Saturday, February 10

Sunday Confessions 2-11-18




I Confess: I have a lot on my mind right now and I can barely focus. 

I Confess: We had a surprise corporate inspection at work a couple days ago and we failed (quite sensationally, I am led to believe.) 

I Confess: I had cookies for breakfast yesterday. 

I Confess: I have written about five different confessions and deleted them all because I want to say stuff, but I can't for one reason or another. Refer to confession one.

I Confess: I kinda hate this confessions post, because it sucks balls, but it's all I have this week.




Wednesday, February 7

Crow on Flowering Branch


So I was pleasantly surprised to receive a collaboration offer from Photowall.com. Yay!
I was genuinely delighted at the prospect of working together and also - art! Who doesn't want something awesome for their walls?

I actually found a piece that really called to me the first time I visited the site. Still, I spent a couple hours perusing the choices and looking at all the different categories and styles, bookmarking several for compare/contrast.
In the end, I ended up with the first one that had called out to me, "Crow on Flowering Branch."

I didn't consult Shawn before making the choice, and I am super happy with my decision.
It didn't take long to arrive, and shipping was free! (Happy days, because I despise paying for shipping.)
Here it is in the box:


I absolutely made Shawn assemble it because I have zero (and I mean zero) skill when it comes to things like that.

And all hung up, above the couch: 



I was surprised to find out, during ordering, once you've picked the canvas you like, (I don't know about self-submitted images or full murals), you can crop/size it to fit the area you plan to put it, or just for how you like the picture. It does a show a preview of the crop size, so you know what you're getting into. 



I kept mine to full size, so the width is about 36", and I think the height is about 27"? ← Don't quote me on those measurements, but they're close.

I really love it, to be honest. I would order from them again, would be willing to experiment with sending in my own image to see how that turns out. 

And of course, readers benefit too!
If you order from Photowall within the next 30 days, you can use code USofBeckyCampaign2018 for 20% off your order. So hells yeah! 




***Note: This is a sponsored post. I received my print for free in exchange for my review & honest opinion. Not compensated with money. All opinions are honest and my own. ***

Sunday, February 4

Sunday Confessions February 4, 2018



I Confess: Go Eagles! Go literally any other team than the Patriots. That's right. I'm a Patriot hater. 

I Confess: I am trying very hard to be more body positive - and I'm getting there - except with myself. I mean, I'm more accepting of myself as I am than I have ever been before. And yet - still feel like I am actually just a giant blob getting bigger and blobbier by the moment. 



I Confess: I have taken a nap every single day this week. 

Thursday, February 1

The Music Scene

This post was inspired by this post at Faerie Eye and the comments.


So where do I start? 
The inspiration for this post started with Heather's post about music and included concerts she'd seen. 
And I commented that I had not been to but 2 concerts and one of them doesn't count.

So before we start, here are the "2" concerts I have been to: 
  • Dogstar (some info on this link is wrong, but it covers the basics) - tickets were a birthday present from a friend, I'll call her Sophie. We saw them at Leelanau Sands Casino, nine rows away from the stage. (Yes, Keanu is fucking gorgeous IRL, even when from that distance and when he doesn't look at the audience and is all band-grungy.) Also? Bret Domrose is also super yummy. 
  • No Doubt (Paramore opened) - 2009 Summer Tour near Detroit, saw with Shawn and one of his brothers. (AWESOME AF!)

Heather inquired as to why I've only been to 2 concerts...cost? Location? 
Well, let's get into that.

Here is a map of Michigan: 
The black dot is my hometown. The two arrows are Grand Rapids and Detroit Metro. Those are the two major concert venue areas in this state. 

source

We do have 3 major places for performances in TC: 
  • The "Pepsi Soundstage" (lols) in the Open Space during Cherry Festival. (This is where we saw Gabriel Iglesias perform.)
  • Streeters Ground Zero Nightclub (I have never been because...we'll come back to that.) 
  • Kresge (pronounced Kres-ghee) Auditorium at Interlochen Center For the Arts (alma mater of Rumer Willis and Jewel, among many.) 



↠↠About Streeters/Ground Zero: I have always had a disdain for Streeters as a bar because it's where the high school kids go before the "check for ID" hours. The high school kids think it's the shit. I went to the bar once with friends and welp, it was pretty much what I expected. Everything was loud and even dimly lit, it was still too bright with the loudness of the outdated decor. (This was circa 2002, who knows what's changed since then?) 
↠↠Ground Zero Nightclub...I can't say I have disdain, because I've never been. It has apparently received great reviews. But the performers always seem to be...has beens (Bret Michaels, for example), and I-don't-care's. 

(Historically I have enjoyed going to more...let's call them "old man" bars. I have heard some awesome bands in some pretty run down bars.) I am more of a sit and listen and maybe read person more than a dance-and-be-noticed person.))


BUT CONCERTS.

Concerts I get up and move and shake and jump and dance and it is wonderful. 
But if you didn't get it before, Traverse City area doesn't have too many options for concerts. 
Big names go to Grand Rapids and Detroit Metro Area. 
So you not only have to calculate ticket cost, there is extra gas, making sure work schedule changes work out, (travel time) and possibly an overnight in a hotel. So it's a bit more of a thing to make it happen. 
However, we are planning on seeing more shows now that we have a reliable car and a fixed schedule. (We almost saw Jim Gaffigan at Fox Theatre in Detroit last summer but there were no more good seats to make it worth it.)
And thanks to Michael Moore and the Traverse City Film Festival, we are attracting a lot more attention from Hollymood types. (← That is a whole other blog post.)

And so, I remain a 2 concert girl - for now. 



Tuesday, January 30

Meltdown


So a couple weeks ago I broke down at work.
For those who may not know, I have a history of depression and anxiety.
Over the past fourteen years, I have gone through some different medications and combinations and different therapists.
In the spring of 2015, I was admitted to Center One and upon release, I was eventually hooked up with a therapist I will call Ms. Yellow.
Now, I have seen Ms. Yellow over time, off and on. And she is an awesome-fucking-therapist. Like, holy-crap-the-best. I'm sure she doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes you have a therapist you click with and they get you and you get how they work and it works.




And my meds were basically on point.
Fast forward to October 2017. It is my final appointments with Ms. Yellow, who used to work at a state-funded clinic for broke-ass people, but is going private practice. Which is good. The clinic was being all "the government runs us, so you follow our rules, regardless of what you think is best for the patient." Also...achieving your dreams, moving on and up, all the things. So amazing and good for her!
Also? In October 2017, I have zero insurance and can't afford her hourly rate. And people are like "that's expensive!" and I'm like "she's worth twice that!" (Note: to her credit, Ms. Yellow was all "we can work something out with the payment stuff" but I was like no, not doing that because...well. I wasn't.)

So November goes by and things are fine, money's tight and work is awful, but I'm dealing. December 5 comes along and one of my Rx's is due for a refill and I'm like $36 is a lot of money when they totally just changed around our pay schedule. Also? I'm fine, I probably don't need this one anymore. And so I just didn't refill it and went about my life. Also, I didn't tell anyone I stopped taking it because people are all argumentative and "don't do that" and such.

So fast forward to the middle of January. It's been one of the single roughest holiday seasons I've ever had. Work is exhausting, everyone is burned out and grumpy, the weather is freezing and dismal and also I've not had a therapy session since end of October and also am about 6 weeks out from cold turkey dropping a psych med.

So I snapped. I just freaking snapped. I don't even remember what set me off, but I told Shawn my anxiety was high (it was) and I needed a minute to gather myself. And then I started sobbing and squigging out and it was all very embarrassing indeed. Shawn had to take me home and the next day people were all:




And we got my Rx filled and yes, I'm still taking them and yes, I can feel that they are getting into my system and going to work to help keep me more level. (I am not talking about fast-acting anti-anxiety meds or any kind of benzodiazepines. (However, a co-worker friend who deals with the same stuff I do did give me on of her benzos [one I have taken before] to help me Chill. The. Hell. Out. at the time and I am super grateful.) 

I am thinking about touching base with Ms. Yellow, but I'm sitting on it, because my insurance is utter shit. Like, total shit. But it's all we could afford. (However, I'm delighted to report that it does cover our Rx's. So there's that.) I don't even know if it covers behavioral health services at all. So we will see. 
And yes, I am ok. 
The moral of the story is this: 









Sunday, January 28

Sunday Confessions January 28, 2018




I Confess: My brain completely spaced on it being Sunday until about 30 seconds ago. 

I Confess: I bought a new pair of work shoes and I ended up with a blister on my right heel and it was very painful today and so when we went to the market after work, I made Shawn push me around in a wheel chair so I wouldn't have to walk on it anymore while we bought various painful feet paraphernalia.

I Confess: My cat has been extra affectionate lately and I'm totally okay with it.  

Saturday, January 20

Sunday Confessions: January 21, 2018



I Confess: I had a mental meltdown at work yesterday (er, Friday). Super embarrassing. I will be doing a post about this later in the week. But long story short: don't stop taking psychiatric drugs cold turkey, kids. Especially not during the holiday season. Especially when you're not actively in therapy.




I Confess: We bought a blu ray player because our Wii U has been being a dipstick (we use it to watch Hulu) and I'm super stoked because I could never truly figure out how to use the controls on a playstation remote when trying to watch a blu ray. So, score. (We spent $60 on it, which came out of Shawn's prize money from winning his fantasy football league.) 

I Confess: My computer is annoying the piss out of me tonight because it's running slow and I'm just like "move it along, Assy Asserton!"





Looking forward to seeing your confessions!





Wednesday, January 17

What I Learned (About Myself) in 2017

Shout-out to Hayley at Hsaysblog whose post inspired me to write this one.
.........................................................................................




1.) I need girlfriends.
As adults I think it's far too easy to get caught up in the day-to-day of working full-time, being a wife, mother, (or whatever your familial obligations), trying to be socially and politically conscious, responsible, all the things. Additionally, it is way too easy for us me to isolate. I am an isolator. (And ironically, so are most of my closest friends.) (Side note: the more I open up about my isolationist tendencies, the more I hear "me too!", so I kind of assume this is widespread thing.)
Anyway....I made a good friend at work, whom I'm going to call *Angela. Well, Angela and I try to get together on the regular - usually just for coffee and often, not even that - just chatting and walking around places. But my friendship with her has offered me the chance to gab about non-important girly things - the cute guy at work, the creepy guy at work, boys we'd like to lick like cheese off of a cracker, (Daniel Radcliffe)  hair color, youtube videos, etc. Girl time prevents me from going 'round the bend.

Note: my other girlfriends *Melody, *Marie, and *Rose all keep me from going crazy in major ways, it was just hanging with Angela made me realize the extent to which it is important to my sanity.

Thumbs Up GIF


2.) I am allowed to be upset.
(Dude, I know.) It's so obvious. Like, frickin' duh. But (for various reasons) anger is a difficult emotion for me both to be around in others and also to have. I'm not going to explain here, because - wow - we'd be here all day. But only in the past eight months or so have I come to truly understand that anger can be ok, that not all anger is somehow my fault, not all bad moods have something to do with me, and it is ok for me to feel angry, hurt, or sad - and what's more - to express that. (Dude, I KNOW it's obvious, but for me, this is a major thing.)


3.) Sensory Overload
My work is a noisy place. We have the noise from the chopping and cutting. Music playing overhead. Fryer alarms are going off. The phone is ringing. Servers are chattering and calling out things. The expo person is hollering for food runners and needing more cheese sticks. A cook is pissed off and throwing things around. Another is arguing with someone. The dish machine is running and the dishwasher is rushing to stack plates. Someone else is talking nonstop. A random person is singing a random song. The meat cutter turns on his playlist of thrash metal, the exhaust fans are blowing full power - it's too much. It's all just too much. I want to hide, I want to pull a hat down over my eyes and ears. It's all coming in - too much at once and I feel like I am being attacked. I am a cornered animal and ready to lash out. There is just too much. I need to isolate myself not so much emotionally, but physically. I need to get away from the crazy and have quiet and alone time. I know this is a bit introvert-y, and I am an introvert, but this is a visceral reaction that has physical consequences and it's important for me to tend to that need.

red-faced embarassed GIF



What kinds of things did you learn about yourself over the past year? Anything you're seeking to learn about yourself?

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