Saturday, July 21

A Little Bit of Stupid and A Lot of Awesome

So Shawn and I went to the beach on Wednesday.
And we had a blast.  It was fun, romantic, peaceful - it was like an entire vacation in a day.

I managed to get sun poisoning.  Yay!  It's not too bad; it could be a lot worse.  I was only nauseous for the first night and as days pass, I feel less and less like my skin is being seared with the bottom of a hot frying pan.  Oh, my skin still feels hot, but at least I don't have the chills anymore.  I was lucky to only get one blister (one is enough) - but it is on the back of my knee.  Yeow.  Yes, yes it does hurt like a mofo, thank you.

The funny part is that I'm very preachy about using sunscreen.  Re-usable bags, not wasting water, and frickin' sunscreen are like, my three top preachy things.  And except for my legs, I USED sunscreen - everywhere.  And yet, here I am, three days later, still the color of a tomato, still feeling raw and tender.  (Not as bad, but still pretty painful.)  I blame this on the fact that we were out during peak hours - from 11 to 3.  D'oh!
Anyhoo . . .

We've been treating this with a rigorous routine of aloe, fluids, tepid showers, Tylenol, and nudity. That's right.  I'm coming out and admitting it: I haven't put clothes on since Wednesday night. (Honestly, you wouldn't either if your skin looked and felt like someone rubbed a hot chili pepper all over you. . .and I'm not talking about Anthony Kiedis.)  The vast majority of my time is spent in bed right now, because the sheets are cool and smooth.  So I've been wasting a lot of time laying around watching movies on the computer.  I'm not proud of it, but right now it's just me and Shawn and I have the luxury of not putting clothes on.  So there.

So that's the stupid part.  I should have applied a shit-ton more sunscreen and should've paid attention to my legs.

Now the awesome part:
And that would be Shawn.
Honestly, the man is a Godsend.  Seriously.
He brought home microwave dinners because he knows how sore I am and I don't want to cook (or leave the house for take-out or anything.)
He felt so bad the first night that he brought home a little chocolate treat.  Love.
When I told him I'd get around to putting away the clean laundry I'd washed when I was a little less sore (seriously, this bitch hurts so much...all movement hurts....) he told me not to worry about it.
He told me absolutely NOT to do the dishes and just rest and relax.
Last night, he decided to sleep on the couch because he said I seemed to finally be sleeping comfortably and he didn't want to disturb me.
Finally, Shawn has been looking forward to seeing The Dark Knight Rises for YEARS.  His plan has been, from the word go, to see it on opening day.  But because I'm so uncomfortable right now and every fabric I touch causes so much friction, he decided to wait a few days until the angry red monster that is my epidermis is calmed down and I'll be able to be with him in the theater - comfortably.
Honestly, let me say this.  next time I'm going to load up on sunscreen, but for this time, I'm so glad this man is in my life.

Monday, July 9

Annoying Characters: Part 2

Continuing the countdown of characters who I find the most obnoxious and annoying...

7.) Padme Amidala ~

We first meet Padme Amidala in Phantom Menace, and in that element, she is not so bad.  And throughout the series, she has several awesome costumes.  No, my complaint with Padme is in Attack of the Clones and to a greater extent, Revenge of the Sith.  Because you know what, sweetie?  You're selfish.  You claim to love Anakin, but you put him in terrible positions.  You know he's torn between you and his Jedi-ness, but rather than say "Yeah, I love you, but it just can't happen," - you totally encourage him to be torn between two worlds.  Maybe find another guy, or at least accept that no matter how much you love this one, it's not meant to be.  No, no, can't do that...let's have a secret love, because that will totally work and won't put your man in a weird place at all.  Further, toward the end of Sith, there is a scene where Anakin goes to her and explains that he's having dark, conflicted feelings, wondering where his loyalty is, etc.  And what is her response?  Does she make it okay for him to share his confusion?  Does she offer comfort or help or ask him to explain more?  Nope.  Her response is:  "Hold me, Ani."  Yeah...because your lover just basically told you he's going to the dark side and instead of trying to offer help and support, you need to be held.  What a wonderful and not at all selfish lover you are.  Additionally: 1.) She lost the will to live?  Really?  Come on!  2.) When Obi-Wan tells you that your precious Ani has gone to the dark side, you refuse to believe - even though only a few scenes ago, he basically told you that himself!  Wake up and smell the betrayal, you dumb bitch!  3.) Finally - virtually every time she comes on screen in Episodes II and III, we go from interesting sci-fi story to....soap opera?  I'm sorry, when did this movie go from being about inter-galactic war, politics, the rise and fall of different powers and turn into "Days of Our Lives: Coruscant"?  Exactly.  Ultimately, my point with her is: if you really loved Anakin you would have either A.) Let him go, or B.) Tried to actually help him instead of whining the whole time.

6.) Ted Mosby ~
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You know what?  I watch this show in spite of this guy, not because of him.  If the entire show was about the characters Marshall and Lily, I would be delighted.  Ted is equal parts putz and dillhole.  It seems like every girl he encounters is "the one."  He seems to fall desperately in love with girls within a matter of minutes.  Robin, Stella, the Cupcake Girl...really?  Let things develop - moving really fast once is romantic - doing it with every girl you meet is stalkery.  Don't be a psycho.  And Ted? Quit fucking with your hair.  Any man who cares about his hair as much as you do is clearly a self-centered douchehound.  It's not adorable, it's obnoxious.  Finally: there are so many episodes where you are just downright annoying in every possible way.  I'd list the episodes you had your head completely up your ass during, but...that would mean listing almost the entire series.  Don't care about you, Ted.  Everyone else is awesome.

5.) Charlie Calvin ~
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This is one whiny kid.  He's mastered the art of pouting and whining and wonders why they never want to do what he wants to do.  You know why, Charlie?  Because you're stupid. Also, I get that you're all excited that your Dad is Santa Clause, but maybe don't run your mouth about it.  Did this kid not experience teasing - ever? (I find that hard to believe.)  He parades this "fact" around and all his little school buddies think it's so great - in the real world, anyone claiming their parent was Santa Claus would get a hardcore pounding until he shut-his-fucking-mouth.  Just shut up, kid.  Quit your damn whining.  The world does not actually revolve around you.  (This is what's wrong with kids today.  Too much damn entitlement and selfishness.)  I love Christmas movies of all kinds and this character completely ruins The Santa Clause.  Hi, my name is Charlie Calvin and I'm a spoiled little brat whose going to ruin this movie.  My hobbies include being stupid, trying to make my dad feel like a schmuck, pouting, and being generally whiny and ungrateful.  Finally, the ultimate creep factor comes when Charlie announces he plans to go into the family business.  The indication is that he plans to become Santa Claus himself one day.  But since that only happens if the current Santa dies...we can only assume that at the tender age of whatever, already little Charlie is planning to commit patricide.  Awesome.

4.) Robin ~
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I don't hate the character Robin entirely.  Just Joel Schumacher's whiny-bitch version of him.  Seriously - don't blame Arnold for ruining Batman and Robin - sure his sense of humor was groan worthy and lame - but at least he had one.  Robin spends the entire length of this film whining like a petulant twelve-year-old-boy.  It's no wonder Batman doesn't want to work with Robin - he's an asshat of the highest order.  Now, neither Batman Forever or Batman and Robin are particularly great movies, but Robin was the icing on the annoying cake.  In both films, Robin's entire dialogue is pretty much: wah-wah-wah-wah. 
Fun fact: there is a scene in Batman and Robin where our heroes are discussing Poison Ivy and Batman says: "She wants to kill you, Dick."  Until Shawn explained to me that he said that because the first Robin's real name was Dick Grayson, I totally thought he was calling Robin a dick.  Which makes a lot of sense, I think.

3.) Sarah ~
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So, "Sarah" is a girl of about 16 years who acts like she's 5.  And I'm not just talking about her running around playing dress-up.  I'm referring to her mentality.  Because really...fifteen, sixteen years...early high school. . . . This girl had more dolls at that age than I had ever in my entire life and she throws a fit over even one.  She is spoiled, self-centered (yes, I'm aware that most teenagers are - also doesn't make them endearing) and whiny.  Why doesn't she want to babysit her little brother?  Not so she can go to the lake with friends (she probably doesn't have any) -  because it will interrupt her very important playing with her dolls time.
Getting lost in a good fantasy?  Awesome.  Being outside?  Even better.  Having an active imagination?  Great.  Running around dressed up pretending to be a princess when maybe you should be thinking about say, exams, getting a license, going to a concert, doing some sort of extracurricular activity....psycho.  Grow the fuck up and quit being a poster child for "brat."

2.) Anakin Skywalker ~

I love Star Wars and Darth Vader is one of my most favorite characters ever of all time.  That said - damn you, George Lucas!  (I also hold him totally responsible for the fact that 3 of my top fifteen are from this series.)  Darth Vader is one of the most bad ass villains of all time, he's feared throughout several galaxies and THIS is what you give us as his back story?  I understand wanting to make someone conflicted, I understand he wasn't always a bad guy - but Oh. My. God.  My cat is more of a man than this whiny, crying little bitch - and she's afraid of the clattering of dishes. My God.  Note to Anakin: grow-the-hell-up.  Man-up.  Stop being so naive.  And finally...going to the dark side in order to save Padme and her unborn child....hmmm...sounds good in theory - shitty execution, George.  Because I'm pretty sure that's the last thing on Coruscant that Padme would want would for her loved one to turn into a vicious killer - you know - for her benefit.
Final note: once he finally pledges his allegiance to Palpatine, then he becomes cool.  And when the eyes turn yellow - finally some awesomeness.


Now, I considered putting Tinkerbell very high on this list, but since we all know how I feel about that, I thought it would be redundant to add her.  So, the moment we've all been waiting for...the single most annoying character - ever.


1.) Dawn Summers ~
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Oh Joss Whedon.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of the greatest shows ever.  Except for this little nugget of pukability.  Beginning in season five, we are introduced to Buffy's younger sister, Dawn, who had never previously existed.  They explain it, but it's...well, it's "eh."  Season five and six are each 22 episodes of: Dawn is selfish and whiny and screws things up for everyone around her and then complains that no one wants her around.  Well, hard to say why.  Seriously, I love the show Buffy and I even enjoy seasons 5 through 7.  But Dawn Summers - worst character ever.  She makes the above characters look positively noble.  I can't even talk about it.  She's like Voldemort (except for the fact that Voldemort is about ten thousand times more awesome).  She is the character of which we do not speak.  Seasons 5 and 6 in particular...give 'em a look see - pick any episode.  I guarantee you Dawn will do something selfish, stupid, and whiny and in general make life miserable for everyone around her - especially those watching the show.  Curse you, Dawn Summers.  Curse you.

Saturday, July 7

List: Annoying Characters: Part I

I love a good character.  Whether in a book, a movie, or on TV, the primary thing you must have is characterization.  Without good characters, all is lost.  (That Twilight shit and its popularity in spite of awful characters is the exception, not the rule - I'm not going to accept the critical opinions of millions of 12-year-old girls in the same way I'm not going to embrace their music taste.)
Friends, LOST, Harry Potter - just a tiny sampling of things that we cared and still care about because of the amazing characters.  On the flip side, would anyone care if "Flo" from those Progressive commercials just dropped off the face of the earth?  No, no they would not.  That's because whether it be for several hours or thirty seconds that seem like several hours, an annoying character is enough to bring down anything.

Normally, I don't qualify my lists, but this one I had to, as some characters definitely get on my nerves more than others.


Whether you deal with the adult or the "baby Daisy" version, this bitch has it in for you.  First of all, she is a freaking Princess Peach clone, I don't care what anyone says.  Secondly, I assumed she was straight-up Luigi's lady, since he did as much as Mario (and sometimes more in the "Super Mario Bros. Wii") to rescue Peach, but was never given any kind of animated kisses or cupcakes for all of his hard work.  No, if Princess Daisy and Luigi had a facebook relationship, their status would say "it's complicated."  Why?  Because apparently she also has the affections of WaLuigi and it's said that Mario has a crush on her as well.  
     Additionally, if you have ever played a game where she appears as a competitor, she will rip your shit up.  Baby Daisy in Mario Kart Wii is a frequent thorn in my side and as a player in Super Mario Super Sluggers, she (along with Peach) is easily the best character in the game.  Nice to have women "being strong" (if you want to call it that) by being the best players on the team, but then again, it's not hard to be awesome when this guy is your competition.  Also? This is what she wears to play baseball?  No. Try some capris or some knee pads, or maybe an entire shirt.

I absolutely love pretty much the entire Scooby-Doo franchise.  Love. It.  And yet - this stupid, tiny, weird-voiced little shit of a dog is the worst thing to ever happen to Scooby-Doo.  I remember being super excited whenever the show was coming on and the immediate let-down and anger on the occasions it turned out to be another Scrappy-Doo episode.  It only took a couple times before I decided that no version of the Scooby universe was worth suffering through that character.

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Oh my God this chick is annoying.  And yes, she is the very definition of "chick."  She whines, she moans, she's materialistic, she's shrill.  This character gives women a bad name and adds a certain auditory torture to Temple of Doom.  Would I scream and cry and wince if I got covered in bugs and snakes and spiders and shit?  Hell yes!  Would I be as obnoxious as her?  No.  No one is.

I don't actually hate Pooh, he just drives me really fucking crazy.  I will let my children watch his movies all the while rolling my eyes.  Why does a character as sweet and innocent as Winnie the Pooh annoy me?  Hmm..."Think, think, think."--Because he's a fucking moron, that's why!  Oh my God!  Even as a small child, this dude frustrated me.  There is a well-known scene where Pooh covers himself in mud to disguise himself as a rain cloud (makes total sense) so he can steal honey from the bees high in the tree.  I actually remember complaining about the implausibility and stupidity of this scene to my mom while she made my macaroni & cheese for lunch.  (Yes, I'm sure my mother sighed a lot when I was young.)  There were plenty of rounds of "Are you kidding me, you stupid bear!" shot at the TV in my childhood and I never outgrew my frustration.  
Finally, the Pooh world loves to do little plays-on-words, like in Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day, when they go around wishing everyone a happy "Winds-day."  For a little girl who was hard of hearing and animated characters whose lips couldn't be read and no closed captioning - many of the story lines made even less sense as I heard them than they already did.  

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Yeah, yeah, get your outrage over with.  I found the character annoying and when he went through the veil, my exact first thought upon reading that was: thank God.  I know he was cooped up in Azkaban, I know he had depression from his best buddy being murdered and then being framed for said murder.  I know he was cooped up and sad and hated being back at his childhood home and he clearly had issues.  What I also know is: the risks and danger that Sirius was so eager to expose Harry that really what James Potter would've wanted?  Um....  Had Neville been the chosen one and James was alive at the time Order of the Phoenix came around, would he have been like: "You know what my only son?  It is absolutely a good idea for you to be on the front lines of this war, because I would love for you to be in constant danger of getting tortured into insanity.  Good idea, Sirius!" Being Godfather doesn't mean be best buds.  It means: surrogate father - looking out for what's best for the child.  Honestly, Lupin did a better job of that.  Sirius was just all selfish and pouty and giving huge guilt to Harry (because you know - he didn't have enough to deal with) for not being reckless, expelled, and a reincarnation of his best friend.  Lupin or Arthur Weasley were better father figures.  Sirius mostly just had his head up his ass.

And...surprising exactly no one is this walking turd.  But my reasons for being annoyed by this character are probably not what you think.  Okay, he was annoying and klutzy and stupid.  But what really did it for me is the way he speaks.  When I watch movies at home, I have the benefit of subtitles to tell me what mindless diarrhea is coming out of this dude's mouth.  But when I spent  about eight bucks on the ticket alone at the theater, I'd like to at least be able to understand what the damn characters are saying.  I was only able to understand about 1 in every 5 words he spoke and there were entire chunks of dialogue that I couldn't make out because of his nonsensical language and the inability to read the facial monstrosity that are his lips.  So: do I hate Jar Jar Binks for being an obnoxious asshole?  Nope.  I hate him for ruining the theater-going of Phantom Menace for me.

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First, if you check out the link on their names, it will take you to the imdb trailer for this movie.  If you're not familiar with the plot of 28 Weeks Later, check it out.  All set?  Now that we're all on the same page, let's make one thing clear: this entire clusterfuck could have been avoided if these kids hadn't been self-righteous shitheads.  I get it kids: you're hormonal, your country was taken over by "the infected," Dad's just so uncool and doesn't understand your angsty-angst and you miss your mom.  They treat their dad like he's the biggest dipshit failure on earth (which okay, he kinda is) and constantly ask: where's mom?  What happened to mom?  You know what kids?  The entire country of England was taken over by zombies...Mom's not around, and Dad's trying extra-hard to act like everything's okay even though he clearly doesn't want to talk about it....if you're such brilliant little know-it-alls, maybe you should have figured out that Mommy. Is. Gone.  But no.  Wah.  They want to go home.  They press and press until they get what they want and then decide they need to LEAVE THE FUCKING QUARANTINE ZONE! to get a couple photos of their mother.  
Really?  Just be tortured youth like everyone else, okay? 
They were told while entering the nice, safe, quarantined zone that the areas surrounding this nice, safe, quarantined zone are NOT YET cleared for safety, and even within the safe "District 1", there are massive security measures in place.  It's like a medical test extravaganza in there, and the place is overrun with military staff.  But yeah, you're like, 12 and know better than all these adults, with their military experience and "knowledge."  You should totally sneak out of the quarantine zone into the NOT SAFE ZONE because you can totally get out, do your stupid angsty tween bullshit and get back in and no one will ever even notice you were gone because you are brilliant and awesome.  As for the risking your own lives and the lives of everyone trying to rebuild your country - well... you know you want those worth it!
So they sneak out, and - duh! - military snipers are all over the place watching...waiting...just waiting for some infected bastard to try to sneak in and what do they see?  These two little shits sneaking out - so yeah...they send a bunch of military personnel after these kids, find them at their old home, and lo and behold, come across their mother who is mysteriously alive...yet not coherent and not looking so good with the bite marks. Hmm.  Because of this, Mommy Dearest is taken back to a research lab deep inside the safe zone where shit naturally goes down because everyone in this family is a selfish fucking idiot.
*Note: I like this movie a lot - I just really hate those kids.

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This is a character from Melrose 2.0, which Shawn & I watched a few episodes of before giving up.  I know people might think "oh, she's evil?  That's the point, it's a night soap."  No, it's exactly opposite of the point.  She was supposed to be the sweet, sexy, "likable" one.  So what's her story?  It goes like this: She has been with "Jonah" (apparently the world's most talented, adorable and loving man) for 5 years.  They have been living together for a few of those.  She's an elementary-school art teacher and goes for runs every morning.  And...when Jonah proposes, she waffles over it for a while before eventually saying yes, in spite of the fact that this entire time she has said she wants nothing more than to be with Jonah for ever and ever.  Also, she's very suspicious of her friend "Ella" who evidently worships Jonah (because he's such a great guy!) by telling him this over and over again in stilted dialogue.  Also?  She and her running buddy "Auggie" want each other and she spends more and more time with him as things get worse with Jonah (all while he tries so hard to gain her approval!).  Finally, after much game playing, they get engaged and break it off because she wants to be with him, but not married to him...she thinks?  Maybe?
In a side story, Ella's superstar fashion designer client (she's in PR or something) just randomly sees Riley and decides on a whim that this must! be! his! new! jeans! model!  And she plays coy for about five seconds before agreeing to do it (because they need the money for the wedding) and she ends up being topless in the ad, gets fired from her teaching job because the school board didn't take kindly to seeing her ta-tas on display and finding out that she skived off work to do the modeling job in question.  Riley then proceeds to place all the blame for her decisions on Jonah, citing that it was his fault she did topless modeling and got fired - 'cuz you know, they needed the money for the wedding, and that's his fault.  Later, she gets a job working as an artist at the PR?-advertising? firm - where Jonah and Ella work and she's all pissed off when Jonah doesn't want to praise her mediocre work with kisses and cuddles (literally - kisses and cuddles).  And ALL this time...she's still got a bit of a thing with Auggie, the morning running partner.
I'm offended if this is supposed to be the "likable" character - because that's truly what they intended...she was supposed to be basically innocent, unsure of what she wanted out of life but full of potential...blah, blah, blah.  
Characters like this are why some men think that all women do is play games and why some women think it's totally appropriate to play games.  Seriously - likable?  I mean...even Bellatrix Lestrange knew how to make up her damn mind and that right there makes her a more sympathetic character.  I'm officially offended on behalf of women everywhere.

Stay tuned for numbers 7 - 1...coming soon.  

(Images from Wikipedia unless noted)

Tuesday, July 3

Beach Walk

Shawn and I love the humble city we call home and just one of the perks is being directly on the shores of Lake Michigan.  Here's some of our pics from a recent beach walk.

For those who don't have much experience with the Great Lakes: Shawn looks a bit chilly because even though it was a so hot day, this was early evening and it's not just windy on the lakes, it's a chilly wind.