Tuesday, February 28

Suck it, Tinkerbell

I agree with Captain Hook in every way.  Even as a small child, I enjoyed Captain Hook more than any other character and I supremely detested that flying bitch, Tinkerbell.  I didn't really get it as a kid, but I came to understanding over the years and I haven't thought much about this offensive little tale until recently when I saw a bit of Tink merchandise advertised online. So there it is.

First and foremost, Peter Pan is a freaking idiot.  The boy can't keep track of his shadow, which apparently has its own personality.  I'd say that's a case for a whole team of doctors to look into. Also, the lost boys?  Grow up. You want Wendy to be your mother?  Maybe you shouldn't have left your own mothers in the first place, insolent little shits.  "Oh yay, a place where you can go and play forever and never how to grow up or have responsibility."

Also known as regressive psychosis.
Meanwhile...the mothers of these little bastards have likely filed missing persons reports, believing their sons to be runaways, kidnap victims, or worse.  The parents are sitting by the phone, waiting for a phone call that will never come, wondering what on earth happened as they amass files and stats and badger everyone they encounter about missing children statistics and spending every waking moment searching for their lost sons.  And all the while, these are boys who have decided playing fort and war is more important than say, a warm bed, parents who love you, being able to see their dog again...I could go on forever.  The point is, it should be called "IncrediblySelfishLand" and Peter Pan as their ringleader deserves to be smacked around more than a little bit.  

Then let's get on with Peter Pan's treatment of Wendy and Tiger Lily.  
Women do not exist for your sole amusement, you little bastard, and Wendy is not your property or slave to be made to tell you stories.  Again, if you wanted a fucking story at night, maybe some of you shouldn't have left your families in the first place.  Tiger Lily is not some object to be caught as a prize.  And Wendy. You should be ashamed - ashamed! - of letting yourself be bullied and controlled by this little snot when really, you should punch him in the face for being the jerk he is.

Finally, Tinkerbell.
What is with the clothes that barely exist?  Just because you're a faerie doesn't mean your skirt can't come a little lower.  And that selfish, jealous, self-righteous little bitch prances around like she's God's gift to Neverland and owns Peter Pan. "I'm Tink and I'm angry and I can get whatever I want by pouting about it." (Brings back memories of the time a girl I worked with actually said: "I'm cute, I can do what I want.")
Well, fuck you, Tinkerbell.  
Nice characterization, nice way to tell women that their either a boring, dry shrew - Wendy - or otherwise a tramp who uses sex to get what she wants but by all means should not be taken seriously - Tink.  There is no character in this entire movie that I can get behind or enjoy or would want my (nonexistent) children to root for, save for - you guessed it - Captain Hook himself, or else maybe Nana, the dog.

Wednesday, February 15

Things You (Probably) Don't Know...

What do you do when you're not feeling the other posts you want to write but you want to put something out there?  "Borrow" a previously used post idea from someone and make it your own, have fun with it.  So here's mine, ripped from Casey.  (Thanks, Casey!)

Things You (Probably) Don't Know About Me:

~ I don't like dry wine.  (I'm not a big fan of wine in general, but I REALLY don't like dry wine.)

~ Whenever I go somewhere, I find myself considering the zombie danger factor: I have to evaluate what would most immediately be available for weaponry, what the immediate safest place would be and have a plan for expedient evacuation.

~ My all time favorite song is "Snow" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

~ I've never beaten a Mario game.

~ I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was 12.

~ I can't swim, but want to learn.

~ I am fascinated by Elizabeth I.

~ I'm extremely curious about what really did happen to the settlers at Roanoke.

~ I have had both of my carpal tunnels released.

~ I was born on the Taurus/Gemini cusp, which could apparently be summed to say that I'm stubborn, but really, I'm of two minds about that.  (So my DC Universe twin would be Two-Face?)

~ My favorite Star Trek character is Data.

~ I suck really hard at math.

~ You think I'm foul-mouthed here?  Play Mario Kart with me sometime.  I am competitive and sailor-mouthed whilst playing that game.

~ I hate tomatoes and mushrooms.

~ My favorite ice cream is butter pecan.

~ I can't roller-anything.

Well, that's all for now.  Got to go get ready for work.  I've got more posts about work in the works, but for now, enjoy getting to know me a little better.

Thursday, February 9

Happy Cat

So I'm listening to "Whatever" - which, let's be honest - is Godsmack's best song.  Maybe it got overplayed, but it's still my favorite of their work.  This reminded me of a wonderful little kitty named Happy.  So this blog is all about Happy 'Ma-Wow-Wow'.

This cat had a heart and a personality to break even the hardest heart.  Shawn and I had been given $120 to get started buying "wedding stuff."  It had been an extremely difficult summer for me - for a lot of reasons, which I won't go into now - but it was.  We had a warm, sunny, perfect summer day off together and Shawn felt it would be good for me to get some fresh air.  So we walked around, took a bus downtown and had lunch, and in general just enjoyed our tiny city.  One of our final stops was at PetSmart to look at the cats.  I love cats, see, and I think Shawn wanted to cheer me up, to warm my heart.

That's where we found Happy.  Of course, her facts sheet said the name was "Madison."  But she was so obviously not a Madison.  Written at the top of her sheet was: "Such a Good Girl."  I felt so drawn to this beautiful, unique kitty.  I tickled her paws between the bars with my fingers and she tapped my fingers playfully, and purred away like it was the best thing ever.  The AC Paw rep came over and "formally" introduced us, allowing me to hold her.  Immediately she relaxed in my arms and started purring away, drooling all over my arm.  I thought maybe I had done something wrong, until the woman explained that some cats do that when they're happy.  
Happy kitty.
So we spent $90 to adopt her, plus a small additional donation, plus a few extra accessories.  So much for the "wedding money."
She was worth every cent.

After a few days of adjustment in her home, Happy found a partner-in-crime and new best friend in Isabelle.  Together, the two of them got into far more trouble than either one could've gotten into alone.  Happy taught Isabelle how to open cupboard doors and how much fun could be had with a piece of lint on the floor.  Isabelle showed Happy that no matter how many times you crash while playing fish-bird, jump right back up and attack that bastard.  No Kitty Fear.  

The dement-o sisters making 'cat face' for the camera.

Eventually, Happy even became quite the instigator, and would do whatever she could to incite Isabelle to chase her.  Her favorite game, in fact, was to get Isabelle wound up and then act innocent and coy.  She was Isabelle's polar opposite and perfect compliment: where Isabelle was a show-boat, Happy would sit quietly and watch.  Where Isabelle is one of the most athletic cats I've ever seen, Happy was a downright klutz and often appeared intimidated by tough, scary objects like feathers and balled up pieces of paper.  She was playful, but on her own terms, and she was careful.  She was content to let Isabelle be the rock star of their duo, herself a humble fan of her best bud.

But more than anything else, Happy was, as the sheet said: "Such a good girl."  When I was crying - and I cried a lot that year - no matter what I cried over, whether it be a sad movie, a news headline, a stubbed toe or a grief attack - Happy would find me.  If my tears were silent and she was sleeping, she would still find me with her kitty radar and cuddle up to me, make biscuits on my tummy.  I know people say animals don't feel, they don't understand.  But they do.  Happy knew.

Happy had a kind, soft heart.  I know a lot of people don't believe that animals go to Heaven, but I do.  (Well, probably not bugs and stuff, but who knows?)  She was the truly the sweetest animal I have ever had the joy of knowing.

Best Buddies

Finally, a few notes about this amazing cat who blessed our lives.

  • When I put Godsmack on, she would run and hide under the bed.
  • But when I put on The Beach Boys, she would hop around the living room all excited-like with her unique little call "ma-wow-wow."
  • Her favorite thing to play with was any piece of lint she could find on the floor.
  • Normal cat toys intimidated her.
  • She loved to climb into the dryer every chance she got.
  • She was obsessed with pumpkin pulp.  When we carved jack-o-lanterns for Halloween, she ate the pulp like it was crack.
  • She was a kitty angel with a soft, kind heart and I'll never forget her.

Thursday, February 2

Day in the Life: Day Off: Volume 1

I think we can all agree: when I crawl out of bed, my hair looks good.

CD: "The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani
Time for some shower tunes to help me get up and get going.  This morning I'm going to "Wind it Up."

AM pills with iced tea, because I can't take pills with plain water or I gag.

Mailed a package to Sara in Korea.

For a very rare special treat, we went to Applebee's for a lunch/dinner combo.

A pic of the surrogate ring we bought today (with tax money) as my original wedding band doesn't fit right now.

Finished errands with grocery shopping.  Trying to eat more fruits & veggies.

Relaxing at the end of the day, Isabelle helps Daddy play Madden '11 on PS2.  (Because let's be honest: we can't currently afford to upgrade to PS3 and we can't afford to buy a new edition of "Madden" every year.)