SLIDER

TV Shows I Gave Up On


1.) Insatiable
 
I watched one episode of this show and thought it was funny but ridiculous. I had already heard a lot of 'WTF' about this show, so I did a little googling and apparently it gets REALLY ridiculous. 



I just couldn't continue knowing how insane it gets. (For further discussion, click on the video to see Alex Myers's entire video discussing the epic crazy of this show.)
 

2.) Fear the Walking Dead
 
Oh lord. You know the reasons: 
Unlikable characters that you wish would just get slapped across the face/tossed out a window/whatever. As long as they disappear. Because there are some awful characters on various tv shows I've seen, but FtWD takes the cake for the sheer number of terrible characters making terrible choices. I hate them all and want them all to die horrible deaths.
Secondly, the timeline of this show is incomprehensible to me. It is meant to be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, (at least the first season), but the world they've built makes it seem as if it has been going on for months and months. The retread of of the same old: look for shelter/who should we help/not help/lose shelter for some reason. I had been looking forward to a more genuine beginning. Have random reports of outbreaks but then it gets hushed up. Spreading paranoia, religious groups making their voices known, questions like: can we trust what is being reported/the government/etc. So much wasted potential!
And finally, that Morgan and Dwight showed up, which to me is just fucking insane. Morgan a little less so, but these are characters from several years into the apocalypse on TWD. And suddenly they are appearing in FtWD? I don't know because I stopped watching before they appeared, but to me it just completely negates the whole timeline.

Image result for kill em all gif


3.) The Walking Dead
 
I held on mostly through season 6. Occasionally I would just get a recap of an episode, but mostly I watched with husband. And then there was too much Negan. Too many story jumps. Too many characters; it was getting spread too thin and in the effort for writers to cover all these story arcs, emotional development, growth, motivation...so much got lost. The 7th season felt slower than the 2nd to me. And I realize they had and needed guns. But the insane excess of munitions these groups all had. I was like, "Is TWD now sponsored by the NRA?" 
 
Related image
  
 For the sake of transparency, I should note that I do still "watch" - that is, my husband will watch an episode and I will be doing something on my computer and occasionally checking in to get a re-cap on the biggest elements of plot.


That's it for this episode of TV Shows I Gave Up On. What TV shows have you abandoned and why?

Sunday Confessions: December 22, 2019





I Confess: I just came across ambient mixer online, and I'm in love. It really is nice when I'm writing.

I Confess: During my recovery from surgery, any muscle tone I might have once had is now gone. So I started doing some basic arm exercises today, but I only did one or two sets (depending on the exercise) and with only 3lb. weights. I have to work back up. The good news is that on December 24th, in just two days, almost all my restrictions will be ended. Yay!

I Confess: Isabelle is getting older. (Well duh.) She will be fourteen in February, but in the past few months, we've noticed a definite decline in her activity level, jumping, and eyesight. She is by all accounts healthy, but we suspect her vision is not what it once was and probably she has some arthritis. It just makes me aware that she won't be with us forever, and that saddens me. 

I Confess: I'm reading this book and I'm about halfway through, and I kind of just want to abandon it because it is so dull, but another part of me is like "must finish, I've made it this far..." and I've been putting way more thought into thinking about whether I should finish the book or not than I have actually reading the book. 




Film Friday: Santa Jaws

imdb/source



This is one of those occasions when the trailer does not do the movie justice.
This movie is so beautiful and special. Possibly the most important film ever made. It made me so happy.

Here's what you need to know: kid draws a comic book - "Santa Jaws" - the killer Christmas shark. Comic book shark comes to life and kills people. The end.
WATCH IT.

A for awesomely craptacular.

Heads Up: Blood

Currently available on SyFy channel.








Sunday Confessions: December 15, 2019




I Confess: 
I thought I had posted my Film Friday review and then I hadn't and that is why these two posts are so close together.
I Confess: 
I waited until today (technically yesterday now) to sign up for healthcare. Note: don't do that.
I Confess: 
I did it again, which is why this is now Monday confessions.

I Confess: 
You may remember that I've mentioned before that I have had suspicions about my being lactose intolerant. Well, yeah. While healing, I have discovered that I am indeed definitely lactose intolerant. I mean...I can absolutely eat dairy products - as long as I'm down with coughing, gagging, and ultimately puking for a few hours afterwards.






But I've been trying to push my luck because I love dairy. So I switched from regular milk to fair life milk, hoping that would work. LOL Nope. My body was like: Did I fucking stutter? Vomit it is!
So I surrender.

Film Friday: Christmas Break-In

imdb/source






What the actual fuck is this movie?

Not just taking nods or winks from Home Alone, Christmas Break-In is essentially the Home Alone story, with a few plot points photoshopped so it's not a 100% rip-off.

The main character is Izzy, a nine year old with Christina Aguilera's Lady Marmalade hair.
More than anything in the entire world, she wants a Fender guitar for Christmas. And wouldn't you know it? Today only, there is a sale for 50% off! She's been building up to this and reminding her terrible parents about it for ages: pick her up after school and take her to get the guitar.

And of course, they forget.

Meanwhile, the three dumbest criminals in the world (they make Harry & Marv from Home Alone look like a couple of damn geniuses), decide to hide out in the closed school for a while until the heat snow storm dies down. With their loot. Which is a bag of coins stolen from the Salvation Army donation box? And they're like "Ah, we're headed to the tropics!" With coins. I get that the movie is trying to make them extra-evil because they're stealing from Salvation Army, but...it's a bag of coins. At best, they're going to have a couple hundred bucks and they act like they just knocked over a casino.
At any rate, obviously they hide out in the same school that our plucky heroine is still in, and hi-jinks ensue. 

Believe it or not, THAT'S not what's ridiculous about this movie. 
Nine year old Izzy is best friends with janitor Ray. Who...is allowed to keep his dog with him all day at work? Which would make sense if they had put a service vest on the dog. But no. By all accounts, the dog, Grace, is just a pet. 
And Izzy spends all her free time and recess with janitor Ray. In his office. And no one seems to question this. And the fact that he has an office. Like, a big one that he appears to live in, except he obviously doesn't, because he goes home at the end of the day. But the office is decorated and he keeps his prize guitar in there and it's like...what is happening here? 

I don't even think there are any teachers in this movie that I recall. I mean, isn't there a rule or something that all kids have to be actually picked up/on a bus before the faculty can leave? Doesn't the principal at least have to stay if there is a stray child? The girl is CLEARLY out there waiting for her terrible parents, it's not like she was hiding out.

And then when the parents finally realize they have yet again failed to be halfway decent, instead of  being Katherine O'Hara and all "How could we? We're terrible!", these parents are like "Man, how could we? Well, we can't be blamed. We are busy."

Ultimately everything works out and at the end, the family has janitor Ray over for Christmas because...heartwarming? and at the end of wrapping all the presents, the parents are like "Oh, we have one more special gift for Izzy..." 
....and it's.....
a guitar case.
The fucking case.
It's like.. you are terrible parents. You actually should be attempting to buy your child's love at this point; you owe her a damn guitar. 
But never mind, because janitor Ray is giving his classic prize guitar to Izzy, so all is well. (And the parents didn't know this, they were just going to go on being shits.)



This movie has to be seen to be believed.

E

Heads Up: No warnings that I can remember.

Currently available on Netflix.





Sunday Confessions: December 8, 2019




I Confess:  
I am lucky enough that I don't require chemotherapy or radiation. However: I am on so many other medicines. Multiple inhalers, 2 different pain killers, multiple antitussives & expectorants, allergy pills, nasal sprays, and also now a med for high cholesterol because I am falling apart. This is all on top of the other meds I regularly take. You know that part in Star Wars when Obi-Wan is like "He's more machine now, than man..." 
Yeah. I told husband one day, "She's more pharmacy now, than woman." 






I Confess: 
I am a bit worried that I'm not going to be ready to return to work when I'm supposed to be.

I Confess: 
I was planning to see the new Black Christmas in the theaters; we'd been planning since the first time we saw the trailer. Even before, kind of. And then I learn it's rated PG13.
What? I mean, on top of the fact that the trailers I feel give away maybe too much and yes, it looks predictable and like a glammed-up version of Buffy's "Reptile Boy," but I still wanted to see it. Because I like horror movies. And I like Christmas horror movies. But pile on a trailer that makes the movie look predictable and gives away far too much and on top of it make it PG13? No. I'm not paying theater prices (not even the Tuesday $5 matinee price) for that. I won't. 



 

Film Friday: Anna and the Apocalypse

source/imdb


Four words:
Scottish. Zombie. Christmas. Musical.
That's pretty much what you need to know about Anna and the Apocalypse.
A 2017 musical horror comedy, I have no idea why this wasn't on my radar far sooner than now. Alas.




Now, in the tradition of being the main girl, Anna is the least interesting character in the entire film. However, she does deviate from the typical final girl formula in that, rather than being a good girl who thinks of others first and has more conscience than any other character in the film, Anna is kind of a snot, and exceptionally good at making everything about herself. So, I guess, more real-world normal? Still, not a very interesting or likable character.

At any rate, the plot is straightforward: It's December 22nd/23rd, there's a high school Christmas pageant. Anna thinks her small town is so lame so she's going to work instead. Singing! Zombies! Christmas decorations! Teenagers dealing with adults who are just so unfair and unrequited crushes!


Image result for dumbledore love's keen sting gif


The zombie apocalypse happens and our teens must work together to join other teens at the school. There is mayhem, carnage, and musical numbers.

I am not normally a fan of musicals, so the fact that I enjoyed this is quite something. I don't have any complaints really, except perhaps I think some of the relationships between characters could have been explored a little bit more, and I identified more with the mean, unfair adults than the kids, so I would probably skip those songs, even though they are appropriate for the characters.

All around, a fun romp I would definitely watch again.
Currently available on Hulu.

B+

Heads Up: Blood, Gore, Violence, Language. 






Film Friday: Let it Snow


source/imdb





Ugh. You  guys. This movie. It brings to mind the phrase "I can't even." 
It is based on the YA book of the same name, written by three YA authors, one of them unfortunately being John Green, most notably famous for The Fault in Our Stars.
Quick note: I don't GAF about John Green. I have never read any of his other works except for in Let it Snow and I don't care to. Green's contribution to the book is widely considered the weakest entry in the trilogy of stories that make up the book.

So what is this movie? 
Well, it's nowhere near as good as the book, and that's not saying much. 
This movie is basically one of those ensemble-cast where each character has their own storyline and they all somehow merge and have brilliant realizations at the end holiday movies. Except for 13 year olds, who still suffer the delusion that life will be exciting and full of parties in three or four years, instead of just more of the same, except with more pressure and some of them will be able to drive. If I was 13, I probably would've adored this movie.

What's good in this movie: 
Isabela Merced as "Julie." I feel like she did a good job without being over the top, and overall, I enjoyed her performance the most.  

The scenery was beautiful. 

The other actors were fine.

What's bad:
The stories are scattered and uneven, they feel incomplete.

The ridiculousness of the plot. Okay, in the book, the plots of the 3 stories are also ridiculous. But it's at least explained why there are essentially no parents. Here, watching this movie, I was like "It's Christmas Eve! What the fuck are you kids doing? Don't you have families to go home to? Or something better to do? Where the hell are your parents?" There is no reason for most of the characters in the movie to actually be in the movie, and the motivations are pretty much non-existent.

But, because every teen movie apparently needs a party of some kind, the writers and producers decided that one of the characters had to be an aspiring DJ to put together a Christmas Eve party at the Waffle House Town so he can hopefully be discovered by some other stupid famous DJ who is allegedly going to be there later. (Spoiler: he doesn't show.) 

There is also the teenager who can't afford college and has a scholarship to her dream school but probably can't go anyway because Mommy is slowly dying from plot contrivance disease. But! Don't worry. It will all work out for both her and aspiring DJ boy, because one of the people who are "stranded" in this tiny town on Christmas Eve is a famous hip hop singer who just happens to form a luuuvvvv connection over the course of a few hours with poor girl who can't afford Columbia.

Ultimately, it's just stupid. The movie is stupid and not funny and that's not just because of my age.


D

Heads Up: No warnings.

A Netflix Original, currently available on Netflix.




It's a Kundus

Oh boy. This is going to be a long one. Entertaining though, I promise.

At the very end of July, I got sick. Your basic cough, sore throat, earache situation.
A few days later, I felt worse. So I went to Urgent Care. The doctor there was unhelpful. He was like "your ears might hurt, but I can't see anything, so they definitely aren't infected." He prescribed antibiotics and refused to back-date a work note and even when I asked for the note to be written for like, one or two more days off, he was like "no, you're fine to return to work tomorrow."
I think he thought I was exaggerating or that my symptoms were psychosomatic or something.

A few days after that, I was still getting noticeably worse. Shawn was like "OH MY GOD JUST GO TO YOUR DOCTOR." So I went to my GP.
And she was all "Um, your ears are super infected and he didn't give you an inhaler? I'm prescribing an inhaler. And you're totes going on leave, because, um, hello. And also you need a chest X-ray, because - damn."

I almost skipped the chest x-ray, because who wants to do that, especially just to find out, sure enough, you're sick, keep taking those antibiotics." And every road from my GP's office to the lab was like, one-lane construction both ways.

But I went. Because I didn't have anything else to do that day and I like and respect my GP (New, btw. I just switched practitioners in April.)
So I went.
We borrowed some money from my dad for the super-not-cheap-even-after-shitty-insurance inhaler.
I started to improve.
V-e-r-y, v-e-r-y, s-l-o-w-l-y.

So the next day, I get a phone call from the office. My Dr.'s nurse. This is the conversation we had:
NURSE: So, remember that spot on your lung from like, 5 years ago?
ME: No.....
NURSE: That doesn't ring a bell? A chest scan from 2014 showed a small spot?
ME: No......
NURSE: Not at all?
ME: ...........
NURSE: Anyway, in 2014 a small spot was found on your lungs. And it's grown since then, so Dr. Awesome wants you to have a CT scan. We've scheduled it for X.
ME: Oh-kay.....
NURSE: You were really never aware of this?
ME: Um...I remember some rando doctor at Urgent Care mentioning it back in 2016, but he said it was small and not uncommon and not to worry about it and also I had a fever of 103° and I forgot about it the second I walked out of the clinic. (No one was with me at the time.)
NURSE: huh.

So...several days later, we do a CT scan. And the next day I read the report from the radiologist on my hospital portal.
It says: (in a nutshell)




Moreover, it says the nodule is 2.5cm in diameter, is spiculated, and they have no idea what it is. But they can't rule out Cancer, so we think we should do a biopsy, but we need a pulmonologist to look at it first. 

Wait 17 days for appointment with pulmonologist. In the mean time, still sick, still off work. Get follow-up X-ray one night at the ER when I'm coughing hideously and also can't breathe. Find out - hey, you had Whooping Cough because some asshat didn't vaccinate their sprog, but it's ok, because your second round of antibiotics are kicking that down and it's almost gone now anyway.
Get return to work note. After six weeks of unpaid leave, return to work with significantly reduced hours. 

Appointment with pulmonologist, whom I'll call Dr. Ass, finally arrives. He knew his shit, for sure. But he was a total assface. At one point,  he asked me a question, and when I started to answer, explaining that the symptom had been there off and on for years but I always blew it off, he said (and this is a direct quote:) - "I don't need you to explain, just answer the question." 

Ok, damn.

I continued explaining my symptoms and also said that I was aware that my weight could create some of the symptoms, but not to the degree I'd been experiencing, and I was aware that my weight was probably exacerbating some of them, but still, I was unable to shake whatever-the-kundus. 

He then continued to explain that he didn't think The Kundus actually was anything, probably just a random benign growth. He then went on to yammer about my weight and basically said: 

 

Then he was like "Well, I suppose we should do a biopsy. If they can even do a biopsy, because you are a really big girl." 



Image result for you're not wrong you're just an asshole gif 


So we go to do the biopsy. 

And.....NOPE.

Because The Kundus is directly beneath a rib, and also resting directly between two major blood vessels. So they're like "we literally cannot biopsy this without running the risk of stabbing one of two major blood vessels and then we'd have to rush you into trauma surgery and well, let's not."

I agreed, because, duh. But I was still annoyed.
So they were like "we'll do a PET scan instead." 

So they send the non-biopsy stuff to the pulmonologist so he can recommend the PET scan, and after a few days, that goes through and I have the PET scan. 

Which, after everything, was like, the least obnoxious part of the whole thing. Get a shot of some nuclear medicine, lay in a dark, quiet room for an hour, go to the bathroom, get the scan, done. 

A few days after that, get the notice from the pulmonologist that yes, the Kundus lit up on the scan image, so he's referring me to a cardiothoracic surgeon.

So a bit later I have the appointment with Dr. Bob. (Totally not his name, but he seems like a Dr. Bob.) He goes over what the surgery to remove the kundus would entail, how he would go about it, what the risks and heal time would be. He was very confident (but not in an obnoxious, cocky way), and even said he felt it was probably the random benign growth that the pulmonologist put in his notes. He said - and I quote - "I would be willing to be $1000 that's what it is." 

My appointment with him was on a Monday and we scheduled the surgery for Thursday morning. It was either that Thursday or wait a couple weeks, which would've been fine, but I was SO BEYOND READY to just get it out, whatever it was, so I went with the earlier date.

And there we have it. I started this long post the night before I went in and ten days out from release, I'm now finishing it. 

So that is how I spent my summer, and how we went from normal la-la-life to major surgery and a hospital stay.


Sunday Confessions: November 10, 2019




I Confess: I had hoped that, as soon as I got home, I would be on top of my blogging and blog reading lickity-split. Alas, I am getting better each day, but it has taken longer than I wanted for me to have the energy and focus to do anything remotely productive.

I Confess: You guys. Yesterday I was able to wipe myself after peeing with my right hand. (I am right handed and the thoracotomy was on my right side.) After spending two weeks wiping with my non-dominant hand, this is a delightful little victory.

I Confess: Man I have some awful cabin fever. I'm looking forward to my Dr.'s appointment tomorrow, and not just because I will (hopefully!) get the staples & stitches out. But just to get out of the apartment for a little bit.




Sunday Confessions: October 20, 2019




I Confess: Oh, everything. I have SO MUCH to say. I desperately missed my computer while it was gone, buy when I did get it back, I was so mentally exhausted from other bullshit in my life that I barely used it for several days.

I Confess: I had to go up a size for my work uniform shirts. The reason? I haven't gained any actual pounds, but because I was so sick for so long, I was very inactive and apparently my whole body just got puffier.





I Confess: I am working on getting caught up on my blogging stuff, but it is taking longer than it should because my brain isn't really firing on all cylinders and those that do work are completely preoccupied with stuff and so, since I have had my computer back, I've spent an inordinate amount of time playing Wizard 101, because it's relaxing and it lets my brain be busy enough to be not constantly obsessing about the same stuff, but isn't challenging my brain to actually...you know...function properly. The point? I'm working on it. All will be revealed. 
Eventually.
 




Still, it's good to be back.

Sunday Confessions: September 29, 2019




I Confess: My trash people neighbors finally moved out! After they left for the final time, Shawn and I were like:




Squirrel Chipmunks GIF - Squirrel Chipmunks Happy GIFs



I Confess: "Float On" by Modest Mouse has been my theme song for the past eight weeks.




More on that to come.

I Confess: I recently posted an image on my instagram about a nice bruise I got from my PET scan and I was a little surprised to hear/see how many people knew what a PET scan was and the PM'sI got in response.

I Confess: I was absolutely going to do the first installment of my Halloween films retrospective, but I got super lazy tired and haven't finished the first post yet. Oops. (It will be up this Friday, however.)

I look forward to reading your confessions!

Sunday Confessions: September 22, 2019



I Confess: I have been considering doing a review of the Halloween movies, but I'm not sure if anyone would be interested in such a thing? Let me know?

I Confess: I have SO MANY posts to put up. Some of them aren't even full drafts yet, just titles or bits of a post. I need to get my ass in gear, but some of them must wait because I'm still waiting on more information. Maybe.

I Confess: I am finally back at work after being off for so long and I am thrilled, because I was going stir crazy and also not feeling like I was contributing anything was obnoxious and also, money. So I'm only allowed 3 or 4 four-hour shifts a week, but that is something, and I'm glad.


Sunday Confessions: September 15, 2019




I Confess:  I am so feeling Autumn right now! All the Autumn things! I've been watching the Halloween series and changed my phone background to Autumnal stuff. (Actually did that September 1st.)


I Confess: I have not yet, however, had a PSL, or gotten PS flavored coffee. YET.



I Confess: I kind of don't care that Samhain is pronounced "Sawin." To me, it is "Samhain." I don't know. Normally I'm a stickler for proper pronunciation and such. I guess "Samhain" sounds creepier to me.  And hey, I do what I want.


Sunday Confessions: September 8, 2019




I Confess: I fainted the other day and broke our stand fan - hardcore broke.


I Confess: We had to go to Father Fred to apply for assistance with car repairs (rear brakes). And as we were going in, there was a big 'ole SUV with a nice big MAGA bumper sticker on it and the two women getting out of it were the only other people walking in to FF at the same time as us in a rare moment of not-busyness at Father Fred. 
I may have lost my shit.
I may have started (loudly) spouting off about how hypocritical assholes who voted for Trump do not deserve any kind of public assistance. At all. 
I may have then descended into loud and ugly tears.


I Confess: You might recall that on my previous Sunday Confessions post, I mentioned that I was having difficulty getting gifs to translate correctly to my blog, and I couldn't figure out if it was a blogger issue or a giphy issue or what.
It occurred to me JUST TODAY that I had temporarily changed the settings on my account to show html literally and that I had never gone back to change it to interpret the html codes. So I changed it back. Dur.








Sunday Confessions - August 18, 2019







I Confess: I just spent the last two hours fucking around with stock photos and fonts and photo editor trying to make a couple of new SC headers and I hate them both. Ugh. Groan. The amount of energy and going back and forth I have put into some of these headers, you'd think it was an actually important decision. And then I end up sticking with the kind of shitty one above.


I Confess: I have SO MUCH on my mind and SO MUCH to blog about, but it's one of those things where I don't want to write about it until I have all the information. As soon as I have the full picture, I will DEFINITELY be writing about it. 


I Confess: I also have a lot to blog about (possible Film Friday Reviews, other stuff), but if you follow my instagram, you know that I've been battling a wicked chest infection and double ear infection. Ah, well. It is what it is. (Note: I know a lot of people despise that saying, but I kind of like it, so there.)


I Confess: I just spent twenty minutes trying to add the appropriate gifs to this post because I do like gifs a lot and none of them are showing up and it just pisses me off. I'm not sure if it's a problem on the end of blogger or giphy (where I get the majority of my gifs) or what, but goddammit. I'm done.

 









47 Ways

47 Ways

Hey, look at me stealing Heather's post!

I will bold the ones that I relate to. My comments will be in red.
  1.  When someone asks you where you’re from and their reaction is “My family vacations up there all the time!”
  2. You know the word Fudgie isn’t a dessert. (Or a compliment).
  3. And that word is feared.
  4. You wear a street sign on your hoodies and t-shirts, but M22 means a whole lot more than just a road to you. Most people from here do, and I know what it is and why, but I find it pretentious, so I do not;.
  5. If you don’t have an M22 sticker of some sort on your car/laptop/forehead are you even from NoMich? See above.
  6. The city is run by Trojans, Titans, and Gladiators. And the rivalries are forever. Most people don't care about the Gladiators anymore.
  7. Thirlby Field is where Friday nights are spent in the fall. For a great deal of the population, yes. But I do not care about high school football.
  8. In middle school, football games were social events and you would walk around Thirlby about a hundred times talking with your friends and scoping out your crush.
  9. When Bardons was closing you almost had a mental break down. It’s still there guys, don’t worry.
  10. Moomers ice cream is amazing and usually worth the wait in the line out the door. Just make sure the wind is blowing the right way. It is located next to a lot of cows you know.
  11. The mall and downtown were the hangout spots before you got your driver’s license.
  12. You know West End is where the party’s at and Clinch is more family oriented.
  13. You’ve probably been on a date to Pirates Cove. Or at least a birthday party.Duh.
  14. Driving by the bays never gets old.
  15. Cherry festival traffic is the worst.
  16. You must tweet/Facebook/instagram how bad the traffic is and tell everyone how long it took for you to get to work.
  17. You’ve ridden the Zipper at the Midway because that’s what all the cool kids did. And hopefully lived to tell the tale.
  18. You will never turn left onto the Parkway in the Summer.
  19. You have come to terms with the fact that summer is most of June, July, and August. The rest is winter.
  20. High 70's is perfect weather.
  21. If you go to Pyramid Point and don’t post a photo were you actually at Pyramid point? No. You weren’t.
  22. You know how to drive in 30 inches of snow with 0 visibility because school wasn’t closed that day.
  23. You also know what it’s like to have school closed for a week because of all of the snow, no electricity, and being in a state of emergency,
  24. You know the “Snow Day” ritual by heart.
  25. Thinking about the Hickory hills tow rope still gives you nightmares.
  26. You or a close friend has broken something at Crystal Mountain, Holiday, or Hickory skiing/snowboarding in the winter.
  27. JP’s Mess was your go to breakfast meal until it sadly closed, now J&S Hamburg is the 24 hour spot. I do not remember this "JP's Mess." We had "The Clock."
  28. You know SUP doesn’t just mean “What’s Up?”
  29. You have a relative you always send “Cherry Republic” stuff, too. No, but I have relatives that BUY Cherry Republic stuff every time they visit, so it counts.
  30. There’s “famous” Traverse City families that everyone knows. “No way you’re a (insert last name here)?!”
  31. You still question why our Pro Baseball team is called the “Beach Bums”, but shrug it off and go watch the great American pastime anyway. The Beach Bums & their park was sold and reworked. We used to be in the Cactus League (I don't even know), and now we are in the Northwoods League (which makes a fuck-ton more sense) and our team is the Pit-Spitters.
  32. Cheddar Ale soup from North Peak. Enough said.
  33. ALL OF THE FOOD GUYS.
  34. We’ve all been scared at the Old State Hospital Grounds.
  35. And climbed that Hippy Tree that’s supposedly a portal to hell.
  36. You've "illegally" jumped off the Pier. Oops. I get it, but no.
  37. And you've jumped into the Boardman River off of that TART trail bridge once or twice. Sorry mom. I get it, but no.
  38. For Prom/Homecoming you go to the Open Space to take photos. It is the done thing, but I did not go to prom.
  39. It would suck if two schools had it on the same night because it gets crowded down there.
  40. Dons Drive in shakes are life changing. Not anymore. :(
  41. *gets friend request* “hey, it says they're from TC, I’ve probably seen them before!” *accepts*
  42. You’re used to being close to the water at all times.
  43. You got your boater’s safety license in 6th grade so you could drive a jetski with your mom.
  44. Hiking, fishing, boating, floating, being outside is how you spend your summer.
  45. Opening day of deer season means low attendance at work and at school.
  46. You and your friends' "meeting spot" was/is the parking lot of your high school. Or Meijer, usually Meijer.
  47. You are more than proud to be from one of Michigan's best cities.

Book Review: Death Overdue

author site/source

I wanted to like this book. I mean...a library that is haunted?
Yes!
A cat?
Yes!
Halloween? In New England?
Yes! Yes! Yes!

And....no.

Let's list The Sins of the Book, shall we?

I have mentioned in a previous post that often, a writer's choice of words can be detrimental to their work. (Yes, it can also be beneficial, but I'm focusing on the opposite end of the spectrum.)

1.) What's my age again?
(Poor word choices and descriptions.)

The wrong word can date a book beyond repair. Example: if you read a book today, and a character used the "coolio" as a positive affirmation ("Let's meet up at the gym at 2." - "Coolio, see you then." You would immediately groan and it would suck some of the fun out of the book. (I am not, of course referring to books that are intended to take place in a certain time period.)
We've also all read books where the author is writing an age group incorrectly due to somehow failing to correct generation gaps. (Most often seen with older writers trying to write younger characters.)

Author Allison Brook makes a number of the two above mistakes.
Here are some quotes:
Chapter 1: "I ran my fingers the spikes sticking up from my scalp. Ever since high school, I'd been a rebel in the looks department."



Alarm bells start going off. Because even though they have mentioned the main character is meant to be 29, the hairstyle (and face) I immediately imagine is this one:
image source


Ok. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the author intended it to be an edgy pixie cut.

A few paragraphs later: "If she gave me another lecture on proper attire, this time I knew my rights. The library hadn't had a dress code for its employees since 1963. Still, I tugged at the ends of my tunic, which refused to budge any lower than midthigh over my leggings."

Um...ok. Definite orange flags being raised here. First of all, "tunic" is an extremely dated word, and we are meant to be getting the sense that our main character is a fashion rebel.
NOT getting that feeling, Ms. Brook. In fact, this description only confirms my earlier image from the hair style description.

Chapter 2: (Our main character now has a better job she needs to dress for.) "Good bye, Goth Carrie, I thought..."

Wait....




Now, the author did mention that in chapter one, "Carrie" had purple hair. But it still made me think of those old women with the short spiky hair-dos that dye their hair fun colors. There was literally nothing about our main character that indicates she might be goth. Or even funky. (Or fun.)




Further, whenever our main character refers to her purse - wallet - wristlet - clutch - handbag - tote - literally anything else - you know what she calls it?
A Pocketbook.
Pocketbook is an even more dated term than tunic. The last person I heard refer to the thing women carry their stuff in as a 'pocketbook' is my grandma. 
Using that word is fine if your character is 50+. It's an alarm when the character is meant to be 29.

Later, our character shows how incredibly dull she is by wearing this outfit: 
"...decided to wear brown leggings, a beige blouse with a pattern of horses, a long beige cardigan, and of course, my new boots." ← (Which were brown.)  







2.) I gragidated the 6th grade.
(The main character is somehow a dipstick when we're meant to think otherwise.)
The main character expresses: "I was a bit annoyed that he hadn't told me about Al's being poisoned and his iPad disappearing when he'd questioned me the second time..."
Why would he?
The characters are not friends, lovers, or anything of the sort. She is a relative outsider and a private citizen. He is a cop. He's not just going to randomly share information with you, main character. Other mystery writers at least have to come up with some plausible reason a detective would include a civilian in their investigation. It wasn't like she had discovered the body and had mysterious information she didn't know she had so the police would want to talk with her to jog her memory or something.

Further to this sin, on the one occasion she does actually find something (pointed out to her by the ghost, which we will explore further), she actually is like "I'm not going to share evidence with them because they won't share with me." 
Why would they?
YOU ARE A CIVILIAN! You are not even a P.I. You have literally no reason for them them to share evidence with you!!! 
 

3.) Poor plotting, point-by-point writing.
Which leads me to the next sin, which is the cardinal rule of cozy mysteries. If the main character is an amateur sleuth, they should probably do some actual sleuthing. Our main character, Carrie, spends the book like this: 
Describes outfit. - Goes to event. - Gives weirdly detailed description of food and what everyone eats. - Talks. - Goes home. - Goes to work. - Gives list of each work activity in stupid detail. - Goes home. - Gives weirdly detailed description of food and what everyone eats. - Talks. - Describes outfit. - Gives weirdly detailed description of food and what everyone eats. - Gives list of each work activity in stupid detail.

She only snoops once in the entire book and at the time it kind of makes zero sense why she would choose that moment, except the author wanted to wrap the book up. She does very little actual investigating or trying to coyly pry information out of the police. (Also goes under 'focusing on the wrong things.')

4.)  Is that a tack (on)?
The cat. The cat appears randomly about 3/4 of the way through the book and has zero impact on the plot and then after a handful of pages, is never mentioned again. Tacked on, anyone?

5.) Focusing on the wrong things.
Halloween/New England.  On the first page, we get the description of chilly wind and crisp October leaves. Later, we are treated to the details of planning a Halloween party for the library. And that is pretty much it for atmosphere. Now, not all books require a strong sense of atmosphere & location, but people reading cozy mysteries generally expect it. And if it takes place around/during a holiday, it BETTER have atmosphere coming out of those pages! However, Brook is far more concerned with detailing what people order for lunch and how much library parties cost than creating mood or atmosphere. BOO! HISS!

6.) Lazy writing (Characters of Convenience).
Then we come to The Ghost. 
The ghost is just this random exposition dump, basically. Like, she serves no real purpose other than to point the heroine in the right direction, because she's too busy being worried about her not-goth wardrobe to actually investigate. 
And the ghost just appears. It's not spooky or fun or a slow reveal or even a mystery. 
Chapter one, the ghost, Evelyn, just appears and is like "I knew you had a gift but I waited until you were going to stick around until I revealed myself. So don't freak out when I tell you I'm a ghost." 
(I'm paraphrasing, but that's pretty damn close to the actual conversation.)  And then our ghost friend just occasionally hangs out with the main character. They chat, Ghosty tells Carrie information about other characters. Shrug. She's literally just another character, except she only interacts with Carrie. 
LAME SAUCE.

7.) Name/age/occupation.
The author is creating a series based on this character and town, which is fine. But she is so eager to introduce the reader to EVERYONE IN TOWN that the characters are mostly known by name and occupation and are often difficult to keep track of. 

8.) No hills on this hike:
And lastly, Carrie is coddled and/or adored by just about everyone in the book. She has no struggles. Our heroine needs her own place to stay? How about a guy who is a notorious hard-ass gives her a $400+ monthly discount on monthly rent to let her move into his fully furnished cabin on several acres and a quiet river? And since she's so great, she doesn't have to pay first month's rent, either. 
And then he promptly takes off a day later and from then on she's like "he's so dreamy, we have such a great connection, what's between us is undeniable, does he like me, too?" (Guess what? He DOES, because OF COURSE HE DOES.)  

Even the few 'conflicts' she has with a co-worker at the library are minor and solved within pages with no fall-out and by the end of the book, even her 'enemies' have come around to see how great she is.
So, to sum up: 

G R O A N.

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