Saturday, November 26

Sunday Confessions November 27, 2016

I confess: I have the flu. And this is now my life:

South Park sick flu coughing cough

I confess: I work with kids. (Most of the people I work with on a daily basis are in their early twenties.) And they do not get many of my references. I said something about walking around like Mr. Magoo and they had no idea. (Granted, Mr. Magoo was before my time, but at least I caught re-runs.) They also weren't aware that Garfield Holiday Specials were a thing, didn't know about the awesomeness that was Muppet Babies, and I could keep going on. It made me feel a little old but also a tiny bit smug. Like, my generation is so much awesome - er than your generation. I imagine every generation feels this way. It was pretty funny, too, because as I explained what some of these things were, they kind of looked at me like "okay Grandma, good story." But you know, not in a mean way. Playful co-worker but also you-are-a-weirdo way.

I confess: I found a Christmas movie that has the plot description "Santa has an allergic reaction to a bunch of cats that stow away on his sled" and I am definitely excited to watch it next time it comes on. (Couldn't watch it because - you know - stupid college football trumps cheesy Christmas specials.) 

Monday, November 21

Fun Pictures

I am always delighted whenever I cut open a pepper and find a little
starter pepper is happening inside of itself. Have you guys seen how awesome this is?
If not, look!
So now I am in love with finding pepper babies.

 Just a pic from our trip to the U.P.

 Mackinac Bridge (pronounced "mack-in-aw")

 Pardon my finger blur spot.

This sign made me laugh harder than it should have.

Wednesday, November 16

Sunday Confessions November 12, 2016

So get this guys. In an effort to be more on top of my blogging, I put the blogger app on my phone and THOUGHT I posted this post on time. But then apparently I didn't? So I'm still working out the kinks. D'oh!
So since it's now WEDNESDAY, I just took out the link-up button, but here are the confessions. :) 
Please enjoy, like a next-day Thanksgiving sandwich.

I confess: Guys, I am STOKED. The Schmuckersons are FINALLY on their way out. No more games, no more delay tactics. The countdown is in progress. The 19th, guys. This is as close as I can get to expressing how truly thrilled I am to see those fuckers go:

I confess: The day after the election I was really depressed. Not just because of the Presidential race but because of state, county, and city results. I was depressed by human behavior on both sides of the line, I was depressed for the future of America and humanity. So we bought Jingle All the Way and watched it while eating ice cream to take our mind off of everything for a couple hours.
PS - It worked. And I don't care how stupid Jingle is (it's really stupid) - watching Phil Hartman as a creeper is hilarious.

I make this same face when I eat pizza.

I confess: I haven't even been trying to lose weight or eat healthy. I need to, I'm not proud of it, I have no excuses. I can't be like "well, I've been on the road for 50 weeks . . . ." Nope. No excuses. Just lazy and I cave very easily to my temptations. Feel like ice cream? Yes. Let's.

Friday, November 11

Film Friday: Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse


At first, Scouts Guide sounds awesome. I mean: boy scouts using their boy scout skills to fight off a zombie outbreak? AWESOME, right?
Not so much.
Premise: Ben, Carter, and Augie are boy scouts (in high school, blech) who are on a camp out, and Carter talks Ben into bailing on their childhood friend and instead going to a senior party because . . . he's a freshman and thinks senior girls will be impressed with his penis. He thinks everyone with two X chromosomes are gagging for him.

How I feel about Carter in a nutshell: 
(and you will too, if you watch the movie)

Ben is simply:
Image result for jonny lee miller i see blah
That's pretty much all there is to Ben. He is intended to be the 
likable every-guy main hero. But he's a pile of sawdust.
(Sawdust actually more interesting.)

And Auggie & his scenes, while not hilarious, were at least:

And so, in the process of trying to get to this "epic" senior party that is just going to be the "night of their lives" (LMAO cough cough) they half-ass stumble upon a half-ass zombie not-exactly-an-apocalypse and then proceed to spend the rest of the movie being whiny bitches and NOT using boy scout skills but instead focusing on THE DESPERATE NEED TO GET TO THE PARTY -  the motivation for which being for Ben that his crush is there and for Carter that he is still planning for the (lol) getting laid. 

They maybe use a couple of their scouts skills here and there a bit throughout the movie, but it's nothing a layman couldn't do, to be honest. Sharpen a stick, tie a knot. Only as they prepare for the climatic battle scene (which has flashing lights to the point of being nauseating - look, I get it, you wanted to cover up your shitty effects and choreography, but there are less headache-inducing ways to accomplish your goal.

Ultimately the humor is crude - and not funny, silly, low brow, but Peter Griffin thinks this is genius low-brow, eye roll crude. I like a good fart joke, a good penis joke. But ugh. There is a line.
They took what is actually a clever premise, sucked out all the clever and replaced it with the lowest common denominator of what SOME consider humor. The end result is a movie that is virtually unenjoyable unless you are male and your voice is still cracking. Again, the few exceptions to this are (most) of Augie's scenes.

(Spared F by Augie)

Heads Up: Violence (fairly mild, IMO), language, nudity

Thursday, November 10

Election 2016 My HATE FREE Thoughts


I'm not going to go into a long political rant, ok?
I am writing this post because I have friends and family who voted for Trump and who voted for Clinton and at this time, BOTH are suffering the effects of the election.

And the truth is, I didn't like Trump or Clinton as a candidate.
I was Bernie, baby.

Here is a clip of Conan O'Brien's Wednesday night monologue, where he says with humor and grace one thing we seem to forget. The whole thing is only 3 minutes long, and you don't need to watch the last several seconds if you don't want. (But puppies, so why wouldn't you want to?)

Yes, I know tons of people will debate the whole "fair" with the whole electoral college vs. one person/one vote system.
Yeah, that's not my wheelhouse.
What I'm saying is that what Conan so gently and kindly puts:

We have a voting system. We are fortunate enough that we don't live in a land where we are not allowed to vote. We don't live in a land where we have to risk having acid thrown in our faces for being Christian. (And yet we in the states like to bitch about Starbucks' "war on Christianity" or it's "war on Christmas" because of a seasonal cup design.)
Those are the people you want to slap silly.

But I digress. The point is that we are number 59 in voter turnout. That is sad, America. That is terrible.

But then again: I support your right to opt out of voting. Don't agree with it AT ALL, but I support it.

So here are some thoughts aimed at conservatives, independents, liberals, loud voices, quiet voices, everyone:

  • Conservatives: People have THE RIGHT to be angry about the outcome of this election and THE RIGHT to express that anger. They have THE RIGHT to be AFRAID and the THE RIGHT to express that fear. (Also,what did you expect?) 
  • Liberals: Attacking a conservative person/voter directly just for their beliefs is NOT ACCEPTABLE AT ALL. It undermines democracy, free thinking, respecting people despite their differences, compassion for others and all things we are SUPPOSED TO STAND FOR. NO. NO. NO.  

 - I have a friend who voted Trump, and since the night of the election, she has been harassed and attacked both verbally and on social media by people she once thought were very dear friends and family. She has been genuinely hurt and stunned.
Now, I freely admit that I don't agree with her politics. We haven't seen each other in person recently, but if we were to talk politics in person, I have no doubt it would be a calm and rational "I see your point but..." discussion. This woman, while I don't agree with her, she researched her choice and voted based on what she believed was the best choice for our country. That doesn't make her a bad person, and it doesn't make her deserving of personal attack. By all means, be angry and express that anger - hell yeah express it! - but one person did not make this happen. This is a state of our society issue.

That said....

  • Conservatives: I think a lot of you voted based on your political beliefs. What you believe is best for the country, what you believe about how the government should work, etc. I think what is happening is a lot of you are blocking out the fact that A LOT of people voted for Trump for different reasons. Reasons that are fueled by hate and bigotry. To pretend that's not true is silly and naive. And when I express my own fear because I live in the middle of a red area and look around and see a lot of....let's say "less than kind" propaganda and behavior and I am accused of being afraid of, honey. I come from a family of rednecks. My background is redneck. I am not afraid of conservatives. I am afraid of the KKK thinking it's suddenly a field day. I am afraid of people thinking Trump has the right idea to make all Muslims register and wear a badge. (It seems like I've heard of that somewhere before....?) I'm not afraid of responsible, intelligent gun owners who want to defend themselves. I am afraid of gun-toting maniacs who think everyone who isn't a straight white Christian is less than. And believe me - I see it. 

  • Liberals: The truth is, Hillary wasn't going to get anything done. Not because she is a woman or because she'd be this or that, but with a Republican Senate and a Republican House - ha. They would have (literally, since it's male dominated) cock-blocked her on everything. I'm not happy about the election, but if I try to find the silver lining, MAYBE this will be a wake-up call to the DNC to take the people's choice, not the person they want who will do the DNC corporate bidding. 


I support the protesters. We have THE RIGHT to protest. And that doesn't go for just this election, it goes for Black Lives Matter and Women's Issues and LGBT and Latinos and Asians and corporate pollution and animal trophy hunting. 
I don't support looting and violence as a form of protest.
As for burning the American Flag: it saddens me greatly. It makes my heart ache. But I believe in defending the rights of people to do it when they live in a country that is not defending their rights as a human being.

The Puritans came to the new world seeking a place where they could practice their religion without the government telling them what religion to practice (the Spanish Inquisition was basically forcing everyone to be Catholic or be burned at the stake). I think that little bit gets lost in translation when history is taught. The point is this: you can be Christian, you can have Christian values, but you have to understand that America was founded on the idea of NOT HAVING THE GOVERNMENT FORCE THEIR RELIGION ON THE PEOPLE. 
Additionally, you can't legislate morals. You can vote a certain way based on your own values and beliefs, but you cannot force those onto others. That's Theocracy, not Democracy. 

I do believe this country is headed for civil war. If the world is still around 200 hundred years from now, when they make movies about it, it won't be called "The Blue and The Grey", it's going to be called "The Red and The Blue."
The thing is, there will be a mutiny. I'm not saying I think that's good. I hope not. But taking away women's reproductive rights isn't going to stop them. We're just angrier now. All of us who don't fit into the safe white box he would have us in. 

So, here it is in summary in case you didn't want to read the whole thing:

  1. We have the right to be angry and scared and to express it.
  2. You have the right to be annoyed that people are so angry and scared. 
  3. Don't attack people personally, because doing so is asshole behavior, no matter what side you're on.
  4. Conservatives: just accept that a lot of you are awesome intelligent people and a lot of you are bigoted douche bags who are likely going to be responsible for making "Idiocracy" a documentary. 
  5. There is good and bad in both sides.
  6. BOTH candidates are corrupt - don't pretend they're not, either side.
  7. Maybe this will be a wake up call to the DNC? We hope.
  8. If the next four years suck, Republicans have no one to blame but themselves.
  9. This has actually added fuel to the rage and we need to continue to fight but NOT in a violent manner, thank you.
  11. Unfortunately, I have been saying for years (ask my husband) that we are headed for another civil war and this only adds to my belief.