Wednesday, March 14

Body Shape | Le Sigh

{{{This post was inspired by/poached from this post by Heather.}}}

Well, let's start with the basics: 
I'm not going to tell you my exact measurements because while I am working on body acceptance and body positivity (for all sizes and shapes and colors and ALL) - I'd be lying if I said I was okay with my own size/weight and sharing it with the world. Maybe someday.

What I will share is that I am 5'2", for all intents and purposes. Depends how straight I stand up.
My bra size is DD and I find it hard to find a bra that fits well and is reasonably comfortable. That's all I ask for, and it's practically impossible, unless I want to spend $60+. (The answer is no.)

When I got married in 2006 and got fitted for my wedding dress, my measurements were:
Your bust is size 18.
Your waist is size 14.
Your hips are size 10.
(I am bigger/ heavier now.)

For me, there is no guesswork.
I am an:
inverted triangle/apple/ectomorph.

Some Stuff I Do Know About My Body/Appearance:

  • I have small feet. I can frequently (not always) get away with wearing kids' shoes. The shoes I wore to my wedding were from the little girls section. However, the width and depth of my feet can also make it very difficult to find good shoes.
  • I have bad posture (probably from a combination of the weight of my boobs and also years of trying to make myself as invisible as possible). It's a work in progress.
  • I was a towhead right up until 8th grade when my hair started to change. It wasn't until 10th grade that I accepted having light brown hair.
  • My eyes have that golden ring in the irises from the melanin thing.
  • My feet get cold easily, even when the rest of me is sweating.
  • I have literally ALWAYS been chubby. Pictures of me as a baby and up through toddlerhood into childhood are proof of that. 
  • My neck is very short.

Some Stuff I Have Been Told About My Body/Appearance: 
  • "That hair color doesn't suit you." - when I had purple hair in my early twenties
  • "If God meant for you to have tattoos, you'd have been born with them." 
  • "You need to tame that shit down." - About my hair.
  • "You have a really sour face." - My mouth shape is naturally down-turned.
  • "Why are your boobs so big?" - A random kid in a grocery line.
  • "There's nothing worse than a fugly fat chick."  
  • "You should wear make up more often." 
- Okay, so the above ended up being more negative (except the kid, who was honestly just curious), and I searched my mind for compliments or positives and they pretty much all ended up like...not there?
   Of course people have complimented me or said nice things before. Female friends have said things like "I think you're beautiful," and I know Shawn finds me attractive. I'm sure my parents told me I was pretty when I was young - surely they did, but I cannot recall, which is odd because I have a pretty stellar memory. *Shrug.
   (It is worth noting again that this is related only to the physical.)

 I haven't been able to identify any specifics as to what part of my shape or appearance yields the most comments. I think it depends on the group the comments come from, but it doesn't really matter because no one has more commentary on my appearance than me.

I should also note that I am trying to work on body positivity and I'm doing great - with literally everyone else. With myself, I am still stuck trying to just accept myself.
But it is hard.
Very, very, hard.



  1. Omg those if god meant shit... Like if god meant for us to have indoor plumbing, cars, electricity... all that would have existed already??? Such strange logic.

    My coworker has been really depressed with her after preganancy body and she says at this weight she just doesn't feel like buying clothes or trying to look good/fashionable and I asked if it was because if she bought clothes at this weight, she was resigning/accepting herself at this weight and that wasn't acceptable to her? and she said, yeah, that's a big part of it :(

    It's just sucks that so many people are so unhappy with the body that they are in right now, like, that is you, this is the vessel you are spending your life in and it's making you unhappy. My husband is feeling super down about his weight gain too. I feel so helpless to say or do anything cause it feels like I shouldn't/can't say anything because it feels I don't know. I've never had to deal with being overweight so what do I know?

    But now I'm curious what shoe size you are!!! Your feet look like such barbie feet, from what I remember when you showed a pic of your high arches? I get envious of people with cute feet since mine are such ugly little things *post pending when I gather the courage.

    1. It's so funny the different things we are and aren't comfortable sharing. Like, I can't share my weight or size, but I can share my feet. (My right foot is size 5D, my left foot is size 6DD, which even the podiatrist said a full size different is not unheard of, but it's not common. Most people have a half a size at most. It's not like you look at them and they are ridiculously mismatched, but it definitely makes finding shoes a challenge!)

      I do know for a lot of people buying clothes that fit when they have gained some weight is hard, because of accepting that weight. For me, it's hard to find clothes that fit in general, because I don't have money for tailoring or to buy more expensive stuff that fits well. It is what it is.
      Yeah, the whole "If God meant..." I want to counter like, "If God meant for you to wear lipstick, you would've been born with hot pink lips, but here we are."

  2. Who ever decided that unsolicited negative comments on a person's appearance were not a crime punishable by a slap in the face. I don't know what to say about bopo besides fill your feed with the kind that speaks to you. Read books by happy bopo chicks like Bodiposipanda(what I am reading right now). Join Summer Innanen's private FB group Break the Rules: Body Positive and Anti Diet Community (I am a member). Do what you can in the self care/ being nice to yourself vein. It doesn't happen overnight, it takes work, and trusting that liking yourself is a better way to be. It is a struggle for me lately because I am realizing how much I relied on obsessing about my weight to distract me from other issues. Anyway I will dm you something that helped me alot. xo

    1. I look forward to your DM.
      I will look into that facebook group. And yeah, unsolicited negative comments should be responded to with a face slap. That should just be a thing. LOL
      I am working on trying to be nicer to myself and more positive and accepting, like you said - it's not easy, and it takes time. :)


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