Thursday, September 20

15 Movies to Avoid

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Movies That Suck Super Hard.  Hope you enjoy!

1.) The Fast and the Furious 

I really liked this movie when it was made ten years earlier and called Point Break. Unfortunately the reboot is a clunky, laughable, and overdone fantasy that appears to come from the mind of a thirteen year old boy.

2.) Click

Avoid this movie at all costs.  By the time it's over, you'll want to stab yourself several times just to have something much less painful (and infinitely more cheerful) to do with your time.

3.) Forces of Nature 

An overly long, eye-rolling "comedy" that makes you despise Sandra Bullock.  Any movie that can make her hate-worthy is bad news.

4.) Burlesque

Those who follow my movie reviews page will already be familiar with the level of unoriginal torture this movie is.  For a more scathingly in-depth review of this disaster, look here.

5.) Team America: World Police

This movie starts off rather enjoyable and funny.  Then, about a half an hour in, they  exponentially up the ante on the F and C bombs - to the point that it severely distracts from any humor the movie may have had left in it.  Take it from me: if I'm put off by how much foul language is in a movie, it's really bad.

6.) Rumor Has It...

As much as I love Jennifer Aniston, this is another for the "unfortunate" column.  Watching this movie is approximately as entertaining as staring at carpet for two hours.  On the plus side, it might help with insomnia?

7.) Did You Hear About the Morgans?

Did you hear about the amazing reviews this movie got?  No, no you didn't.  One of the most ill-conceived actor pairings ever in the history of motion pictures on top of a story that makes For Richer or Poorer look like Oscar bait.  It's that bad.  (Side note: check out the imdb page for this movie and note that none of the primary people involved in the making of this film have done anything good or successful since this piece of poop.  That's what we call a career-killer.)

8.) Jerry Maguire

One of the most overrated movies of the '90's.  This movie is just God-awful and given the choice between a root canal and this movie, I'll take the drill.

9.) Just Like Heaven

A rare Reese Witherspoon fail.  Not for one second do I buy Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo as a couple and that's the smallest of a long line of things wrong with this film.  Boring, predictable, hate-inducing. . . I could go on.  But I won't.  Not today.

10.) Failure to Launch

Okay.  I admit I am not a fan of Matthew McConaughey for several reasons, the primary one being that every interview I've read with him in it, he comes off as a shallow, egotistical douche nugget.  But that's not why I hate this film.  I hate this film because outside of the horrific acting and overly-convenient ending, the premise is the single dumbest thing I've ever seen on-screen.  And that's really saying something.

11.) The Sweetest Thing

Well, this is the movie version of the hot mess.  I've seen music videos with better acting and episodes of "Beavis & Butthead" with more complex plots.  I imagine this movie getting the green light by some guy with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and drool rolling down his chin as he slurred. . . "Dur. . . girls. . . purty."

12.) Blue Streak

It's not funny, okay?  This movie is just stupid and Luke Wilson should have known better.

13.) Gone in 60 Seconds

Know a movie that has fewer plot holes and more realism? Mosquito.  

14.) Grown Ups

Setting aside the flimsy plot, the ridiculous and unlikable characters, this movie goes on about twenty minutes too long and seems more like a reason for Sandler and crew to get together and act like seven year olds than anything else.  A thousand levels of disappointment.

15.) Adventureland

There is so much ironic nostalgia in this movie, it's like a hipster's wet dream.  Every character in the film has their head up their ass and it's one of the most boring things I've ever seen.  Ever.  Stay away from Adventureland for the good of people with brains everywhere.

All pics from


  1. Wonderful list babe, enjoyed it very much! Your comments on Click and the Morgans were really funny, and everything was right on cue!

  2. Sorry Becks I normally agree with you, but I like over half the films on this list so I have to disgaree with you on this one.

    1. ^ I actually took some flack on that from friends, too. Glad you shared the input, though.

  3. Omg I loved The Sweetest Thing! Whats wrong with you! Lol

    And honestly? Any movie with KStew is horrible.


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