Sunday, December 14

Silly Holiday Movies

Confession: I like holiday movies. I also enjoy made-for-TV holiday movies. Although not the Hallmark kind, where there are constantly crippled bunnies and children dying and towns without Christmas because the factory closed down. (Seriously, the holidays can be depressing enough, we don't need any more help, Hallmark Channel.) So what to watch while you're wrapping presents and keep losing track of the scissors and trying to avoid getting popcorn butter fingers on the paper? Enjoy some awesomely cheesy feel-good ABC Family original holiday movies, of course! Here are a few I enjoy:

The fun story of a Brooklyn woman who is unsatisfied with her life - especially at Christmas. Will Angela discover her true perfect Christmas? (Spoiler: obviously. It's an ABC Family Original.)

* * * 

12 Dates of Christmas
Kate is still hung up on her ex and also she's kind of a bitch. Can living Christmas Eve Groundhoug Day style teach Kate anything? (Spoiler: again - it's ABC Family. Of COURSE it has a happy ending. Duh.) 

* * * 

Holiday in Handcuffs
Trudie is a constant disappointment to her parents. One day she snaps - but is she the only one going through a life crisis?  Despite the unfortunate casting choice of Mario Lopez (seriously, so many better choices could have been made!) - it is a fun little movie. It does drag a bit in the middle, but other than that, it's got some good laughs.

* * *

Christmas Cupid

(Yet another) new twist on "A Christmas Carol," Christmas Cupid follows Sloane, a girl who excels at trading up and cares only about getting ahead. So, when a client bites it, she is visited by 3 boyfriends (past, present, future) to show her that constantly putting yourself first means you just might end up alone. Yeah, it's cheesetastic. Extra cheesy. Yet still, so much ridiculous fun.

(All of these are currently available for streaming on netflix.)

Monday, December 8

Menses Survival Kit

1.) Heating pad for all my backache and cramping needs.

2.) Ice pack for the ongoing migraines and accompanying neck aches.

3.) I have come to prefer Pamprin over Midol. Both make me feel druggy, but Pamprin does a better job of actually doing its job.
(Also note: menstrual supplies are one of the few things I refuse to buy generic. I do not fuck around with that stuff. ONCE, I tried generic Pamprin to save money, and it didn't do crap.)

4.) Water. I am not a person who drinks a lot of water by nature. I don't drink much of anything by nature. I like milk. I once saw on an episode of Man vs. Wild where Bear said something about our brains need 1 Liter of water every single day just to function and technically we should have at least two Liters/day.  (It was a desert island episode, but I can't remember which one.) I can promise you that unless I am consciously thinking about it, there is no way I drink 1 Liter of water a day. Not even. All around, I believe this is a major contributor to the fact that I generally feel poorly. So I'm making an effort. I'm always making an effort. But PMS has a way of reminding me that I'm thirsty and need water.

Other needs: 
- Chocolate
- A shit-ton of sleep. I swear, I don't know why PMS is so exhausting, but for about a week, I feel like I need to sleep 23 hours/day and eat everything in sight for the other hour.
- Protein. I often crave things like bacon cheeseburgers or other red meat.
- Girly things. By that I mean - whatever the hell I am in the mood for, ok? 

Wednesday, November 26

Jon Arbuckle Can't Cook

I clipped this little piece from Garfield's Thanksgiving Special because it's my favorite part. Obviously I will be doing other things on Thursday, so I am posting this the day before.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Thursday, November 20

Not Very Sophisticated Doodles

Hope and her perpetually blank stare.

Once Shawn asked me to bring him some "Robitussin" but it sounded like "Robotussin" and I laughed like a hyena because it was hilarious to me.

When Isabelle was a kitten new to living with me, any time I went into the bathroom for any reason, my then-roommate would holler "Your cat's crying again." And so I would go let her in and if I was using the loo, she would dance around my ankles and cry until I picked her up and held her. Comforting to a six-week old kitten with a bit of separation anxiety. Slightly odd that eight and a half years later, she still considers bathroom time "cuddle time." 

Tuesday, November 11

Cats Are Weird: Drinking Shower Water

Seriously, I have no idea what possesses cats to feel the need to jump into the shower after you're done and drink the water because - eew - but they do it. 

Saturday, October 25

I am a Social Media Grump

  • I truly do not give a crap about your Keurig. I know it's supposed to be wonderful and all, but seriously, I. do. not. care. The minute I see anything on that topic or a picture of your coffee maker in my feed, I immediately click "mark as read" and move on. Because while I'm sure you're delighted with your new coffee maker, I have better things to read. 

  • For some odd reason, my bloglovin' feed is FULL of promoted bags by Coach. And my instagram promoted posts tend to be for - get this - Christian Louboutin. I understand ads and promoted posts and stuff, but really....I'm pretty sure I wouldn't buy those brands even if I COULD afford them, because they are grossly unnecessary. I'm just saying - maybe know your audience. A promoted post of interesting pen that I would look at.

  • I find I have less and less time for bullshit every day. By that, I mean people on facebook I'm only friends with because we once worked together for a few weeks - unfollow. Delete. Blogs I'm not truly interested in - unfollow. Instagram accounts that aren't that interesting - unfollow. Part of me hopes this doesn't make me a bitch and part of me is like "Dude, I am 34 fucking years old. I am going to like what I like and follow what interests me and only that."

  • On that note, I also find that I "like" a lot of things. A lot of instagram pics. And for a while I was afraid that I was being too freewheeling with how often I like a pic on IG. Because some people reserve their likes for things they REALLY like. I like a lot of pictures. And I am not going to apologize for that. I have decided there is nothing wrong with being unapologetically enthusiastic about something - especially in light of the fact that I'm so bitter and hateful about so much in the world. Might as well run with the good, right? 

Tuesday, October 21

Liebster x2 (Part 2) - Laura

So here is Part 2 of my dual nomination for the Lovely Liebster award.
This one came from Laura

1. What is your chapstick of choice?
- Original Burt's Bees, or Blistex in the little blue jar.

2. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

  • 2 pair sandals
  • 1 pair loafers
  • 2 pair Converse
  • 1 pair work tennis shoes
  • 1 pair winter boots
  • 2 pair crap tennis shoes (old, worn out) for random days
  • 1 pair black strappy heels that haven't seen the light of day in about 3 years
  • 10 Total

3. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
 - All over the UK. 

4. What is your favorite sport to watch? To play?

 - Baseball to watch - I don't actually play sports. I'm more of a "I'll sit here and read my book during the big game" kinda person.

5. What's on your desk? (photos, calendar, food, etc...)

 - My desk sits in a corner of my bedroom and is rarely used as a desk - mostly we use our computers in the main living area. So what sits on it is a fan, a mirror I have no place else to put, and our printer, as well as whatever random paperwork I dump there (shred pile, to-be-filed pile...).

6. What do you consider your greatest accomplishment?

 - Learning to speak up.

7. If you had to shop at one store for the rest of your life, what would it be?

 - Target. Which is funny, because they have a really shitty plus-size section. 

8. Salty or sweet?

 - Sweet. Definitely. 

9. Do you have a hidden talent? What is it?

 - I do not have a hidden talent, actually. 

10. If you could choose one word to describe yourself what would it be?

 - Weird.

11. What is your favorite Disney movie?

 - Um...I don't know. It depends what I'm in the mood for. Probably The Little Mermaid? 

Friday, October 17

October Reads

Maybe you're less the watcher of horror movies and more of the reader type. Here's a few ideas:

1.) Scared Stiff by Annelise Ryan
author page/source
A quick and enjoyable murder mystery that opens on Halloween and moves into straight up just Autumnal setting in a few short pages. You can see my whole review here.

2.) A Catered Halloween by Isis Crawford
author site/synopsis
Another super quick and enjoyable murder mystery, this one also has a touch of ghosts. This one has a bit more humor than Scared Stiff, if you enjoy some of that in your mysteries. This one is definitely more Halloween-centric as the whole thing takes place in the weeks leading up to Halloween doing a haunted house fundraiser. So if you are looking for a book that will have lots of pumpkins and decorations and candy corn and such, this is a good, fun read. My full review is here.

3.) The Raven and the Nightingale by Joanne Dobson
author site; click picture for further info

Not a specifically Halloween read, but a murder mystery that takes place in New England during autumn and has plenty of mood-setting imagery and just enough creeps to be a bit spooky. Well-paced and intelligent, this is actually just a perfect Autumnal mystery.

Of course all books are great and it's not necessary to read certain types of books at certain times of year. (I have been known to read Christmas mysteries in the middle of summer.) However, when the desire to to turn up the spook factor a bit, I find there really is no better time of year for a good murder than when it's time to curl up with a blanket and a cup of hot cocoa.

And of course, there is a long list of classics and new classics in the horror, mystery, gothic genre to choose from, as well as plenty of history books that can be scarier than any piece of fiction.

What do you like to read to make a chill run down your spine?

Tuesday, October 14

Some Things Are Not Okay

Kinda, yeah.

Well, it's been a month since I've posted.
I've also been off work for a month on Short Term Disability MFLA because I'm a freaking nutcase who apparently can't handle everyday life on normal terms the way you know - normal people - can.

sad animated GIF

I AM sick of myself. I'm sick of being the way I am. 
I was in a PHP for two weeks. I'm done now. 
It has not been a vacation or relaxing month off work.
What is has been is panic attacks and depression and feeling like a freak and trying to keep my shit together while everything is in limbo. It's been learning that I have a real problem with things being in limbo and not knowing and needing the security and feeling in control of myself and knowing what's next and having none of that right now.

I'm going back to work on Thursday.
I'm supposed to go back with restrictions of a consistent morning schedule, 32 hours/4 day work week based on the recommendations of a psychiatrist and a psychologist, both. I'm supposed to not be working with customers on the recommendation of the doctors, but that's not going to happen. I mean...I don't know. I won't know where I'm working and when and what until tomorrow and possibly not until Wednesday. 
That is not okay. 
The HR people at my work flat out told me they don't know how much (if any) of the restrictions they can accommodate and if they do, it will only be for a few weeks and then I have to be back up to a full 40 hours/week and also open availability. 
That is not okay.

(I mean, I get it, and I'll deal with it as each day comes, but still - not okay.) 

Our lease is up for renewal and our rent is being raised by $95/month. That is NOT OKAY. 
(No, moving is not an option at this point.)

There are so many things I want to talk about, I want to address, so many things I want to say that are just NOT okay. 
I'm NOT okay. But I'm better than I was. 
Am I looking forward to going back to work? 
Am I terrified of going back to work? 
Am I going to go back to work regardless of what restrictions and/or for how long they are met? 
Will it be scary and suck balls?
But I will be okay. 
Because slowly, I am learning to speak gently to myself. 
And because slowly, I'm also learning that "not okay" doesn't always equal "broken" and it's entirely possible to be not okay and okay at the same time.
And THAT is what makes it ok.


Tuesday, September 16

The Terror of the Illustrations of Eloise Wilkin

Who want you to play with them forever and ever and ever....

The Night Before Christmas in Village of the Damned.

Looks like creepy Uncle Larry is coming over again!

Knitting a lovely little sack - out of veins stripped from the people whose souls she has consumed.

These pics came from this pinterest page, which all has different sources.
Learn more about Eloise Wilkin.

Saturday, September 6

Liebster x2 (Part 1) - Nova

So I got nominated for the Lovely Liebster award twice and I'm all "Hells yeah I'm going to respond!" Know why? Because sometimes other people's questions are more interesting than whatever I have on deck.
So the first was from Nova

1. What is your morning routine like?
 - I'd like to say getting up and getting going, but it's more staying in bed as late as possible, only half-asleep, bargaining with myself about what I can sacrifice to sleep for ten more minutes and then finally getting up and eating something and showering and leaving the house and always feeling rushed those last few minutes.

2. Where do you feel most creative? 
 - At the library, but I never actually create there. I just see so many wonderful books and all the ideas come rushing in. I feel inspired there.

3. What is a good piece of advice/words of wisdom you'd like to share with your readers?
 - "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." (The point being, you gotta have a sense of humor, and sometimes just let it go; can't make everyone happy.) 

4. Describe your blog in ten words or less. 
 - Yes, you too can enjoy my thoughts - free of charge!

5. What is a controversial opinion you hold? 
 - I'm a liberal. In the US, right now, that's practically like tattooing a Hammer & Sickle on your forehead during the McCarthy era.

6. If you could learn everything there is to know about one subject what would it be? 
- Unfair. I would learn all the science. If I had to break it down, really, though, probably medicine, because the body is awesome and so gross. Dude. Is there anything better than googling weird bodily inflictions and feeling better that at least you don't have THAT?

7. If reincarnation was the true reality, what would you hope to come back as? 
 - A house cat in a good home. 

8. Have you ever played on a sports team? If so, what was the experience like? If not, what is your relationship like with sports?
 - I have never played on a team, except when forced in gym. I'm not a fan of sports because I REALLY suck at them - I can enjoy watching baseball. But when it comes to physical activity, I'm much happier being left alone.

9. Are you addicted to anything? 
 - Sugar. It's an honest to goodness problem for me. 

10. What are some of your favorite books? (I am always looking for recommendations!)
 - Oy. 
Um...How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe by Charles Yu is wicked awesome. Read it.

11. How do you feel about getting older?
- This is an interesting question. I'm okay. My struggles with myself have very little to do with my age because I'm actually improving with time. Believe it or not, I'm much more confident now than I was in my teens and twenties. I have a better sense of humor, because I've been through so much shit that I can appreciate when something is just dumb, and I like that. I think I like aging. It doesn't bother me that I don't know the celebrities anymore, that I'm not in touch with the current music - because I don't care. My high school and early twenties were by no means my "glory years" so I don't feel like I'm losing something by losing touch with that - honestly, I was never truly in touch with it to begin with. 
I do enjoy observing the changes my body goes through - heartburn comes easier, my back gets sore easier, I can't survive on four hours of sleep anymore, I get buzzed from alcohol a lot quicker - and I kind of enjoy noting these changes almost like a scientific observer. In general, I think I like it. Also, there is a freedom that comes from being a woman in her thirties and beyond. It's almost like society has dropped certain expectations and you're free to just be yourself. 
Or maybe as you age, you've just learned to say "fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." 

Friday, August 22

Movies From Back in the Day: There's a Killer on the Loose!

This is a collection of films from my childhood that have varying degrees of mystery & suspense as well as varying degrees of comedy and seriousness, but the one thing these films have in common is that the killer isn't anything supernatural like ghosts or aliens or demons but good old-fashioned people and their people motives.

Once Upon a Crime

This silly little movie made me laugh mostly because of John Candy and also because of George Hamilton. I remember The Detective made me laugh and the silliness of it all. I haven't seen this movie in a l-o-n-g time but I remember thinking that when they were trying hard to be funny, it didn't seem funny and the other stuff was funny. Mostly: John Candy. 

Young Sherlock Holmes

While as an a kid I did enjoy (what I think of as) the classic Holmes and I still enjoy the Peter Cushing films to this day, as an adult, my leanings go toward the sexiest, most modern Sherlock.  However, as a kid, Young Sherlock Holmes had that sense of fun adventure and just enough terror (from the hallucinations) to keep my young brain thrilled. This was a favorite of my sister, *Christine, as well, and I have fond memories of watching it with her, often on a snowday home from school warming up with cocoa after we'd been out playing in the snow for hours. 

The 'Burbs

Oh Tom Hanks. To me, this is Tom Hanks. Eighties and early '90's. Before Wilson (admit it, you cried like a baby, too) Tom Hanks was just the guy next door. In this movie, he was literally the guy next door. Add just enough perfectly timed physical comedy, clever, quippy dialogue, and a fun, light story and of course I still enjoy this 80's classic. 

And of course...


Love it. I don't even know what to say. It's hilarious. The dialogue cracks me up, Tim Curry is freaking awesome, and the story comes together nicely. It's one of those movies that never really gets old and you can come into it at any time and just watch and enjoy. The middle of 3 kids, on the occasions when we couldn't agree on what to watch, Clue always won. 

Monday, July 28

My Shell

Sometimes I wish I could live in a shell.
Sometimes when things are hard I like to cocoon under the blankets and hide.
But 99% of the time, I have to be a grown-up even when I hate it, and that means getting up and going to work and facing up, even when I want to stay home and cocoon under the covers.

It was a busy weekend at work and some of my co-workers were kinda bitchy and whiny. I did my best to let it go and not let it get to me and I feel like I did a good job diffusing a couple of potentially volatile moments. I was downright proud of how well much I got done on a busy Saturday and while Sunday had some paperwork frustrations for myself and the other closing manager, the team really pulled together and rocked everything really well and did a great job. 
Today we were wicked slammed. I spent most of my day running the cash register. Today was a day I didn't feel like going to work. I was dead tired (not physically, just emotionally.) - Shawn has been working six day work weeks for two months straight, and we barely see each other anymore. It was a busy weekend and that's was just one of those days where you wish you could stay home and lay in bed all day and drink hot chocolate. Your bones feel as if they are made of cement and you have to force yourself to get up to go.
But for everything, it was a good day. The team worked hard. They did well. They had a good attitude and kept going and even when we were running out of gas at the end of the day, they kept at it hard and we got out on time and everyone was in a good mood and we slaughtered our sales goal and even many of the clothes racks got put away and there was balance and tomorrow is the last in my 8 day stretch and for once I don't feel like a failure. I was feeling pretty good.

And then I message my boss (who I have to say is actually a good guy and I respect a lot) a couple of notes about tomorrow, including that the opening cashier has a commitment and will be in after that commitment is finished.
And as I'm telling him this, I realize I was stupid to not think about covering that shift. I don't know why it never crossed my mind. It just didn't. I wasn't being deliberately neglectful, it just honestly never crossed my mind. My boss is always telling me to stop calling myself stupid but I can't when I do things like this. Because that was stupid. 
And I realize for all the good work I felt like I did over the weekend, I still failed.
My boss responded by telling me that what I did (not covering the shift) was inexcusable and something he never would've done to someone. Which is true. He wouldn't do that. The fact that I didn't mean to do it isn't the point. It's the fact that I did it.

I know it's not the end of the world to have your boss be mad at you for a while. 
But it bothers me. And it really bothers me when I screw up - and the bigger the screw up, the more it bothers me. I have this tightness in my chest now. I don't know how to describe it. I feel anxious, guilty, ashamed, stupid, bad, unworthy, resentful, overwhelmed, frustrated.

When I go to bed, I like to imagine I'm in a giant walnut shell cocoon. The image makes me feel better and it's soothing. I haven't yet been able to take my imaginary walnut shell cocoon with me anywhere else. But I'm working on it. 

Sunday, July 20

This Post Was Hard.

I don't know how to write this.
I've been struggling to write this post for some time now, and it just doesn't seem to come out right. So I'm just going to put it out there and (try) not to overthink the presentation. So apologies ahead of time if it's quite random.


Food comforts me.
You know how you hear smokers say "I need a cigarette!" or you sit with a smoker and their hands visibly shake as they puff while you have that conversation about whatever frustrations and anxieties they are having at that moment? Maybe you are that smoker.
And so am I.
Except...for me, it's food, and it's less immediate. I guess.
Whenever I have a stressful day at work - which is A LOT, and especially lately - I don't come home and have a beer or a glass of wine to take the edge off like most normal people. I eat food. When I'm stressed or anxious, I want to eat. No, I don't want to get home at nine o'clock at night and prepare a meal of steamed freaking veggies and baked chicken. I want to get home and have a nice plate of Chinese take-out. Or spaghetti with more garlic breadsticks than is anywhere near necessary. When I am frustrated I want to have a good cry and go out and order a bacon cheeseburger with sauteed onions and barbecue sauce.
When I wake in the morning, the first thought in my head is:
f o o d.
When I first awaken, my stomach is growling and ravenous and even before coffee, I need to eat to take the hunger pain away. I feel like I can't function without food first and foremost.
When I am in the midst of the stressful-est of days, two thoughts dominate my mind:
1.) Aaaagggghhhhh!
2.) I want ________.
Of course I have some patterns in my eating, but not for the sake of this post. Those patterns are for another time. This is mostly just stress and emotional eating, to which I have no real pattern. It's not like "I'm anxious, therefore I need crunch and want tortilla chips."
If only.
Sometimes I want cheesy popcorn.
Sometimes I want ice cream.
Sometimes I want homemade texas cheese fries.
Sometimes I want pizza.
Sometimes I want gooey brownies.
Sometimes I want McDonald's french fries.
Sometimes I want Chinese.
Sometimes I want a chicken sandwich.
There is no real pattern except that it's whatever happens to sound like the thing I most want in the world (food-wise) right then.
But even when I get it, I tend to not feel satisfied. I mean, I do.
But I feel like there is something wrong with me because when other people have a brownie they seem to feel sated and happy they had chocolate and like "Oh, too much of that would make me feel awful!" and I'm over here like I had a brownie and now I want another brownie.

Now - don't get me wrong: sometimes I eat healthy. When I have a healthy, nutritious breakfast, I always feel better physically. My body feels stronger and more energized, even if I do get hungrier quicker. (Dude, seriously? I try eating healthy lunches at work and my stomach is growling less than an hour later. If I eat Pop-Tarts for lunch, I'm tired and sluggish, but at least I'm not hungry.)  Anyway...yeah...I go for a few days eating healthy and my body feels better, but emotionally, I feel...lacking and out of control.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I have a problem with food. I mean, I know I do.
But I'm admitting to you guys that for me, comfort eating isn't "I had two Kit-Kats this week - gasp!" For me, comfort eating is a daily - if not every meal - thing. Food is one of the ways I cope.

There are times when I wish I was a drinker instead of an eater. It is so much more socially acceptable to be someone who goes through a bottle of wine or two a night starting with a glass after work. It is 1000 times more socially acceptable to be someone who gets drunk in order to stuff away nervousness and insecurity and frustration than it is to be someone who eats to calm down those feelings of inferiority and pressure and anxiousness.*
I would be an awesome alcoholic if that was my drug of choice. I would be the best! But alas. My love/hate/comfort/merry-go-round of self-loathing and despair and trying to start each day new and be better and failing every day and all that is involved in the whole thing...well...that began when I was a child when I learned to use food to cope and I guess I just grew up with it and it stuck so I never got too interested in drugs or heavy recreational drinking.


I think that's all I've got for now.

*I'm not saying I think alcoholism is easier or cooler or anything, I'm just saying that socially, drinking to excess is more acceptable than eating to excess.

Friday, July 11

Some of My Instagram Pics

You may or may not follow me on instagram. Here are some random pictures I've shared there.  I'm sharing these because I'm starting to get a little bit better, especially compared to when I first signed up for IG.

At the library.

A work lunch. Evol Tandoori Chicken Bowl, water.

Isabelle enjoys a morning sun and gentle breeze.

Secret Target purchase? 

Hope close up while she rests on my tummy.

Walking home from the store.

Tired while waiting for an appointment. RBF for the win.

Tuesday, July 8

Things Shawn Says:

"Do you really need another chapstick?" (Um...yes.)

"Wait. Tweezers cost HOW MUCH?"

"I thought there was something weird about the pockets." (I asked Shawn if he knew he was wearing his cotton pajama shorts backward.)

I had two slices of Pizza Hut stuffed crust the other night (never again) and I woke up in the middle of the night and spontaneously puked....all over the bed. Like, the puking is what woke me up. ( was so nasty.) So I stripped myself down and stripped the bed and double mouth-washed and all the stuff you do after you puke and I also had to wash the stuffed monkeys Shawn and I have in our bed. Because we are grown-ups. Those of you who follow me on instagram will have seen the occasional pic of our sleeping buddies. Anyway, I was sleeping on the couch, all broken up sleep between loads of laundry to make sure everything got cleaned. When Shawn came home in the morning, he saw me on the couch with the biggest monkey, Mr. Bongos, his special monkey, and was like
"What are you doing sleeping on the couch?"
"I got sick and threw up, so I had to wash the bedding."
Suddenly very alarmed. "Is Mr. Bongos okay?"
^True story, yo.

Tonight as Shawn and I were eating dinner, we had this conversation:
"What's with all these weird blocks of cheese that didn't melt?"
He points to one. "They're everywhere. It's like one of the main parts of the dish."
(At this point you guys, I could not stop laughing because he was so serious and concerned about the amount of cheese in this dinner.)
"Honey, those are sweet potatoes."
"Oh! Well that makes sense. I thought it was funny tasting cheese."
For real, you guys. I can't make this up.

And bonus:
My brother was digging in the bathroom cupboard. I was all
"What are you looking for?"
"I need to get one of those ear sticks you buy."

(Yes, Q-tip.)

Friday, July 4

We're Great But Very Far From Perfect

I love America.
And America pisses me the hell off.
America can be so awesome sometimes and there are days when I have all the feels and the pride and feel so much joy and truth be told I love the history of America. (Not all of it, true. There are a lot of unsavory parts.) But you know, reflecting on a time when people really believed in fighting for what they truly believed was right and wrote well-thought and argued articles to persuade people to think about things more instead of just random memes attacking the stupidity of the "other". When I think of hard work and standing up and having a revolution against oppression instead of using photoshop to passive-aggressively whine about the president.
When I think of the great plains, the Rockies, all the people, the minds, the art, the fight, the spirit.
I do love my country.

And then there are the days when I am reminded of how stupid, immature, self-involved and totally selfish we act. As far as countries are concerned, we are like spoiled toddlers who think the world revolves around us. I remember that a very large portion of the voting population apparently thinks the President has the almighty and unquestioned power of a monarch, that most people have no idea what the 19th Amendment is, that I actively know people who can't read an analog clock and don't actually know the purpose of the legislative branch of government....but these people are voting.
And then I'm both terrified and embarrassed.

I do love America. I love me some cherry pie and burgers on the grill and I love a beautiful blue sky and fireworks and lemonade and I love the freedom to write this post.
We tend to have freedoms here so many countries don't have.
When it comes to things like energy, gas, oil, water, the environment....we are so so so far behind and lacking and ignorant and privileged and it's to the point that those of us who do care about that stuff get disgusted.
So I guess what I'm saying, America, is that if the world is a playground, yes, we have a kick-ass fort. Hell, we probably have the best fort on the playground.
But we also have most of the sticks and pine cones other fort-building supplies and there are other cool-as-hell forts out there that maybe we could share with a bit more? And there are some other forts that are being run by bullies who are stomping on everyone and rubbing their faces in the dirt and making 'em eat mud and stuff (probably not a metaphor in the case of N. Korea) and meanwhile we're all over here just jumping up and down screaming about how awesome we are and how we're the best and the coolest.

So I guess the point is...
America is awesome-sauce.
But other countries are too.
Quit being so fucking spoiled and selfish, United States.
Grow up, and play nice.

And if somebody won't quit being a bully, sometimes a fucker just needs to be punched in the face.
Probably not the best official foreign policy, but maybe playground politics would be more effective than the current system the world is working with.

Tuesday, July 1

Life Currently

So, yeah. I have no good reason for not blogging more regularly and not being more up-to-date with my reading & commenting. It boils down to the fact that while my hours aren't overly long, the days are just really draining and stressful.
A little background - there are two sides to any retail operation: 
Sales and Production. 
In the case of this being a "Thrift" store, we handle production on-site, via donations, and we sort and tag and price and put things out. Obviously a place like Target or Walmart would have a much more involved production situation. 
The point is: in a nutshell, we have two major teams: 
Production and Sales. 
I'm on the sales side, but both sides are currently understaffed. People move on and get different jobs - more hours or better pay or closer to home or something more in their field. Of course, we are hiring. Summer is tourist season and super busy here in TC.
We have been doing interviews like crazy people.  
And you know what? 
So the people we do have are running ragged. They are tired. We are tired. 
Back in the day, when I worked at "SuperMegaMart," I basically hated my job and it was a poison infecting my system every day, spreading more and more like a cancer. 
This isn't like that. 
This is just more like, several times a day I find myself thinking
Oh For Fuck's Sake! (Jimmy Carr)
Mostly this happens when people call in.
So that's it. Work has been busy and everyone who works there is tired and stressed and we're all like walking batteries running low and we get partially recharged at night and on days off, but the days are so slammed that it takes more out than we're getting back, so each day we lose two bars and each night we only gain one back. 
Am I making any freaking sense right now? 
Anyway, at the end of the day, I come home and I see Shawn and I watch TV and zone out or I read and I'm happy, just kinda burned out. If I turn on the computer, I get sucked into pinterest or cat videos or whatever time-waster and before I know it, three hours have passed and I haven't done any blogging and I'm too tired in my brain to stay awake any more and then I go to bed and then get up again for a new day. Also note: today was end of my 8-day stretch, so now I have 2 days off. Hell, yeah! :)
So anyway, that's what's happening. I don't have any grand reason for being semi-absent. Just tired and lazy at the end of the day and I'm pretty much passable for a zombie in the morning. 

Sunday, June 22

A Letter to My Nephew

 My nephew graduated from high school recently and today was his open house. This is a copy of the letter I included in his card.

Jeffrey -

When I first met you, you were just this little thing they handed to me, all wrapped up in blankets to keep you warm. The first thing I said was "Where is he?" And Laurie and my mom said "Look inside." And I peeked closer and saw your tiny sleeping face.
You weighed just 3 pounds and 3 ounces. If you pick that up in a dumb bell, it doesn't seem so bad. But when you spread that out over a 20" long human - it felt like nothing. I was afraid I was going to break you just by holding you for a few minutes.

After a few weeks, you finally reached 5 pounds and were able to come home.

And over the months, you grew, and the family watched, in awe.

Before you could speak, you demonstrated an understanding of language and colors and shapes, as I would say "put the green triangle on top of the circle" with your building blocks and you did it perfectly, no matter what combination I gave you. You just blew me away.

Sometimes I would babysit you and you were delightful with your curiosity, pointing at things and asking "What's this?" I think "What's this" was like, your fifth word or something. :)
Sometimes when I was babysitting and doing my homework, I would read you to sleep by reading my school textbooks to you. It didn't take long before you were like "Not that book, Aunt Becky." :) More than once you asked me to read the dictionary to you. So I did, and what's best really listened.

Watching you grow up over the years, form your own opinions and ideas, your own likes and dislikes, watching you evolve....has been a pleasure and has been a truer measure of time than I think you'll understand until you have a child in your life that you watch grow. I know it's cliche, but really, it's true. It's really not until there is a child you watch grow into an adult that you have a true understanding of the passage of time.

Now you're a young man out of high school and starting a new chapter, or if life is a multi-series book, then you're in the next book of the series. :)
Now instead of me reading the dictionary to you and showing you all the cool pictures in the National Geographic of all the different types of people and animals in the world, now you're teaching me things about the internet and bravery.

I could not be prouder of you, Jeffrey.

As you go forth in life and continue to grow, I look forward to watching where you go from here and hopefully sharing some of my life experiences and also learning more from you. 

Tuesday, June 17

Workplace Safety Isn't Funny - It's Hilarious

So you know how I work at a thrift store, right? Well, it's pretty high volume, and we have several locations, and the location I work at happens to be the central flagship store for our district. 

There happened a time when a delivery truck driver randomly showed up at like, 8 o'clock at night and no one was there who was certified on the hi-lo or the walker-stacker. So we sent him away with instructions to come back tomorrow. 
So they decided that damn near everybody and their mother has to be certified to do at least one or the other.  
Which is where this post comes in. 
I did the first part of my training yesterday, which was to watch the 3-part training video on industrial trucks and equipment.  This is part one, which is meant to get your attention and make you pay attention to part two, which is longer, still has a lot of accidents, but is much less graphic. In fact, the part two video even says "non-graphic" version.  
But part one? It's like the best B-horror movie ever. I'm so glad I found it on youtube! Enjoy! 

(I think the guy with the nail in his eye around 1:02 is my favorite.) 

Wednesday, June 11

All the Work Gifs

When I constantly have to ride someone's ass to get them to do their job, I feel like:

How I feel when I haven't even punched in and it's an obvious shit-storm:
bored animated GIF

How I feel when I give someone instruction and they respond with "just a minute."

How I feel when I've made a mistake at work:
teenage mutant ninja turtles animated GIF

When the BIG bosses come out for a look-see, I:
the simpsons animated GIF

How I feel when we've had a busy day, the store is trashed, and everyone is all
"are we going to get out early tonight?"

How I feel when people keep nagging me about leaving when I'm not done with my work yet.

How it feels when we DO get out early:

How it feels on days when everything runs smoothly:

How I feel when the entire day has been a cluster fuck.

How I feel when my team has been working hard, regardless of the type of day it is:

Saturday, May 31

Video Links

Walking Dead/Cranberries Zombie

Honest trailer: The Harry Potter movies My favorite part is the end when they do the "starring:" 

Exercising with Cats Around (video) - There is nothing about this video that I don't like.

Cat Mothers Ducklings (video that will make your heart grow 3 sizes)

Tuesday, May 27

I'm Fat

Okay, I don't know where to start.

I can't start at the beginning, it's all too convoluted.
Let's start here:
I am fat.

Not "if you just switched from bagels to english muffins, and gave up one Starbucks coffee per week, you would give up X amount of calories and therefore could lose X amount of pounds per month" that so many glossies will tout. (Just one of many reasons I almost never read the glossies anymore, but that's a post for another time.)
No, I'm actual fat.

Christmas 2012. I haven't decided if I'm ever going to share my actual weight and size, but I'm not prepared to just now. For reference, my sister-in-law, who has the monkey face, is about a size 3. 
Also: it's important to note, I have other pictures and more recent ones, but this is the only one I could even come to terms with the idea of showing. 

So yeah. 
I don't know. It's hard for me to share with you guys, even though I've mentioned it before, putting up an actual picture and saying My name is Becky and I have problems with my body is...too real. Does that make sense? 
A part of me worries that some of you might be repulsed and disgusted and I don't know. I guess if someone decides to stop reading my blog or think less of me because of my figure, then I probably don't want them as a reader/friend. 
But it's scary. 
'Cuz I don't know. 

Anyway, My name is Becky and I am fat. 
I have problems with food and have since I can remember. I have been chubby since my earliest memories, which go back to well before kindergarten. 

I've been wanting to talk about this on my blog for quite some time, but I've been sitting on it because that's what you I do when faced with things that are scary. 

You know what? 
I think that's enough for this post. 

Thursday, April 10

My Body is Weird.

So remember that UTI I had and had to take the hard-core antibiotics for? Well, when I did my initial urinalysis, the nurse said: "Doctor X says your urine looks suspicious."  Which caused me to imagine this:
My urine sample could rob a bank in the old west any minute now!

Well, I finished that and had to go in for a check up because I've had relatively frequent UTI's in the past year or so and also over this time period I've developed an awful pain in the left side of my uterus every shark week and for a few days after. It's a wicked stabby pain that hurts more when you push on it and whatever. I'm not going into details describing the exact nature of the pain. Suffice to say, it wasn't there before, it developed about a year or so ago and it's steadily gotten worse and the pain and symptoms of the whole thing have steadily gotten worse as well. So, check-up.

After finishing the round of antibiotics, I did a secondary urinalysis that came back - and I quote - "abnormal."  Which made me imagine this: 

So they did a whole bunch of tests. Sent my urine out for an in-depth culture which came back negative for recurrent infection and they still have no idea why my suspicious urine is abnormal, but it is. Also: they did a full blood work up on me and except for a few numbers being a little high, most things appear normal. 
And yet. 
Things are so not. 
To quote Dr. X: "Your system is clearly out of whack." 
Out of whack is a very clinical term, btw. 

I have a pelvic ultrasound coming up just over a week because there's nothing more fun than invasive vaginal exams. They want to check out all the plumbing: ovaries, uterus, bladder, all of it.

laughing emma stone smiling thumbs up easy a

For the first picture above, I googled shifty eyes  and ultimately borrowed an image from this site to modify for my own purposes.

Sunday, March 30

Why Are People on Pinterest So Dumb?

The internet is so great and awesome and full of the knowledge of mankind.
And it's also full of the utter stupidity of mankind.
I saw this inspirational quote on a holiday pinterest page:

"I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year."

Um, no. It's not anonymous.
It's fucking Charles Dickens, all right? It's one of the most famous lines from A Christmas Carol which is not only one of Dickens' most well-known works, but it's one of the most well-known Christmas tales around.
So no, it's not "anonymous" and googling even a PORTION of that quote brings you to a long list of websites that cite the correct origin. (Believe me, I experimented.) AND there are about a billion other pins with the same quote that correctly cite either Dickens or Ebenezer Scrooge. Oy.

So there was that. 

Then there is, which I happened to see a link to on one of those "life hacks" pins. And it's actually a pretty cool site as you can play around with and search for words with all kinds of different filters including length, starting letter, ending letter, (crossword help, anyone?) get the pluralized form of a word, etc. Except the pinner who had pinned the link was raving a little TOO MUCH about the site. Her words were: 
-- "This site is great! You put in a word and it will give you other words that mean the same thing, or even an opposite word! Where has this been all my life?" --

Take a second and let that high praise sink in. Now go get your thesaurus and look up praise. Because. Wow. 

Friday, March 28

Links & Confessions

Confession: I had to buy a new copy of Slaughterhouse Five because I ruined mine with too many readings and it kinda fell apart and all the underlining and highlighting and notes had made it unreadable anyway.

The Jedi Mix  (video)

Confession: I never cared about or really liked the movie Mean Girls. The whole thing struck me as kinda sad. Then again, my entire school years were kinda sad. But still...really....I've only seen it once and the whole time I was screaming "Get a fucking life!!!!!"

Burmese Python Jumping Through a Hoop (Fail) (video) I actually laughed my ass off the first time I watched this.  What can I say? Weird humor and such.

Confession: I just saw Snakes on a Plane for the first time (yes, I'm very much a late-to-the-party person) and it delighted me so much. I took stills of things that made me the happiest:
I'm so happy to be a snake on this plane!
Karma's a bitch, asshole.
It comes in handy.
If Sam J. looks like this, be concerned. 

Pee is Interesting (website)

Confession: The longer I go without having kids, and the more I hear screaming and whining while I'm at Target trying to find a new stapler the more I look at Shawn and say "Thank God we don't have kids!"  Truth-truth: kids are a pain in the ass, but 9 times out of 10, it's the parents that are more bothersome with their disregard for their children's needs.

Snack Time (video)

Confession: I am still behind on blog-catch-up. I currently have no posts lined up in the actual sense, just ideas floating in my head including many things I've stolen from been inspired to do by other bloggers. Also, my bloglovin' feed still has 92 fucking unread posts. Believe it or not, this number is down from where it was. Of course there are a handful I will skip or just skim, but generally, when I'm following a blogger, it's because I'm actually interested in what they post so I actually read it.