Just What the Doctor Ordered

A couple nights ago I was hanging out with a few friends from work which turned into an impromptu drink fest.  Later, when Shawn finished working, he joined us (which inevitably led the guys of the group to talk sports...ugh...football).

Truthfully, I don't have a ragin' social life because I'm not gregarious by nature and I'm certainly not a party girl by nature.  I can fake it, sometimes, if I have to, but not always.  I'm shy, awkward and nervous at heart.  I know for the hipsters of the world it's cool to say "I'm socially awkward" but I actually am.  And I have been as far back as I can remember, from my first time riding the bus on the first day of kindergarten.  Some people may think being socially awkward is 'awesome.'  It's not.  So not.  You think being socially awkward is hip?  Try it when you're in elementary school, fucktard hipsters.

Even my stepmom's family members refer to me as "the quiet one," and it's true.

Looking back, I see examples where I may have inadvertently ousted myself from certain social situations because I didn't know any better.  A group of people hanging out after work, chatting it up and I'm waiting for my ride.  They're all playing, goofing off, cracking jokes.  I'm reading a book.  Loser.  Someone jokes "Becky thinks she's too good for us."  I want to scream "No!  That's not it at all!"  The truth is I just don't know what to say a lot of the time.  I have never been the look-at-me! girl.  And right now, that's cool in some circles.  And when it's not cool?  You find you're still just the girl sitting in a bar, squinting to read a book, sipping on your cranberry juice and listening to the band, feeling like an idiot and a loser and wishing you had the gumption to step up and be noticed. Dude, I don't care what hipsters say: being a dork is NOT hip, it is my life.  When this trend eventually fades, I'll still be reading books at inappropriate times, like family reunions and while waiting for a concert to begin.

That's why I had so much fun the other night.  First of all, I had forgotten how affectionate and easy-going vodka can make a girl.  Ah.  Relaxation washes over me, I feel open and easy and all is fine.  I like that.  I like being able to kick back and have a few with people who are fun to be with not because they are drinking and not because I am drinking, but because we also enjoy each other's company when sober.  (Because why would I shed my outer protective layers and open up with people who don't even like those outer layers?  Exactly.)  So it was nice.  You'd think, having so much fun, I'd get drunk more often.  Yeah, I thought of that, too.  But those morning headaches are a bitch and let's be honest - hard to read a book when you can't actually walk straight, and I love me some books.

So here's to the girls (and the guys) who often have no idea what the fuck they're doing, the ones whose quietness is mistaken for snobbery, the ones who really ARE awkward and dorky and not just acting a part because it's trendy.  Here's to the girls who never danced on a table and the guys who don't talk big - all the ones who usually get passed over and ignored.
Here's to us.
Cheers.


Generation Gap

I needed a new discman. (I shouldn't have to include a link to explain the definition of discman, but apparently that's now become necessary for some.)  I had a Target gift card from Christmas and figured I would put it to good use and get the new player with that.  Yay, me.
So I'm browsing in electronics when a kid who, for all intent and purpose, is still in puberty - says to me "Are you finding everything okay, Ma'am?"

'Ma'am?'
'MA'AM?'
'MA'AM?'
Oh hell, no.  I am not a "ma'am."  When I pop out a few kids, that's right you better be calling me "Ma'am," but until then, if you need to address me, you can do so as "Miss," as in, "Can I help you, Miss?"
Got it?
(There are a few times when it's appropriate to address a woman as "ma'am."  For instance, is she shopping with multiple children and isn't a teen mom?  Go ahead.  Is she with her husband?  Is she with her adult children and/or grandchildren?  Carry on!  But basically, the rule is this: a woman by herself - err on the side of caution and just address her as "Miss.")
And of course he said it in one of those voices.  You know the voice - the voice you use when you take pity on someone elderly who clearly has no idea what the hell is going on.
I AM NOT THE ELDERLY!!!
I'm only 31 for crying out loud.

But oh...it gets better.

So I said to the kid (who was probably 16 or 17 and therefore to him I am the Crypt Keeper, except he's too young to know who the Crypt Keeper is....) "I just need to get a new discman."
Enter the furrowed brow and puzzled look.
"Um, what is that?"
......Blank stare......
"Is that like a walking cd player?"
Oh Lord.
"Yes, that's exactly it."
"Oh, good.  Yeah.  I think we might have one of those over here....."

So after I grabbed my clunker from the stone age when music still had to be played on a disc (what is this inew ifangled iwitchery everyone keeps talking about?  It'll never catch on, I tell ya!) and dragged my ancient ass out of there to apparently go draw on the walls of my cave.

Yes, there comes a time when you realize that society considers you old.  Well, I've definitely hit the mark.  Ladies and gentlemen, apparently I am now officially O.L.D.

Yup, Another List - Favorite Villains

BEST VILLAINS:

Again, no real order and if you don't agree, make your own list.
Here they are:

1.) Darth Vader:

I love the badass Lord Vader.  Not that whiney pissant Anakin from Episode II & III.  Oy.

2.) Bellatrix Lestrange:

Bitch be crazy.  She's awesomely evil.

3.) The Joker:
source












Oh, he's totally fucking nuts.


4.) Michael Myers:
Michaelmyers2007.JPG
No one has better theme music.  A total nutcase with one mission: Kill Lori Strode and everyone who happens to cross his path in the meantime.

5.) The Gremlins:
They're wicked, they're murderous, they have a sense of fun.
 < I found this pic of a toy here.>

6.) Wicked Witch of the West:










Even as a kid, I always thought she was way cooler than puffed-up pink freak, Glinda.  More interesting, for sure.

7.) Chucky:












One evil little fucker who beared a creepy resemblance to the My Buddy dolls that were popular during the same time period.  This movie still scares me.

8.) Voldemort:
Lordvoldemort.jpg
Dude, do I have to explain it?

9.) Anton Chigurh:
Seriously?  He was the reason to watch the movie and if you're not afraid of that maniac, what the fuck are you afraid of?

10.) Spike & Drusilla: 









He's a bad-boy, she's a total nutjob.  Together they're great, alone, each is awesome in their own right.

11.) Dr. Evil:
Drevil million dollars.jpg
Yes, he's inept.  But let's all be honest here: no one watches Austin Powers for Austin Powers, do they?  No.

12.) The Borg: 
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Let me say one thing about these fucks - NO ONE is scarier than The Collective.  NO ONE.



~All pics are from wikipedia unless otherwise noted.  

Best Characters

I'm totally in list mode right now, so we have a list of some of my favorite characters of all-time.  Again, no particular order, because it's just too hard to qualify them to that extent.

1.) Severus Snape~
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I love him.  I. Love. Him.  As Alan Rickman put it after learning he'd won the Harry Potter World Cup, [a vote for Snape is a vote for love].  It's true. 

2.) Monica Geller~
image source










I love this character.  She is a (former) fat girl and the character refects that well.  I speak from experience that with weight loss comes neurosis and Monica Gellar is the very embodiment of the obsessive, neurotic behavior that result from being a former fat girl.  I love her humor, her humanity, her crazy.  She is one of my poster children for "Quirky Brunettes Unite!"

3.) Spike - a.k.a. William the Bloody~
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As a villain, he's hilarious and brought new life to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Even at the nadir of his character's life, he still maintains a fiery sense of humor and -- let's be honest here -- he's sex on legs and that doesn't hurt.  But the character is immensely complex and delightful and a breath of fresh air.

4.) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

Ah, the perfect blend of book-nerd and sex appeal.  I love how he can be a whiney goob and still super sexy.  He is a pot of contradictions and I much enjoy that.

5.) Gollum

How can you not love him?  Obsessive, crazy, insane, wicked-intelligent, schizophrenic.  Be honest: he's your favorite, too.  In the book "The Hobbit," his decidedly twisted and creepy scenes were my absolute favorite.

6.) Calvin
Calvin and Hobbes Original.png
If you don't love him, you don't have a sense of humor.  I do have a fear that if I ever have a son, he will turn out to be Calvin-esque.

7.) Hugo "Hurley" Reyes
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He had some of the best lines on the show, he had insecurities (most) everyone can relate to, he was a little bit of a nutjob, he was a teddy bear.  He was sweet.  He made being LOST a little more fun with all the insanity happening around him.

8.) Hermione Granger
source










She's a geek, she's a bookworm, she (mostly) follows the rules and she's careful and believes in order - and she ROCKS!  Finally!

9.) Dobby

He was rather annoying at first, but later we started to like him and finally, fell in love with the spunky little house-elf.  He moved me, made me laugh, reminded me there is honor in subservience, and when his story came to an end I didn't just cry, I sobbed.

- That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there will be more later.  If there's someone on the list you're not familiar with, go to Wikipedia and look 'em up.




~ All pics from wikipedia, unless noted.

Movies That Rock!

So I can't just tell people what's terrible.  I've gotta pass on some good stuff, too.  So here we go, once again, in no particular order:

1.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind












Fucking brilliant.  I love this movie.  Everyone has been there - wanting to forget - and the whole story....it just gets. you. right. here.


2.) Adaptation












Now THIS is a mind-bender.  Just when you think you've got it figured out, another curve ball.  I love the beginning, I love the end, the full-circle effect.  It is beautiful, confusing and wonderful.  And for those of us who are (more than a little bit?) neurotic, I love the relatability of Nicolas Cage as writer Charlie Kaufman.

3.) Legally Blonde












It's so funny and truth be told - weirdly inspirational.  Every time I watch this movie I feel inspired like I can do anything I want in spite of not having Reese Witherspoon's body or that gorgeous hair or disposable income and a BMW, etc.  The point is it just makes you feel so good.


4.) Along Came Polly












Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller at their best.  I love this movie.  Makes me laugh out loud and is also so sweet.  You can't watch this movie and NOT smile.  As an aside, this is the first movie Shawn and I watched together.


5.) Stranger Than Fiction












This is my absolute favorite movie.  It is beautiful, funny, and moving.  Dustin Hoffman is in top form, the writing is exceptional and the story is so unique and creative.  I love everything about it.  Maggie Gyllenhaal rocks.  If I ever write something this clever, I will consider my life's mission accomplished.  If you haven't seen it - watch it. 


6.) Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo












From the raunchy files comes this comedy that cracks me up every single time I watch it.  It's so low-brow.  T.J. is the best.  Watch it when you need to laugh after a shitty day.


7.) Sling Blade












This is a powerful movie.  Billy Bob Thornton proves his mettle and demonstrates his Oscar- winning abilities on more than one platform.  It's not something you're going to sit and watch again and again, but it's so worth it to watch.


8.) Cool Hand Luke












A classic for a reason.  I was turned onto this movie in a high school literature class where we dissected the deeper meanings behind various elements.  It's one of the very few times in life that dissection has allowed me to enjoy something more instead of less.

9.) The Wedding Singer












It's sweet, it's cute, it's funny, it's retro-fun.  Ah, the 80's.


10.) Halloween












The single best Halloween movie ever made.  Not just a horror classic, an all-around classic.  A must-see.  Best horror theme music ever and still scary after a zillion viewings.


11.) Scream












It set a new standard and a new precedence of making fun of its own genre.  So much fun and plenty of scares.  Current and enjoyable every time.


12.) Love Actually












A holiday movie that can be watched any time of year, a supremely enjoyable film and I challenge everyone who sees it - you will relate to SOMEONE in this movie, if not multiple characters.  My favorite plot lines are the Colin Firth and Hugh Grant stories.  Give it a look-see.


13.) Die Hard












'Yippe-kay-yay, motherfucker.'  Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber.  Enough said.


14.) Spaceballs












What can I say?  It's funny as shit.


15.) (500) Days of Summer












Clever, unusual, current.  The writing is awesome, it's a good story and has excellent visuals.  If you haven't seen it, watch it.


All images from imdb.com

Movies that Su-uh-uck

Obviously I could make a list of crap movies a thousand miles long, but the ones on this list come to mind as being so God-awful as to inspire annoyance at their mere mention, fist-clenching anger even years after I've seen them to imagine that SOMEONE thought this was a good enough production to be put into the mainstream.  Of course, not everyone is going to agree, but it's my list 'cuz it's my blog, bitches.
So here they are, in no particular order:

1.) Mr. & Mrs. Smith












Every single thing about this movie is total crap.  I hate it.  HATE it.  This entire movie is shit.  In fact, I hate this movie so much that if someone wanted to watch it, I would pay NOT to see it.

2.) Knight and Day












Can you say sucktastic?  I normally enjoy Cameron Diaz, so I have to wonder what the hell she was thinking when she accepted this role.  I'm not even going to go into what passes for a "plot."

3.) Stan Helsing












Wow.  What's sad is that this movie had the chance to be funny - the premise is ripe enough for it.  And then it just gets worse - and worse - and worse - until you find yourself wishing you were having your eardrums stabbed out.

4.) The Hangover












OVER-RATED.  Seriously, so over-rated.  There's about five minutes of funny in this entire movie and the rest is douchebag heaven.

5.) House of 1000 Corpses











Let me explain something: to this day, the original "Nightmare on Elm Street" still scares the bejeezus out of me.  I screamed so loud in Grimfell Asylum people said they should pay me to go through it.  The point?  I am an easy scare.  I watched this movie ALONE.  IN THE DARK.  And I was bored.  B-O-R-E-D.

6.) The Bounty Hunter












Jennifer Aniston - what the fuck were you thinking?  Okay, one: I DO NOT FOR A SECOND find this couple dynamic believable in the film's reality.  Second - oh man, I can't even go on.  It's just a waste.

7.) The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor












Total garbage.  Even the movie's far-fetched reality world, the logic STILL doesn't make sense and the plot has more holes than a mesh tote bag.

8.) Sex and the City 2













(As side note, who the hell is impersonating Kim Cattrall on this poster, because that? - is not her.)
For the record, I love the TV series that inspired the movies.  Again for the record, the first movie wasn't great - but it wasn't so bad I quit watching it 3/4 of the way through.  This one was.  Bad timing, bad plot, bad writing, bad dialogue.  Who vacations in the Middle East anyway?  And now - in a recession - is not the time to try to exact sympathy for and relatability to people who can afford the lifestyle they are purporting in this movie.  Bad form, SITC2. 

9.) Wedding Crashers












Vince Vaughn, we get it - you think you're the shit.  I think you're not.  Either way - I. Do. Not. Care.  Again, this movie was OVER-RATED.  It's okay.  *Shrug.  So-so-so overrated.  A couple funny parts.  Nothing to write home about.  Nothing I'll ever bother to watch again.

10.) Eyes Wide Shut












It was stupid.  And then it got mildly interesting.  And then it got stupid AND pointless.  Lame.

11.) Management












Um...what the hell was this?  It's stalker-tastic and weird and not good-weird.

13.) Vanilla Sky












Once again we are struck with a movie that could've been good and turned into a what-the-fuck-what-were-you-people-on.  It's not a mind-bender as it tries to be.  It starts off semi-interesting and at the end you're left wanting your life back and with extreme prejudice against Tom Cruise.

14.) Something's Gotta Give












Such promise.  Not an actor in the bunch I don't like.  A good idea.  The plot moved along and followed solid lines - yet it lacked luster.  It was empty completely without energy or soul. 

14.) Knocked Up












This movie ran about 25 minutes too long.  And I do not appreciate the stereotyping of making all men look like immature, insensitive assholes and all women look like frigid shrews.  NOT FUNNY.



~All pics from www.imdb.com ~
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