I'm Fat

Okay, I don't know where to start.

I can't start at the beginning, it's all too convoluted.
Let's start here:
I am fat.

Not "if you just switched from bagels to english muffins, and gave up one Starbucks coffee per week, you would give up X amount of calories and therefore could lose X amount of pounds per month" that so many glossies will tout. (Just one of many reasons I almost never read the glossies anymore, but that's a post for another time.)
No, I'm actual fat.


Christmas 2012. I haven't decided if I'm ever going to share my actual weight and size, but I'm not prepared to just now. For reference, my sister-in-law, who has the monkey face, is about a size 3. 
Also: it's important to note, I have other pictures and more recent ones, but this is the only one I could even come to terms with the idea of showing. 

So yeah. 
I don't know. It's hard for me to share with you guys, even though I've mentioned it before, putting up an actual picture and saying My name is Becky and I have problems with my body is...too real. Does that make sense? 
A part of me worries that some of you might be repulsed and disgusted and I don't know. I guess if someone decides to stop reading my blog or think less of me because of my figure, then I probably don't want them as a reader/friend. 
But it's scary. 
'Cuz I don't know. 

Anyway, My name is Becky and I am fat. 
I have problems with food and have since I can remember. I have been chubby since my earliest memories, which go back to well before kindergarten. 

I've been wanting to talk about this on my blog for quite some time, but I've been sitting on it because that's what you I do when faced with things that are scary. 

You know what? 
I think that's enough for this post. 









7 comments :

  1. Hey, I doubt anybody's going to leave because you posted a picture of yourself!! You're a cool lady so whatever. haha and if they do then screw them, what the fuck kind of person unfollows someone because they're fat? An insecure weirdo. I like these posts, they feel like they're coming from a place of vulnerability. Keep it up :)

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  2. becky, it's incredibly brave of you to post a picture that makes you uncomfortable and admit something that you don't like to admit. that takes courage.

    but remember that just because you're overweight NOW doesn't mean it has to stay that way. i was overweight at one point as well.....i think everyone in this world has been because guess what? life just happens and when you enjoy life a little too much, that can be the result. but it never has to stay that way - you CAN change things if you want.

    and admitting this and coming to terms with this is the first step in change.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  3. That is not an easy thing to say or admit.
    That had to be SO HARD, I applaud you for having the strength.
    Our society has attached so much negativity to that word...
    Do you watch Louis CK? He is one of my favorite comedians and his show is just brilliant.
    If you haven't, I think you should watch this clip.
    http://youtu.be/KFdWcNJ17YY

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  4. I have been right where you are so many times. I think I cried the first time I typed the sentence "I am fat". For such a small word it has quite the punch. But it also doesn't define who you are as a person.

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  5. It's so easy to think that because we are insecure about something everyone else will run in terror, or something. As Nova said, the people who would run away suck anyway so fuck 'em. I too like these posts because the blog world needs more honesty. <3

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  6. i come here because i like reading your posts, because i always feel like you're honest and very true to yourself. and this post is another example of that. i think you're brave for putting it up here, but it's like meg says: it doesn't define you as a person.. i don't think you have to be afraid that people will see you in a different way now.

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  7. I agree with everyone else. I come here because I love reading your posts, not because you look a certain way. It's really hard to put our insecurities out there for the world to see. It's hard to be honest and put ourselves out there. It's a brave thing to do. And I'm not going anywhere :)

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