Monday, December 17

If Home Alone Was Made Now

Recently Shawn and I watched Home Alone and while it's still a modern holiday classic (yes, I'm aware of the oxymoron of "modern classic" - but what else are you going to call it?) - the dated-ness of this film is really showing more and more every year.
For instance: Kevin watches the VHS of "Angels With Filthy Souls" rather than a dvd or blue ray, and when he turns on the television first thing in the morning, he isn't bombarded with reality television or horrifying news stories.  At the end of the movie, a beautiful snow is falling on Christmas morning. In Chicago, in 2012, Christmas morning is more likely to be a dreary, bleak 34 degree day with fog and freezing rain rather than snow if the weather patterns stay true to the last handful of years. There are actually a million little changes that add up to making an entirely different film, but let's look at it if the movie was the same, just a little more "current."

Kevin: "Pack my suitcase?!  I'd better go find a youtube tutorial on that."

Buzz:  "Check it out.  I googled the South Bend Shovel Slayer and he was a man in his late sixties.  I'll bet it was Old Man Marley."

Kevin: "But you know about Fuller! He wets the bed.  He'll pee all over me."
Mom: "Don't be ridiculous.  You know he has plenty of Goodnites."

"Peter!  A plot device has made it so that every iPhone in the house has a dead battery so our alarms didn't go off!"

Uncle Frank:  "There is no way we're going to get from the suburbs to O'Hare in 45 minutes."

Every airline employee: "Are you people insane? It says right there on your information to be here at least two hours before the flight to go through security.  How did you even make it to O'Hare from the suburbs in 45 minutes in Chicago traffic? Yes, of course the plane left ages ago and you'll have to take a different flight, you obnoxious, entitled morons."

Alas, they finally discover that in all their haste, they managed to forget Kevin.  Uncle Frank has words of comfort:
"If it helps, I forgot my Kindle."

This scene is replaced with ten people standing around texting their neighbors back home.

Meanwhile, back in Chicago . . . 

Hmm.  Haven't I seen these guys on "World's Dumbest Criminals?"

"That'll be $35.27.  Debit or Credit?  Do you have a market rewards card? Do you want to sign up for one to save 2% on select purchases?"

Kate McCallister rushes home, terrified of what might've happened to her son, because he's not answering any of her Skype calls!
"What do you mean you have no WiFi?  Where the hell am I?"


Old Man Marley: "You should know that I went on the world wide web and used the google.  The South Bend Shovel Slayer was actually caught four years ago, so clearly I'm not him, okay?"

This scene stays exactly the same.  Because spiders.

Grr.  Just you wait, kid. When I write my tell-all book from prison, you're not going to look so hot, are ya? And when I get my own reality show, you're really going to be jealous!

 - All screen stills were taken by me from my own copy of this movie.-


  1. ha! Becky this is hilarious!!! I adore this movie. :)

    1. Thank you, Trish! LOL I love it, too.

  2. hello! I nominted you for aliebster award on my blog! check it out! I'm also following you. :) love your holiday-inspired posts lately!! :D

    1. Well thank you for the lovely comments on my holiday posts and for the nom. :) I really enjoy reading your blog, too! :)


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