Sunday, January 22

Just What the Doctor Ordered

A couple nights ago I was hanging out with a few friends from work which turned into an impromptu drink fest.  Later, when Shawn finished working, he joined us (which inevitably led the guys of the group to talk

Truthfully, I don't have a ragin' social life because I'm not gregarious by nature and I'm certainly not a party girl by nature.  I can fake it, sometimes, if I have to, but not always.  I'm shy, awkward and nervous at heart.  I know for the hipsters of the world it's cool to say "I'm socially awkward" but I actually am.  And I have been as far back as I can remember, from my first time riding the bus on the first day of kindergarten.  Some people may think being socially awkward is 'awesome.'  It's not.  So not.  You think being socially awkward is hip?  Try it when you're in elementary school, fucktard hipsters.

Even my stepmom's family members refer to me as "the quiet one," and it's true.

Looking back, I see examples where I may have inadvertently ousted myself from certain social situations because I didn't know any better.  A group of people hanging out after work, chatting it up and I'm waiting for my ride.  They're all playing, goofing off, cracking jokes.  I'm reading a book.  Loser.  Someone jokes "Becky thinks she's too good for us."  I want to scream "No!  That's not it at all!"  The truth is I just don't know what to say a lot of the time.  I have never been the look-at-me! girl.  And right now, that's cool in some circles.  And when it's not cool?  You find you're still just the girl sitting in a bar, squinting to read a book, sipping on your cranberry juice and listening to the band, feeling like an idiot and a loser and wishing you had the gumption to step up and be noticed. Dude, I don't care what hipsters say: being a dork is NOT hip, it is my life.  When this trend eventually fades, I'll still be reading books at inappropriate times, like family reunions and while waiting for a concert to begin.

That's why I had so much fun the other night.  First of all, I had forgotten how affectionate and easy-going vodka can make a girl.  Ah.  Relaxation washes over me, I feel open and easy and all is fine.  I like that.  I like being able to kick back and have a few with people who are fun to be with not because they are drinking and not because I am drinking, but because we also enjoy each other's company when sober.  (Because why would I shed my outer protective layers and open up with people who don't even like those outer layers?  Exactly.)  So it was nice.  You'd think, having so much fun, I'd get drunk more often.  Yeah, I thought of that, too.  But those morning headaches are a bitch and let's be honest - hard to read a book when you can't actually walk straight, and I love me some books.

So here's to the girls (and the guys) who often have no idea what the fuck they're doing, the ones whose quietness is mistaken for snobbery, the ones who really ARE awkward and dorky and not just acting a part because it's trendy.  Here's to the girls who never danced on a table and the guys who don't talk big - all the ones who usually get passed over and ignored.
Here's to us.

1 comment :

  1. Cheers! Love this post. I'm right there with you! I can't count how many times people tell me they initially thought I was a huge snob because I wouldn't talk much or avoided them! Super shy and socially awkward over here too!!!


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