Wednesday, March 14

Body Shape | Le Sigh

{{{This post was inspired by/poached from this post by Heather.}}}

Well, let's start with the basics: 
I'm not going to tell you my exact measurements because while I am working on body acceptance and body positivity (for all sizes and shapes and colors and ALL) - I'd be lying if I said I was okay with my own size/weight and sharing it with the world. Maybe someday.

What I will share is that I am 5'2", for all intents and purposes. Depends how straight I stand up.
My bra size is DD and I find it hard to find a bra that fits well and is reasonably comfortable. That's all I ask for, and it's practically impossible, unless I want to spend $60+. (The answer is no.)

When I got married in 2006 and got fitted for my wedding dress, my measurements were:
Your bust is size 18.
Your waist is size 14.
Your hips are size 10.
(I am bigger/ heavier now.)

For me, there is no guesswork.
I am an:
inverted triangle/apple/ectomorph.

Some Stuff I Do Know About My Body/Appearance:

  • I have small feet. I can frequently (not always) get away with wearing kids' shoes. The shoes I wore to my wedding were from the little girls section. However, the width and depth of my feet can also make it very difficult to find good shoes.
  • I have bad posture (probably from a combination of the weight of my boobs and also years of trying to make myself as invisible as possible). It's a work in progress.
  • I was a towhead right up until 8th grade when my hair started to change. It wasn't until 10th grade that I accepted having light brown hair.
  • My eyes have that golden ring in the irises from the melanin thing.
  • My feet get cold easily, even when the rest of me is sweating.
  • I have literally ALWAYS been chubby. Pictures of me as a baby and up through toddlerhood into childhood are proof of that. 
  • My neck is very short.

Some Stuff I Have Been Told About My Body/Appearance: 
  • "That hair color doesn't suit you." - when I had purple hair in my early twenties
  • "If God meant for you to have tattoos, you'd have been born with them." 
  • "You need to tame that shit down." - About my hair.
  • "You have a really sour face." - My mouth shape is naturally down-turned.
  • "Why are your boobs so big?" - A random kid in a grocery line.
  • "There's nothing worse than a fugly fat chick."  
  • "You should wear make up more often." 
- Okay, so the above ended up being more negative (except the kid, who was honestly just curious), and I searched my mind for compliments or positives and they pretty much all ended up like...not there?
   Of course people have complimented me or said nice things before. Female friends have said things like "I think you're beautiful," and I know Shawn finds me attractive. I'm sure my parents told me I was pretty when I was young - surely they did, but I cannot recall, which is odd because I have a pretty stellar memory. *Shrug.
   (It is worth noting again that this is related only to the physical.)

 I haven't been able to identify any specifics as to what part of my shape or appearance yields the most comments. I think it depends on the group the comments come from, but it doesn't really matter because no one has more commentary on my appearance than me.

I should also note that I am trying to work on body positivity and I'm doing great - with literally everyone else. With myself, I am still stuck trying to just accept myself.
But it is hard.
Very, very, hard.


Tuesday, March 13

Sunday Confessions 3-11-18I

So get this: I wrote this and everything on Sunday around noon. It was all set to go and perfect and I go to check comments today and dur - I hadn't actually POSTED it. Oi. So enjoy, two days late:

I Confess: I've been doing a lot of writing lately. A lot of times I write fiction stuff, but lately it's been all non-fiction, Becky's life/memories stuff and it's been leaving me drained and emotional and all the feelings (but it is cathartic).

I Confess: I am SUPER glad to have gotten out of work early today, because one of the managers has had a rough couple days (as has literally everyone who works at the restaurant), and she just felt like taking it out on everyone this morning.

I Confess: I have had some very angry, bitter - downright hateful thoughts about one of my co-workers recently. Much more hatey than my normal hate.


Saturday, March 3

Sunday Confessions 3-4-18

I Confess: I fucking love "Pumped Up Kicks." 

Like, I know what it's about and especially today, I kind of feel like I shouldn't like it so much. But it gets so stuck in my head and I sing it to myself quite often at work when people are being asshats.

I Confess: I love that my computer doesn't recognize "asshat" as a word.

I Confess: So we have the Director of Operations for Applebee's coming to visit our store on the 8th, a Thursday. Oi. I am already anxious in my gut and it's so much not fun. Can we quit with the visits already? I mean, we keep failing on a bigger and bigger scale and so we get more and more visitors and also it turns perfectly normal human beings into...erm...crazy human beings, and not good crazy. Everyone is stressed out (especially the managers, understandably so). Groan.

I Confess: Remember the other computer that I left the dvd in? Well, I exchanged it and that's all fine and the new one I love and it's all good. Except that I keep accidentally doing things on it and I don't know how I did it. Working on figuring that out. It has to do with holding buttons down and it thinks I want to do that button forever and I'm like "no, no, no. Stop. Stop doing that." It's nothing serious. But yeah. I feel out of my league and kind of wish I could put dummy instructions on this computer instead of making me dig for answers. 


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