Tuesday, February 28

Suck it, Tinkerbell

I agree with Captain Hook in every way.  Even as a small child, I enjoyed Captain Hook more than any other character and I supremely detested that flying bitch, Tinkerbell.  I didn't really get it as a kid, but I came to understanding over the years and I haven't thought much about this offensive little tale until recently when I saw a bit of Tink merchandise advertised online. So there it is.

First and foremost, Peter Pan is a freaking idiot.  The boy can't keep track of his shadow, which apparently has its own personality.  I'd say that's a case for a whole team of doctors to look into. Also, the lost boys?  Grow up. You want Wendy to be your mother?  Maybe you shouldn't have left your own mothers in the first place, insolent little shits.  "Oh yay, a place where you can go and play forever and never how to grow up or have responsibility."

Also known as regressive psychosis.
Meanwhile...the mothers of these little bastards have likely filed missing persons reports, believing their sons to be runaways, kidnap victims, or worse.  The parents are sitting by the phone, waiting for a phone call that will never come, wondering what on earth happened as they amass files and stats and badger everyone they encounter about missing children statistics and spending every waking moment searching for their lost sons.  And all the while, these are boys who have decided playing fort and war is more important than say, a warm bed, parents who love you, being able to see their dog again...I could go on forever.  The point is, it should be called "IncrediblySelfishLand" and Peter Pan as their ringleader deserves to be smacked around more than a little bit.  

Then let's get on with Peter Pan's treatment of Wendy and Tiger Lily.  
Women do not exist for your sole amusement, you little bastard, and Wendy is not your property or slave to be made to tell you stories.  Again, if you wanted a fucking story at night, maybe some of you shouldn't have left your families in the first place.  Tiger Lily is not some object to be caught as a prize.  And Wendy. You should be ashamed - ashamed! - of letting yourself be bullied and controlled by this little snot when really, you should punch him in the face for being the jerk he is.

Finally, Tinkerbell.
What is with the clothes that barely exist?  Just because you're a faerie doesn't mean your skirt can't come a little lower.  And that selfish, jealous, self-righteous little bitch prances around like she's God's gift to Neverland and owns Peter Pan. "I'm Tink and I'm angry and I can get whatever I want by pouting about it." (Brings back memories of the time a girl I worked with actually said: "I'm cute, I can do what I want.")
Well, fuck you, Tinkerbell.  
Nice characterization, nice way to tell women that their either a boring, dry shrew - Wendy - or otherwise a tramp who uses sex to get what she wants but by all means should not be taken seriously - Tink.  There is no character in this entire movie that I can get behind or enjoy or would want my (nonexistent) children to root for, save for - you guessed it - Captain Hook himself, or else maybe Nana, the dog.


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