Monday, July 9

Annoying Characters: Part 2

Continuing the countdown of characters who I find the most obnoxious and annoying...

7.) Padme Amidala ~

We first meet Padme Amidala in Phantom Menace, and in that element, she is not so bad.  And throughout the series, she has several awesome costumes.  No, my complaint with Padme is in Attack of the Clones and to a greater extent, Revenge of the Sith.  Because you know what, sweetie?  You're selfish.  You claim to love Anakin, but you put him in terrible positions.  You know he's torn between you and his Jedi-ness, but rather than say "Yeah, I love you, but it just can't happen," - you totally encourage him to be torn between two worlds.  Maybe find another guy, or at least accept that no matter how much you love this one, it's not meant to be.  No, no, can't do that...let's have a secret love, because that will totally work and won't put your man in a weird place at all.  Further, toward the end of Sith, there is a scene where Anakin goes to her and explains that he's having dark, conflicted feelings, wondering where his loyalty is, etc.  And what is her response?  Does she make it okay for him to share his confusion?  Does she offer comfort or help or ask him to explain more?  Nope.  Her response is:  "Hold me, Ani."  Yeah...because your lover just basically told you he's going to the dark side and instead of trying to offer help and support, you need to be held.  What a wonderful and not at all selfish lover you are.  Additionally: 1.) She lost the will to live?  Really?  Come on!  2.) When Obi-Wan tells you that your precious Ani has gone to the dark side, you refuse to believe - even though only a few scenes ago, he basically told you that himself!  Wake up and smell the betrayal, you dumb bitch!  3.) Finally - virtually every time she comes on screen in Episodes II and III, we go from interesting sci-fi story to....soap opera?  I'm sorry, when did this movie go from being about inter-galactic war, politics, the rise and fall of different powers and turn into "Days of Our Lives: Coruscant"?  Exactly.  Ultimately, my point with her is: if you really loved Anakin you would have either A.) Let him go, or B.) Tried to actually help him instead of whining the whole time.

6.) Ted Mosby ~
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You know what?  I watch this show in spite of this guy, not because of him.  If the entire show was about the characters Marshall and Lily, I would be delighted.  Ted is equal parts putz and dillhole.  It seems like every girl he encounters is "the one."  He seems to fall desperately in love with girls within a matter of minutes.  Robin, Stella, the Cupcake Girl...really?  Let things develop - moving really fast once is romantic - doing it with every girl you meet is stalkery.  Don't be a psycho.  And Ted? Quit fucking with your hair.  Any man who cares about his hair as much as you do is clearly a self-centered douchehound.  It's not adorable, it's obnoxious.  Finally: there are so many episodes where you are just downright annoying in every possible way.  I'd list the episodes you had your head completely up your ass during, but...that would mean listing almost the entire series.  Don't care about you, Ted.  Everyone else is awesome.

5.) Charlie Calvin ~
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This is one whiny kid.  He's mastered the art of pouting and whining and wonders why they never want to do what he wants to do.  You know why, Charlie?  Because you're stupid. Also, I get that you're all excited that your Dad is Santa Clause, but maybe don't run your mouth about it.  Did this kid not experience teasing - ever? (I find that hard to believe.)  He parades this "fact" around and all his little school buddies think it's so great - in the real world, anyone claiming their parent was Santa Claus would get a hardcore pounding until he shut-his-fucking-mouth.  Just shut up, kid.  Quit your damn whining.  The world does not actually revolve around you.  (This is what's wrong with kids today.  Too much damn entitlement and selfishness.)  I love Christmas movies of all kinds and this character completely ruins The Santa Clause.  Hi, my name is Charlie Calvin and I'm a spoiled little brat whose going to ruin this movie.  My hobbies include being stupid, trying to make my dad feel like a schmuck, pouting, and being generally whiny and ungrateful.  Finally, the ultimate creep factor comes when Charlie announces he plans to go into the family business.  The indication is that he plans to become Santa Claus himself one day.  But since that only happens if the current Santa dies...we can only assume that at the tender age of whatever, already little Charlie is planning to commit patricide.  Awesome.

4.) Robin ~
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I don't hate the character Robin entirely.  Just Joel Schumacher's whiny-bitch version of him.  Seriously - don't blame Arnold for ruining Batman and Robin - sure his sense of humor was groan worthy and lame - but at least he had one.  Robin spends the entire length of this film whining like a petulant twelve-year-old-boy.  It's no wonder Batman doesn't want to work with Robin - he's an asshat of the highest order.  Now, neither Batman Forever or Batman and Robin are particularly great movies, but Robin was the icing on the annoying cake.  In both films, Robin's entire dialogue is pretty much: wah-wah-wah-wah. 
Fun fact: there is a scene in Batman and Robin where our heroes are discussing Poison Ivy and Batman says: "She wants to kill you, Dick."  Until Shawn explained to me that he said that because the first Robin's real name was Dick Grayson, I totally thought he was calling Robin a dick.  Which makes a lot of sense, I think.

3.) Sarah ~
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So, "Sarah" is a girl of about 16 years who acts like she's 5.  And I'm not just talking about her running around playing dress-up.  I'm referring to her mentality.  Because really...fifteen, sixteen years...early high school. . . . This girl had more dolls at that age than I had ever in my entire life and she throws a fit over even one.  She is spoiled, self-centered (yes, I'm aware that most teenagers are - also doesn't make them endearing) and whiny.  Why doesn't she want to babysit her little brother?  Not so she can go to the lake with friends (she probably doesn't have any) -  because it will interrupt her very important playing with her dolls time.
Getting lost in a good fantasy?  Awesome.  Being outside?  Even better.  Having an active imagination?  Great.  Running around dressed up pretending to be a princess when maybe you should be thinking about say, exams, getting a license, going to a concert, doing some sort of extracurricular activity....psycho.  Grow the fuck up and quit being a poster child for "brat."

2.) Anakin Skywalker ~

I love Star Wars and Darth Vader is one of my most favorite characters ever of all time.  That said - damn you, George Lucas!  (I also hold him totally responsible for the fact that 3 of my top fifteen are from this series.)  Darth Vader is one of the most bad ass villains of all time, he's feared throughout several galaxies and THIS is what you give us as his back story?  I understand wanting to make someone conflicted, I understand he wasn't always a bad guy - but Oh. My. God.  My cat is more of a man than this whiny, crying little bitch - and she's afraid of the clattering of dishes. My God.  Note to Anakin: grow-the-hell-up.  Man-up.  Stop being so naive.  And finally...going to the dark side in order to save Padme and her unborn child....hmmm...sounds good in theory - shitty execution, George.  Because I'm pretty sure that's the last thing on Coruscant that Padme would want would for her loved one to turn into a vicious killer - you know - for her benefit.
Final note: once he finally pledges his allegiance to Palpatine, then he becomes cool.  And when the eyes turn yellow - finally some awesomeness.


Now, I considered putting Tinkerbell very high on this list, but since we all know how I feel about that, I thought it would be redundant to add her.  So, the moment we've all been waiting for...the single most annoying character - ever.


1.) Dawn Summers ~
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Oh Joss Whedon.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of the greatest shows ever.  Except for this little nugget of pukability.  Beginning in season five, we are introduced to Buffy's younger sister, Dawn, who had never previously existed.  They explain it, but it's...well, it's "eh."  Season five and six are each 22 episodes of: Dawn is selfish and whiny and screws things up for everyone around her and then complains that no one wants her around.  Well, hard to say why.  Seriously, I love the show Buffy and I even enjoy seasons 5 through 7.  But Dawn Summers - worst character ever.  She makes the above characters look positively noble.  I can't even talk about it.  She's like Voldemort (except for the fact that Voldemort is about ten thousand times more awesome).  She is the character of which we do not speak.  Seasons 5 and 6 in particular...give 'em a look see - pick any episode.  I guarantee you Dawn will do something selfish, stupid, and whiny and in general make life miserable for everyone around her - especially those watching the show.  Curse you, Dawn Summers.  Curse you.


  1. I would like to say that Becky would have been as equally annoyed by the Buffy spin-off Angel's character: Connor, who is basically Dawn with a penis! Great stuff baby!

  2. I loved your most annoying characters countdown. :) I laughed out loud at your Ted Mosby comments (which 6 seasons in, his character really is getting's the same ol' crap with every girl he likes...come up with a new storyline!!!!) and I agree and Marshall and Lily are the best with Barney coming in a close second. Bravo on your list and extensive explanations. Makes me want to come up with a fun list of sorts too! :)

    1. I agree **THAT Marshall and Lily are the best...too many ands. :)

    2. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Makes me happy to give people a laugh. :) And you should come up with a list - I actually had a lot of fun with this one and I'd love to see what grates on other people's nerves. :)


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