watched, in awe.

Before you could speak, you demonstrated an understanding of language and colors and shapes, as I would say "put the green triangle on top of the circle" with your building blocks and you did it perfectly, no matter what combination I gave you. You just blew me away.

Sometimes I would babysit you and you were delightful with your curiosity, pointing at things and asking "What's this?" I think "What's this" was like, your fifth word or something. :)
Sometimes when I was babysitting and doing my homework, I would read you to sleep by reading my school textbooks to you. It didn't take long before you were like "Not that book, Aunt Becky." :) More than once you asked me to read the dictionary to you. So I did, and what's best is...you really listened.

Watching you grow up over the years, form your own opinions and ideas, your own likes and dislikes, watching you evolve....has been a pleasure and has been a truer measure of time than I think you'll understand until you have a child in your life that you watch grow. I know it's cliche, but really, it's true. It's really not until there is a child you watch grow into an adult that you have a true understanding of the passage of time.

Now you're a young man out of high school and starting a new chapter, or if life is a multi-series book, then you're in the next book of the series. :)
Now instead of me reading the dictionary to you and showing you all the cool pictures in the National Geographic of all the different types of people and animals in the world, now you're teaching me things about the internet and bravery.

I could not be prouder of you, Jeffrey.


As you go forth in life and continue to grow, I look forward to watching where you go from here and hopefully sharing some of my life experiences and also learning more from you. 


Workplace Safety Isn't Funny - It's Hilarious

Workplace Safety Isn't Funny - It's Hilarious



So you know how I work at a thrift store, right? Well, it's pretty high volume, and we have several locations, and the location I work at happens to be the central flagship store for our district. 

There happened a time when a delivery truck driver randomly showed up at like, 8 o'clock at night and no one was there who was certified on the hi-lo or the walker-stacker. So we sent him away with instructions to come back tomorrow. 
So they decided that damn near everybody and their mother has to be certified to do at least one or the other.  
Which is where this post comes in. 
I did the first part of my training yesterday, which was to watch the 3-part training video on industrial trucks and equipment.  This is part one, which is meant to get your attention and make you pay attention to part two, which is longer, still has a lot of accidents, but is much less graphic. In fact, the part two video even says "non-graphic" version.  
But part one? It's like the best B-horror movie ever. I'm so glad I found it on youtube! Enjoy! 



(I think the guy with the nail in his eye around 1:02 is my favorite.) 
All the Work Gifs

All the Work Gifs



When I constantly have to ride someone's ass to get them to do their job, I feel like:



How I feel when I haven't even punched in and it's an obvious shit-storm:
bored animated GIF


How I feel when I give someone instruction and they respond with "just a minute."


How I feel when I've made a mistake at work:
teenage mutant ninja turtles animated GIF


When the BIG bosses come out for a look-see, I:
the simpsons animated GIF


How I feel when we've had a busy day, the store is trashed, and everyone is all
"are we going to get out early tonight?"



How I feel when people keep nagging me about leaving when I'm not done with my work yet.



How it feels when we DO get out early:



How it feels on days when everything runs smoothly:



How I feel when the entire day has been a cluster fuck.



How I feel when my team has been working hard, regardless of the type of day it is:





Video Links

Video Links


Walking Dead/Cranberries Zombie

Honest trailer: The Harry Potter movies My favorite part is the end when they do the "starring:" 

Exercising with Cats Around (video) - There is nothing about this video that I don't like.

Cat Mothers Ducklings (video that will make your heart grow 3 sizes)






I'm Fat

Okay, I don't know where to start.

I can't start at the beginning, it's all too convoluted.
Let's start here:
I am fat.

Not "if you just switched from bagels to english muffins, and gave up one Starbucks coffee per week, you would give up X amount of calories and therefore could lose X amount of pounds per month" that so many glossies will tout. (Just one of many reasons I almost never read the glossies anymore, but that's a post for another time.)
No, I'm actual fat.


Christmas 2012. I haven't decided if I'm ever going to share my actual weight and size, but I'm not prepared to just now. For reference, my sister-in-law, who has the monkey face, is about a size 3. 
Also: it's important to note, I have other pictures and more recent ones, but this is the only one I could even come to terms with the idea of showing. 

So yeah. 
I don't know. It's hard for me to share with you guys, even though I've mentioned it before, putting up an actual picture and saying My name is Becky and I have problems with my body is...too real. Does that make sense? 
A part of me worries that some of you might be repulsed and disgusted and I don't know. I guess if someone decides to stop reading my blog or think less of me because of my figure, then I probably don't want them as a reader/friend. 
But it's scary. 
'Cuz I don't know. 

Anyway, My name is Becky and I am fat. 
I have problems with food and have since I can remember. I have been chubby since my earliest memories, which go back to well before kindergarten. 

I've been wanting to talk about this on my blog for quite some time, but I've been sitting on it because that's what you I do when faced with things that are scary. 

You know what? 
I think that's enough for this post. 









My Body is Weird.

So remember that UTI I had and had to take the hard-core antibiotics for? Well, when I did my initial urinalysis, the nurse said: "Doctor X says your urine looks suspicious."  Which caused me to imagine this:
My urine sample could rob a bank in the old west any minute now!


Well, I finished that and had to go in for a check up because I've had relatively frequent UTI's in the past year or so and also over this time period I've developed an awful pain in the left side of my uterus every shark week and for a few days after. It's a wicked stabby pain that hurts more when you push on it and whatever. I'm not going into details describing the exact nature of the pain. Suffice to say, it wasn't there before, it developed about a year or so ago and it's steadily gotten worse and the pain and symptoms of the whole thing have steadily gotten worse as well. So, check-up.

After finishing the round of antibiotics, I did a secondary urinalysis that came back - and I quote - "abnormal."  Which made me imagine this: 


So they did a whole bunch of tests. Sent my urine out for an in-depth culture which came back negative for recurrent infection and they still have no idea why my suspicious urine is abnormal, but it is. Also: they did a full blood work up on me and except for a few numbers being a little high, most things appear normal. 
And yet. 
Things are so not. 
To quote Dr. X: "Your system is clearly out of whack." 
Out of whack is a very clinical term, btw. 

I have a pelvic ultrasound coming up just over a week because there's nothing more fun than invasive vaginal exams. They want to check out all the plumbing: ovaries, uterus, bladder, all of it.
So...

laughing emma stone smiling thumbs up easy a

For the first picture above, I googled shifty eyes  and ultimately borrowed an image from this site to modify for my own purposes.

Why Are People on Pinterest So Dumb?

Why Are People on Pinterest So Dumb?

The internet is so great and awesome and full of the knowledge of mankind.
And it's also full of the utter stupidity of mankind.
I saw this inspirational quote on a holiday pinterest page:

"I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year."
                                                            -Anonymous

Um, no. It's not anonymous.
It's fucking Charles Dickens, all right? It's one of the most famous lines from A Christmas Carol which is not only one of Dickens' most well-known works, but it's one of the most well-known Christmas tales around.
So no, it's not "anonymous" and googling even a PORTION of that quote brings you to a long list of websites that cite the correct origin. (Believe me, I experimented.) AND there are about a billion other pins with the same quote that correctly cite either Dickens or Ebenezer Scrooge. Oy.

So there was that. 

Then there is wordhippo.com, which I happened to see a link to on one of those "life hacks" pins. And it's actually a pretty cool site as you can play around with and search for words with all kinds of different filters including length, starting letter, ending letter, (crossword help, anyone?) get the pluralized form of a word, etc. Except the pinner who had pinned the link was raving a little TOO MUCH about the site. Her words were: 
-- "This site is great! You put in a word and it will give you other words that mean the same thing, or even an opposite word! Where has this been all my life?" --

Take a second and let that high praise sink in. Now go get your thesaurus and look up praise. Because. Wow. 


Links & Confessions

Confession: I had to buy a new copy of Slaughterhouse Five because I ruined mine with too many readings and it kinda fell apart and all the underlining and highlighting and notes had made it unreadable anyway.

The Jedi Mix  (video)

Confession: I never cared about or really liked the movie Mean Girls. The whole thing struck me as kinda sad. Then again, my entire school years were kinda sad. But still...really....I've only seen it once and the whole time I was screaming "Get a fucking life!!!!!"

Burmese Python Jumping Through a Hoop (Fail) (video) I actually laughed my ass off the first time I watched this.  What can I say? Weird humor and such.

Confession: I just saw Snakes on a Plane for the first time (yes, I'm very much a late-to-the-party person) and it delighted me so much. I took stills of things that made me the happiest:
I'm so happy to be a snake on this plane!
Karma's a bitch, asshole.
It comes in handy.
If Sam J. looks like this, be concerned. 


Pee is Interesting (website)

Confession: The longer I go without having kids, and the more I hear screaming and whining while I'm at Target trying to find a new stapler the more I look at Shawn and say "Thank God we don't have kids!"  Truth-truth: kids are a pain in the ass, but 9 times out of 10, it's the parents that are more bothersome with their disregard for their children's needs.

Snack Time (video)

Confession: I am still behind on blog-catch-up. I currently have no posts lined up in the actual sense, just ideas floating in my head including many things I've stolen from been inspired to do by other bloggers. Also, my bloglovin' feed still has 92 fucking unread posts. Believe it or not, this number is down from where it was. Of course there are a handful I will skip or just skim, but generally, when I'm following a blogger, it's because I'm actually interested in what they post so I actually read it.



Friday Night Thoughts & Confessions

Friday Night Thoughts & Confessions

My Stuff Right Now:



- Daryl and Beth. I have been very worried about Beth and I definitely want to see some Daryl action. Who doesn't want to see Norman Reedus making out with someone? (Me. He should make out with me.)

- Tattoos.  I have an appointment with the much recommended Collective Ink; the artist is a dude named Kyle. Pretty stoked.

Got a UTI; am now taking a hard-core antibiotic that on the info packet says it's also commonly used to treat/slow the progress of Anthrax. Yeah. I was like...ugh...
Also: this is an antibiotic that lists the most common side effects being drowsiness, dizziness, lightheadedness, etc.
Also drinking a ton of water because my urinalysis showed some dehydration. So water and me are besties right now.

- I really am lazy. I need to exercise but sleep is so awesome. It's true. I'm at a mental war with myself because I fucking love staying up late.  I usually get out of work around 8:30 so I'm almost never in bed before midnight and often closer to 1AM.  I start my work day at noon.  Easy, I should just wake up at like, 7 and I'd be fine, right?
W-r-o-n-g. I am so definitely the "Yeah, I'm gonna sleep until 10:30 and then get ready for work" type. Problems. Lazy. Sleep is the best and even after a good 8 hours, I tend to have trouble getting up in the morning.

- People keep whining about how this is the longest winter ever and it feels like spring will never be here and I'm like dude, it's still the middle of March! This is completely normal. Seriously. Talk to me when we have snow in May, and then we'll whine about it.

- Been working A LOT. That's a story for another post, but the upshot is I've been given/taking extra responsibility at my company and while that's a good thing, it's been a baptism-by-fire kind of week and the hours have been long and involved lots of going in on my time off to try and undo some of the damage done by IT problems. Again, story for another time.

- Basically I've been extremely lazy in all areas of my life EXCEPT for work. Laundry? I have a clean pile and a dirty pile but nothing is put away. Dinner? Yeah....uh...I had super mario bros. shaped spaghetti-o's last night. Exercise? HA! Vacuuming? Um....I think I have a floor. I need a serious life make-over or something. I need to step up and take responsibility and shit. Of course,all I can think of is chocolate and emptying my bladder every twenty minutes.

So that's life for me right now.  It's not pretty. I'm definitely not proud of it.




All These Things That I've Done





What's-the-what: 
Pictured above: new glasses. They are kinda biggish but I kinda dig 'em, mainly because I can see wicked well and they are comfortable.  I was kinda back-and-forth about them for a bit, worried that they looked too dorky or stupid and awkward (even for me, which is an accomplishment) but then I was all "fuck that noise; I like 'em and that's what matters." 

So, I know I look like hell in this picture - blame it on the fact that I'm laying down, my face is washed clean so there's no concealer and yes, I'm broken out, and also I've been sick.  
That's part 2: 
Yeah. Why I haven't been around blogland lately: 
I caught death in the form of wicked-bad sinusitis. Vicks, Nyquil, Kleenex, Lots of Blankets and Plenty of Hot Tea.  This has been my life for the last week. 
I did get a new mask for my CPAP machine, so there's that.  
Anyway, I'm starting to feel a little better, but it's a process. 

The House Always Wins

The House Always Wins




The House Wins from the album Oh No by OK Go

This weekend at work was one of those weekends.
It seemed like everything that could go wrong, did.
There were so many call-ins, I lost count.
We were slammed.
All of the managers (myself included) were feeling the pressure, the stress, the frazzle, the frustration.  
There were lots of everything you're doing wrong emails from the corporate big-wigs. You know the phrase "shit rolls down hill?"  What both annoys and amuses me is that at my work, it tends to be "shit accumulates in your in-box."  
That is to say, the corporate director emails his assistant and CC's all the other managers.  So the assistant emails the store manager and CC's all the other managers.  So the store manager emails you and CC's all the other managers.....of the exact. same. message. 



And then there's the replies, which also all get CC'd by everyone to everyone.
My work email ends up looking like some of digital M.C. Escher nightmare.

I'd like to make a note that I like my job a lot, I enjoy the people I work with, and it's crazy-cool to once again have full time, medical insurance, benefits, and truth be told, the hours aren't that bad. There are a lot of perks and if I hated it, I wouldn't do it.  But like I said...it was just one of those.



Tax Season Questions

Tax Season Questions

Recent questions I've been asked at work:

➤  What are W-2's?

➤ So, how do I file taxes?

➤ Um, what does that mean?
(I asked someone to pick up the random detritus on the floor.)

➤ So like, you're saying companies charge you to do taxes for you? So like, you have to pay even after paying? To get your own money back? (In my defense, I did explain that generally they would probably be able to do their own taxes, or get a student credit, etc.) 



God help me, the kids on my team make my day sometimes. And to be fair, some of these kids, it's their first job, and it is better to ask questions. But I can't help that I find it 
1.) Brings me back to the days when I was that young,
and
2.) Makes me wonder why their parents/guardians/teachers aren't explaining this shit.













Two Conversations About Music and a Side Note

Two Conversations About Music and a Side Note

A song comes on at work.
Two younger cashiers are discussing who sings the song, one of them had forgotten and then was all "Oh yeah, I knew that, duh." 
The second was "Of course it's Colbie Caillat - who doesn't know this is Colbie Caillat?"
Me: I didn't. 
Second Cashier: Seriously?  How could you not?
Me: Are you familiar with Matchbox Twenty?
Second Cashier: Um, I don't listen to old music. 
Me: Well I don't listen to new music. 
(Not true, but I think I made my point.) 



A different conversation, featuring the first cashier from the above conversation: 
A song comes on, cashier says he loves likes that song, but likes the version Demi Lovato does better, because Demi Lovato is soooo great.  And he mentions how he listened to "Say Something" for like, four hours straight last night....personal stuff.  
Me: Ah, yes, we had a song like that when I was younger.  It was called "November Rain."
Cashier: .........?
Me: Guns N' Roses.
Cashier: .....I think I might've heard of them once. 

the big bang theory kaley cuoco frustrated penny facepalm

Side Note: 
You guys gave amazing an amazing response to my last post and I appreciate all the comments.  I will definitely continue to be work on being a little more open and trying to be a little braver & bolder. 

Truth Bombs, True Confessions and It's Getting Real Up in Here

Yes, I know my title is all nerdy and not cool or hip.  I do not care because I am not hip.  
This post is me talking about sensitive stuff I don't actually want to share but I am because I'm trying to be brave, even though I am a total chicken-shit.
Okay, here we go:





I'm Insecure About Work:
I totally pretend I'm not.  I like to act like I think I'm confident and I know what I'm doing.  My superiors have given me an "excels" in self-confidence. I totally don't excel at it. I am obsessed with not making mistakes and being perfect which is awful because I work in retail - nothing is ever perfect.  I hate closing the store at night knowing that the clothes and shelves aren't as straight, organized, and clean as I think they should be.  (Dude, it's a store, it will never, ever, be as organized as I think it should be.)
I hate screwing up and especially little things, like when I can't quite figure out how to transfer a call from the portable phone to a certain number in corporate, when I forget to update my calendar, when I don't get everything done that I want to get done.  Another every-single-day thing.  I keep feeling like a little kid playing in adult shoes when people ask me to make decisions and be responsible for stuff, even though it's my job.

I Am Fat.
Not "quit drinking Starbucks and you'll lose five pounds this month easy-peasy" that many magazines seem to think is fat, but actual fat that comes from a lifetime of combination psychological & physical issues that feed off one another.  I'd like to write about this more because there's the whole "You're only as sick as your secrets" but then again...there's a reason we don't talk about it.  So, yeah.  I'm worried that if I share more on this subject (like, real inside my mind stuff) people will judge/hate me.

I'm Not Sure What to Say:
I find myself editing what I want to say here A LOT.  I find myself more and more getting worried that I might offend someone if I swear too much, if I talk about something too personal, if I get too worked up and argumentative.  On a recent post where I ranted about how women are portrayed in the media, my own husband's reaction when I asked him what he thought was: "I read it."  When I pressed him further, he said it seemed kind of.... and made a cat-claw motion.  (And he's incredibly supportive and encouraging and NOT a caveman-type and that was still his reaction.)
Some of my favorite bloggers and favorite posts are from people being hugely, hard-core honest and totally themselves and often fits into the category of intensely personal shit.  Not a week goes by where Kathy at Vodka and Soda doesn't share some weird shit her body is doing and I totally love it. Yet...am I that brave?  Nope.  I work hard to have a "fuck it, if they don't like it, don't read it - I blog for me" attitude, but again....worry.  Because sometimes I just want to blog that eating crap gives you poop cramps, but I guess....I worry.  Fuck, I worry about what you guys think of me, okay?

Well, that's it for now.  This is just the very tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thoughts?



Life in Centimeters

Life in Centimeters

There's a saying that most of the world is familiar with:
One Day At A Time.
Yeah...sometimes that seems like too much for me.  Like, getting through a WHOLE DAY would be impossible, a torture, something beyond my capacity to endure. There are times in life when it has to be
One Hour At A Time, or the more concerning (but sometimes necessary) One Minute At A Time.  It happens.

I recently emailed a friend where I mentioned my tendency to be all-or-nothing, an impatient perfectionist who wants to get up and just miraculously have the energy/will/motivation to run three miles a day and do twenty military push-ups.  I don't want life to be a staircase, building and building up, I just want to do it all now and be good at it all now.  
I do know that's not realistic. 
I build slowly.  Sometimes I have good days where I feel energized and I eat well and feel optimistic for the future.  Other days, I am compromising with myself every five minutes to just get through the next five minutes...and entire hours are spent simply convincing myself to get through the next five minutes...again and again.
Some days I take great strides toward improving myself.
Other days, I am taking smaller, shuffling steps.
Some days, I am inching. 
And others...there are some days where I am merely centimetering along, bit by tiny bit, and the best thing I can say is to bargain with myself: "Just get through the next five minutes, Becky." 



***This was inspired somewhat by this post from The Desert Dandelion where she mentions "inching (or centimetering, if that's a thing) toward...." and I was all "YES! That is the word I am trying to use for baby steps.  Except I can't use baby steps, because all I think is "Baby Step Get on the Bus...Baby Step Get on the Bus...."  This is the word for when One Day at a Time is too big, so all you can do is get through one minute.

 

Choices & Consequences: Garfield Knows What's Up


 How I often feel after eating:

Um....cocoa puffs are not a healthy breakfast and a candy bar & soda doesn't count as lunch.


How I generally feel in the mornings/without coffee/when I get too hungry.

And how I feel about the scale & mirror.

So...generally...poor choices have left me looking and feeling like total crap.
Time for some new choices.











(Part) of a Day in Pictures - Day Off

A few months ago, I did a Day in the Life post about working a morning shift.  People seemed to enjoy it and Heather was all "You should do one for your day off!" and I was "It'll be nothing but pictures of me wasting time."  But I still did it, because that's what we do here: random stuff.

Not Shown: 2:15AM - bed

6:45AM - Shawn wakes me up to make him breakfast.  Not actually normal; he's still not feeling great.
I don't want the eggs I made him, so I have Cocoa Puffs while we watch the MLB network.
7:20AM: Yeah, I'm going back to bed.
9:30AM: Shawn goes to bed and I get up for the day, pulling my hair back as usual.
Isabelle enjoys the morning sun.
Coffee: the most important meal of the day.
I often use the morning light and a magnifying mirror to tweeze my brows.
I'm trying to grow them in more, but it's a process and I lose patience. 
Because I can't do just one thing at a time; I'm also watching some Star Trek: TNG on netflix.
Noonish: Drive-thru return at the library.
It is a grey, dreary day for errands.  No filters.
I always look at the cat stuff in Target.  I think Isabelle would love this.
2:30PM: Home - what I bought:
1.) Notepad for work;
2.) File organizer for work;
3.) Post-it's for work;
4.) Cough syrup for Shawn
5.) Hair dye
Since I'm home for the day, the slippers go on and the bra comes off.
Time to screw around making TV characters.  I've been making all
The Big Bang Theory characters and just finished a Daryl Dixon.
Also doing laundry at this time.

Also Not Pictured:
After this, it got on to be about 5:30 and Shawn got up for the day.  We chatted, had dinner and watched a movie, (Major League) and it was during this stretch that I kind of forgot about pictures. I browsed through a book about stress relief stretches and breathing, I laid around being lazy for a bit doing absolutely nothing, built a shoe rack to get the shoes in our entryway organized so I could quit stumbling over all the pairs of sneakers and boots and such.  I screwed around on teamcoco.com watching videos and such and now, it's 2:47AM.  I'm wicked tired and ready for bed.
I'll bet you guys all just wish you were as cool and productive as I am. 



© The United States of Becky • Theme by Maira G.